To those who think their exes are "happy" with the replacement

[potato22]

This thread is so helpful to me. I am going through a 'replacement' period and want to win her back. The insight here has been helpful. It is hard to think of being with someone 6 years and being replaced in 3 weeks. Nature of the beast?

[naguma]

They all do this, time and again.

Mine was 28 when we broke up. Last year of our relationship this guy mildly chased her, he was only interested in a lay - didn't work out so well for him. He was probably NPD and pure BPD's eat up NPD's even worse then co-dependents (no idea as to why, just what psychologists say). She was basically a trophy to him (good job, caring ex he could hurt, a sister he could also sleep with and play them off each other, etc.).

4 days after our break up she slept with the guy (who wasn't interested in a relationship and had already told her). She thought she could change his mind with sex (BPD thinking). They had sex for roughly 2 weeks, while never going out. She kept up the visage of them dating. Eventually she must have gone super crazy on him because he ended up moving and changing all his contact information to get away.

In comes the next guy. She was 29 at this point and he 19. Again everything was perfect, for about 3 months (this time it seemed a genuine honeymoon period). He was a friend of my ex's sister, so he had some idea what had gone on in our relationship. When the cycle repeated with him, he saw through the BS and pushed her away.

She's been a complete wreck for 4~ months now - this is what I hear, no interest in even looking at her FB. The one picture I saw of her she was hiding her eyes behind the rim of her glasses (this is her indication that she is completely miserable). She apparently unblocked me on FB back in December, so I sometimes see her profile pic on other peoples posts (blocking her myself would just feed her, best to ignore it).

Now she wants contact again - it's been 6 months of me enforcing NC. If they were not fully broken before you, they probably are now (that doesn't mean you could have ever fixed them - their spiral only goes down).

No matter how much you love them, you can not fix them. No matter how much you know its a facade, you can't stop being hurt by it.

Best to go NC and have no idea what is happening.

[Learning Fast]

No matter how much you love them, you can not fix them. No matter how much you know its a facade, you can't stop being hurt by it.

Best to go NC and have no idea what is happening

Naguma,

Very well put.  After we've tolerated the twists and turns, numerous recycles, back and forth behavior, makeup/breakups this is the best solution for most of us.

LF

[SummerStorm]

They are never really happy, period.  They experience moments that make them feel happy, but they aren't truly happy. 

Mine was cheating with me and told me how much she thought about having sex with me the day before she wished her boyfriend a happy birthday on Facebook.  And yes, I was the "other person," but she had convinced me that he was awful and abusive and that she wanted to be with me instead.  We all make bad decisions in life. 

A few days after she tried to commit suicide, she was posting happy pictures all over Facebook.  No one knew that anything had happened. 

Less than two weeks after her ex told me that he wasn't sure if he could make things work with her because she had started abusing him again, he posted to Facebook about how she was "wifey material." 

On Friday night, she posted a Snapchat story, showing off how she was going to a casino with her new boyfriend (her fourth since August).  But what people don't know is that she is completely broke and keeps getting insufficient fund notices from the bank.  She lives in a complete junk hole and has been drinking and doing drugs on a regular basis.  She is also fighting with both parents right now, and her ex recently refused to accept her friend request on Facebook. 

[kentavr3]

Today, I finally found about my replacement. It is hard to accept... .

[Lonely_Astro]

Today, I finally found about my replacement. It is hard to accept... .

I'm sorry you're going through this.  You can prepare for it, but you're never really ready for it.  I was replaced within roughly 2 weeks of us "officially" ending.  I work with her, so I actually get to see her move on. 

I'll tell you this much: they aren't ever truly happy.  Sure, they appear to be.  But just like their 'love' for you, it's a mirage.  During the honeymoon phase, they get so wrapped up with their new r/s, they are on cloud 9.  Give it a few weeks/months, they'll be right back to where they were with you.

I'll use myself here.  J has moved on to a new guy, but has been in contact with me (for a few days here and there).  During our interactions, the most recent was last Friday, she told me how she "missed all of me" and "would love me forever and always".  Do you think the new guy knows this?  No.  She's already started the process of devaluing him and doesn't even realize it. 

They are icebergs, kentavr3.  There's the portion you can see, a lot more is under the surface, and even more that will never see the light of day.  This doesn't make it any easier for you right now, I know.  In time, you'll understand what I mean.  Take care of yourself and go treat yourself to something good (whatever that is for you).  You've been through a lot already and just got kicked in the teeth again.  You deserve it.  Be good to yourself.

[Herodias]

It's actually weird to me how mine is trying to devalue his life with me and the people I know. He is trying to say he likes his new life better. I guess it's that he is trying to accept them maybe. Then he talked about how his mistresses mother looks down on him for how he dresses... .doesn't make sense because he is the one who is the better dresser... .Is he projecting? Maybe... .It's bad enough to be replaced, but to be told he's having a baby with her and we are not divorced... .awful! On top of it, to say maybe it would have been different if we had a child and had not lost ours... .terrible. I feel like he has to know how awful he sounds. How hurtful... .Maybe not... .I just don't know.