As Close As I'll Get to Full Detachment

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I'm about a year removed at this point from my relationship with dBPDex-gf. Despite it being a really chaotic and painful relationship filled with treatment that felt really unfair and hurtful, I somehow managed to stay on good terms with her. But I haven't had any substantive contact with her for months (my choice). Every so often she will check in to see how I am doing, and I'll engage her on her life, etc., but that's the limit of what I want from a relationship with her. And I'm comfortable with that.

I've reached the point where I've forgiven her for any mistakes I think she made during the relationship, and I truly wish her well. At the same time, it's best that our involvement in each other's lives is at a minimum.

Anyway, I went to a concert with my good friend, and I actually ran into my ex-gf for the first time in months. I knew going in she would be there and I was fine with it. I wasn't enthusiastic, but it was fine. I had arrived with a close mutual friend of ours and we all hung out. Like I said, my ex and I are on really good terms so I caught up with her, introduced myself to her boyfriend, tried to get to know him... .Things I couldn't have even imagined doing 6 months ago.

Don't get me wrong... .I wasn't completely indifferent to this interaction, some emotions came up vaguely, but more than anything I really was happy that she seemed happy. I think the big thing was is that I recently broke up with my girlfriend, amicably but it was still quite painful, so my dBPDex-gf was the least of my worries. And it gave me perspective and distance I guess.

I don't know. Thought it might be helpful to some to read that I've reached a point of acceptance and detachment (and if anyone has read my posts going back a WAYS, you'll see that's been hard

But it can and will happen with time. Maybe it will take longer than you think is normal, but be kind to yourself. And love yourself.

[mrwigand]

I'm about a year removed at this point from my relationship with dBPDex-gf. Despite it being a really chaotic and painful relationship filled with treatment that felt really unfair and hurtful, I somehow managed to stay on good terms with her. But I haven't had any substantive contact with her for months (my choice). Every so often she will check in to see how I am doing, and I'll engage her on her life, etc., but that's the limit of what I want from a relationship with her. And I'm comfortable with that.

I've reached the point where I've forgiven her for any mistakes I think she made during the relationship, and I truly wish her well. At the same time, it's best that our involvement in each other's lives is at a minimum.

Anyway, I went to a concert with my good friend, and I actually ran into my ex-gf for the first time in months. I knew going in she would be there and I was fine with it. I wasn't enthusiastic, but it was fine. I had arrived with a close mutual friend of ours and we all hung out. Like I said, my ex and I are on really good terms so I caught up with her, introduced myself to her boyfriend, tried to get to know him... .Things I couldn't have even imagined doing 6 months ago.

Don't get me wrong... .I wasn't completely indifferent to this interaction, some emotions came up vaguely, but more than anything I really was happy that she seemed happy. I think the big thing was is that I recently broke up with my girlfriend, amicably but it was still quite painful, so my dBPDex-gf was the least of my worries. And it gave me perspective and distance I guess.

I don't know. Thought it might be helpful to some to read that I've reached a point of acceptance and detachment (and if anyone has read my posts going back a WAYS, you'll see that's been hard

But it can and will happen with time. Maybe it will take longer than you think is normal, but be kind to yourself. And love yourself.

[Teereese]

 

Thank you Mrwigand.

It helps to hear experiences of acceptance and detachment. Especially when I am in a place that does not allow for it yet, mid divorce.

My stbx and I are mostly NC except for required contact in court and matters of house sale.

Every interaction that I have with him shows how angry and cruel he is and it leaves me reeling afterwards.

I go into these interactions with the resolution of being calm, collected and strong. I just want this to be over so I can have time and distance to heal and move on. I try to remain so while there. His anger and cruelty continue to cut me to the core. I can usually make it to the car before I break down into a blubbering mess.

Each time, I allow him to have less effect on me and the reeling and blubbering pass quicker.

I know the end is in sight and keep looking forward to it.

Thank you for your reminders too 

[Learning_curve74]

Thank you for sharing your story mrwigand. It sounds like you are doing pretty well at this time. 

There is a thread on the staying board for people still in BPD relationships called "success stories", maybe there should be one on this board too but for people who are enjoying life post-BPD relationship.

[kc sunshine]

Oh yes, I would love a thread on post-BPD life & relationship success stories.

Thank you for sharing your story mrwigand. It sounds like you are doing pretty well at this time. 

There is a thread on the staying board for people still in BPD relationships called "success stories", maybe there should be one on this board too but for people who are enjoying life post-BPD relationship.

[zeus123]

it's not about getting over your BPD ex, it's about repairing and empowering you to become the man you've always dreamed of being.