How to manage multiple family members with BPD?~

[Daisy23]

Hi all! I haven't been on in months. I've been working with a therapist and doing a lot of grieving. I feel like I'm closer to accepting my marital situation now, ready to deal with my own ego.

My mother clearly suffered from BPD, although my father and I never knew, never talked about it until a few months ago. I only recognized the truth a few months ago when my therapist suggested it. Since I am just learning about my childhood challenges I am still sensitive to BPD behaviors - I have been struggling with taking too personally things that happen with my stepson and step daughter and my sister in law, who all show BPD patterns.  The pressures that come from interactions with them make me feel overwhelmed when I am trying to focus on growing stronger in my marriage with my BPDh. I feel like I am growing stronger in our relationship but then his other family members do stuff that makes me want to head for the hills!

Anyone have words of wisdom to help me deal with the overwhelm? Thank you!

[ijustwantpeace]

Hi all! I haven't been on in months. I've been working with a therapist and doing a lot of grieving. I feel like I'm closer to accepting my marital situation now, ready to deal with my own ego.

My mother clearly suffered from BPD, although my father and I never knew, never talked about it until a few months ago. I only recognized the truth a few months ago when my therapist suggested it. Since I am just learning about my childhood challenges I am still sensitive to BPD behaviors - I have been struggling with taking too personally things that happen with my stepson and step daughter and my sister in law, who all show BPD patterns.  The pressures that come from interactions with them make me feel overwhelmed when I am trying to focus on growing stronger in my marriage with my BPDh. I feel like I am growing stronger in our relationship but then his other family members do stuff that makes me want to head for the hills!

Anyone have words of wisdom to help me deal with the overwhelm? Thank you!

My mother and uncle both have uBPD and the family has faced multiples deaths, and divorces over the years so I think I know what you are going through.  With chronic ongoing problems that have been happening over the past 6 years I found myself getting super sensitive to emotions.  I don't like being around mom as I automatically associate anything she does with strong emotions.

After finding this forum and learning what BPD I am becoming more aware of my own emotions, and am feeling more connected to my body.  Each one of those major life events I mentioned death, divorce, job loss, severe health issues had my mom at the center of the storm.

Just the thought of her was enough to get me mad as heck.  She is not aware of the damage she does or why no one wants anything to do with her.  Things keep improving, but I have these "emotional chunks" that keep coming up.

I am trying to practice mindfulness and be aware of situations and circumstances that trigger what can only be described as emotional flashbacks.  The biggest thing that I think is helping for me to give myself grace to accept the current situations.  It makes it easier to deal with. 

Be sure to love yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that you matter.

[unicorn2014]

I believe that personality disorders are generational and will not stop until someone gets treated. I have disordered grandparents, parents, ex, partner and now I am having to assess my daughter.

I think the best thing you can do is educate yourself about disordered behavior and how to cope with it.

I myself have years of recovery in this area under my belt and I can tell you the hardest hitting one is when its your minor child because in that case you are responsible for that person.

Have you done any reading on codependency?

That is where I started on my recovery journey when I was still a teenager living at home with disordered parents.

[Daisy23]

I appreciate the advice and what you both shared. Thank you.  You made me feel less alone.