i always wondered if she was seeing other men

[Depression = 72% of members]

I had always wondered if she was seeing other men when she wasnt with me. I wondered if she used these times to maybe see someone she had been in contact with. I didn’t know if she was in contact with other men, but I always had my suspicions. When I brought this to her attention when I felt strange about something that didn’t seem right to me... she would become very defensive and blow it off ,, and would also reprimand me for being paranoid. If I felt like I had a good case to present her with, she would go as far as to break up in order to avoid talking about it … These red flags along the way never left my mind. I saved all ext we had written since the day I met her. I was with her for 3 1/2 years altogether, but it was at 2 1/2 years I found what I needed to prove that all the times I suspected something was going on < I was completely correct. She gave me her old phone after she bpught a new one.  She made sure to return the phone to factory settings… This is the phone she had used since I met her. She thought when she returned it to factory settings that I could never know what was deleted by the reset. As soon as I had her old phone and before I had it activated for my use,, I rooted the phone making it able to be “undeleted” I then had absolutely every text, email, kik message, photo sent and received on that phone since I met her, every conversation she ever had. I had a clear pic of what went on and all the lies I had been told and believe me ,, ALL my suspicions plus some were true. When she charmed me back in this time I knew what she had been up to but I kept it quiet. It was my turn. I began doing exactly what she had been doing from the start. one year later when she was at my home I made sure to leave my computer on and made sure I looked like I was asleep. She took the bait and read the saved text I purposely left her to see. She was pissed that I could do something like this to her ! I was just following her example. Obviously she felt this kind of behavior was ok ,because she engaged in it quit heavily, but for some reason didn’t like the feeling when it was done to her. She lied to me and provided stories and or play by play accounts of the day in question. When things didn't add up , I would ask again because I didn't believe her, and I would always get the same answer that still didn't line up with the events.

[tgf379]

I had always wondered if she was seeing other men when she wasnt with me. I wondered if she used these times to maybe see someone she had been in contact with. I didn’t know if she was in contact with other men, but I always had my suspicions. When I brought this to her attention when I felt strange about something that didn’t seem right to me... she would become very defensive and blow it off ,, and would also reprimand me for being paranoid. If I felt like I had a good case to present her with, she would go as far as to break up in order to avoid talking about it … These red flags along the way never left my mind. I saved all ext we had written since the day I met her. I was with her for 3 1/2 years altogether, but it was at 2 1/2 years I found what I needed to prove that all the times I suspected something was going on < I was completely correct. She gave me her old phone after she bpught a new one.  She made sure to return the phone to factory settings… This is the phone she had used since I met her. She thought when she returned it to factory settings that I could never know what was deleted by the reset. As soon as I had her old phone and before I had it activated for my use,, I rooted the phone making it able to be “undeleted” I then had absolutely every text, email, kik message, photo sent and received on that phone since I met her, every conversation she ever had. I had a clear pic of what went on and all the lies I had been told and believe me ,, ALL my suspicions plus some were true. When she charmed me back in this time I knew what she had been up to but I kept it quiet. It was my turn. I began doing exactly what she had been doing from the start. one year later when she was at my home I made sure to leave my computer on and made sure I looked like I was asleep. She took the bait and read the saved text I purposely left her to see. She was pissed that I could do something like this to her ! I was just following her example. Obviously she felt this kind of behavior was ok ,because she engaged in it quit heavily, but for some reason didn’t like the feeling when it was done to her. She lied to me and provided stories and or play by play accounts of the day in question. When things didn't add up , I would ask again because I didn't believe her, and I would always get the same answer that still didn't line up with the events.

[Mattsacre]

Bahahahaha! Brilliant!

[JohnLove]

Hello tgf379... .while I don't think it's healthy to violate your partner in a relationship, I like your style.  

[AsGoodAsItGets]

I enjoyed reading it.  Though the truth is the best.  No reason to create false events to create lessons or feels.  Actually sorry. Please disregard what I said.  Didn't mean to judge.

[True Grenadine]

Hi,

I must say that two wrongs don't make a right but please don't be offended. I too was/am in the same situation. I'm not as clever with technology as you so I just plain ole snooped and was not surprised by what I found.

In the end I have no regret for snooping and would love to dish it back... .My BPD GF is a vindictive human and I've got two little girls so I try not too provoke anything.

Regardless, I'm done with her lies and manipulation and am booting her out of my life and my girls life.

Best of luck!

TG

[hopealways]

I wondered this too, I guess many of us did but were too afraid to find out the truth because it would mean losing them and losing the fantasy.  We should follow our instincts.

[JaneStorm]

I turned into almost a licensed investigator. Everything had a dossier; him, his exes that were buzzing around, and the husband of one of his buzzing exes. I have all of the emails, text, and naughty pics he collected from each of them. I saved all of them over the 1.5 years. He never knew, until recently, only because it was leverage to have him leave me alone and not slander me.

He kisses my butt and I ignore him.

[JohnLove]

Further, for everyones benefit Android phones do not back up text messages to Google.

So after she cheated the first time. In order to rebuild trust I installed the SMSBackup+ app from Google Play (it's free ).

Well 2 years later it was a treasure trove of information... .and not the kind I wanted to see.

And before anyone flames or judges me... .It was her phone and it was done with her permission... .but I guess the BPD amnesia got the better of her.

It also backs up call logs. 

KNOW THIS. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.

... .but it may hurt like hell in the meantime.  :'(

[HarleypsychRN]

I kinda had a similar situation. My BPD-ex would use the voxer app several times a day to leave messages/text her daughter, saying the most disparaging things about me, while to my face... .well you know. She had a old phone that was unlocked and I got curious and went in and listened. When I asked her about the deceit, she left the next day, cold and totally unemotionally (I believe she may have been dissociating... .honestly, it didn't even look like her). One of the most bizarre things I've ever witnessed (and I've seen a lot).

The dishonesty, acting and deceit are (for me) the most hurtful part of the disorder (or perhaps its just the person).

I deserve better than that.

[Fr4nz]

I kinda had a similar situation. My BPD-ex would use the voxer app several times a day to leave messages/text her daughter, saying the most disparaging things about me, while to my face... .well you know. She had a old phone that was unlocked and I got curious and went in and listened. When I asked her about the deceit, she left the next day, cold and totally unemotionally (I believe she may have been dissociating... .honestly, it didn't even look like her). One of the most bizarre things I've ever witnessed (and I've seen a lot).

The dishonesty, acting and deceit are (for me) the most hurtful part of the disorder (or perhaps its just the person).

I deserve better than that.

Yes, it's quite possible she dissociated. If you read these forums, it's something that, whenever they get discovered, happens often. They run away.

Indeed, the fact that you discovered her, most probably, provoked her feelings of intense, profound shame; since they are unable to control their emotions and face their own issues/mistakes, primitive psychological defense mechanisms kicked in... .and you experienced that abnormal breakup.