NC/RWG thread part 7

[MapleBob]

In a few hours it will be both exactly six weeks NC, and exactly one year since the breakup. I don't have anything super profound to say about that at the moment, but it's worth noting. I'm still angry, still sad, and damaged by her. I wish that she would reach out and apologize and make amends. Or even just say hello. But it's best that she doesn't, and I certainly won't.

[jc1010]

I have faith in you maplebob

One of the best things thats been helping me is that i posted these 14 tips of Letting Go by Darlene Lancer (google it) on my wall right above my bed. One of the tips is having compassion for him/her by knowing their motives. Once you see her motives it makes it easier to accept her for these and almost have understanding. it helps you separate you from him/ her. These tips have been really helping me and i hope that they can help anybody here feeling lonely or grief from NC. Time heals all wounds but i'm learning that you yourself can heal quicker by remembering these tips while staying NC.

[kc sunshine]

Here's an update on my journey with my BPDex. I don't know what to make of it, in terms of my own feelings. On the one hand it is like a slow removal of a band aid, soaking it in a tub of contact. On the other hand, it is probably extending my recovery process .  Here are the details (sorry if it is TMI!):

2/14 Called me to talk about the relationship (she had been dating a couple and my hunch is that they broke up over this weekend). I texted her asking "is everything okay" but kind of deflected the actual talk.

2/15 She wanted me to come over, in a flirty way. I couldn't but told her I would have if I could have.

2/18 She came over for dinner and we had a great time. It was with my mom and her daughter and another friend and we were all laughing together. She pressed her foot against mine under the table and we hugged a couple of times in the kitchen. She texted me afterwards saying that my house "still feels like home" to her.

2/20 I went over to her house to help her out with something and she initiated kissing me. It didn't get too far though, and we ended up just resting in each other's arms. She said "it would be so easy to fall into intimacy with you" in the beginning of the interaction, but by the end of it said "I'm so glad we can be friends." It felt like a pull/push but not too bad of one. I went running to deal with the separation anxiety when I left (which was pretty acute). She texted later to say that she was home but that she was ambivalent if I should come over. I went and we snuggled on the couch to watch TV which was nice but she also kept getting texts and calls from the couple. I heard the story of the breakup and they are still involved but just not in a relationship (they they are intimate with one another and still very close as friends). Then we talked about our relationship-- she said she was thinking about it a lot and talking to her friends about it... .how easy it would be to get back together with me. What they seem to have come to, though, is that the situation is still similar (I might move at the end of the summer) and that who knows if I am able to change in the ways she would like me to (better communicator, make more decisions towards her). I listened to her and told her from my end that the love is still very much intact. She seemed open to and appreciative of things that I have realized and learned but that she still doesn't trust me, trust that I can change. And that without the trust, the love is difficult. With that we more or less ended it. She said "thanks for talking."