Thank you for the replies.
Kate4Queen - I think you are right. She is a survivor and she has been spending nights and some weekends with a friend. I am pretty sure that Mom thinks we are terrible people because of her lies and manipulations. She does know how to get what she wants.
Spent an hour and a half on the phone with her Guidance Counselor yesterday and it was enlightening. On one hand, GC has seen some of the behaviors we experience and validated me as a parent. I was mixed about this. Happy that it isn't "just me" and that others recognize the anger and the manipulations. But also sad, because this is an escalation. She has always been able to put on a good face at school and just unloaded it all on us. She is no longer keeping it together in outside situations. Maybe this is a good thing because her GC and I both agree that she is not going to stop, get help, or change until she crashes and hits rock bottom. I just hate to watch it unfold.
At my therapists suggestion I started prepping her for leaving when she turns 18. I told her that we love her but that she cannot continue to live in our home when she has no respect for our rules and for us. I told her that if she wants to remain in my home she needs to change her behaviors and get a job, pay rent, etc... . If she wants to continue to break the rules and do her own thing, she has 6 months in order to get herself together to move out. She is currently in danger of not graduating. She is failing English - which is one of her strengths. She just doesn't care anymore. She is living in the moment and not thinking of the future. She wants to spend all her time with friends and her boyfriend. She can bring her grade up and pull off graduating if she chooses to - I just don't know if she will. It is unlikely she will get accepted to a 4 year college program and she really isn't ready to go.
I have decided not to continue with her psychiatrist any longer. We are paying $165 a week to get her help that we cannot afford and she doesn't want. She spends each session playing Uno with him. While I am sure that from his perspective, he is using that to get her to open up and relax and chat. From her perspective - she is just playing Uno.