Skin Picking

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My BPD ex used to have this obsession where she would pick at her skin. It was especially worse on her legs. About midway through the relationship she began picking at my skin. It was mostly my back but would also escalate to other parts of my body including my face. At first I would tell her to stop and that I didn't like it. But over time I became numb to it. Did anyone else have this problem with a BPD ex?

[Hindsight2020]

My BPD ex used to have this obsession where she would pick at her skin. It was especially worse on her legs. About midway through the relationship she began picking at my skin. It was mostly my back but would also escalate to other parts of my body including my face. At first I would tell her to stop and that I didn't like it. But over time I became numb to it. Did anyone else have this problem with a BPD ex?

[greenmonkey]

my ex did it with her feet and her son copied her - awful disgusting gross habit 

[sweetheart]

Hello Hindsight2020,

I'm usually over on Staying  , but I saw your thread and felt compelled to post, I don't think I've ever seen a thread on this before.

What you describe has a name it is Dermatillomania, or Skin Picking and it is indeed linked to BPD. Of course not all pwBPD or BPD traits do this, but some like my dBPDh do. It is linked to other psychiatric disorders as well, like OCD, anxiety, Body Dismorphia.

My dBPDh has always done this, at first it used to freak me out, before I understood what it was. I asked his P if it was in anyway linked to his illness and then did some searching online myself. My dBPDh goes through phases of this, if he is particularly unwell it can be very bad, he has gouged a circular hole out of the top of his thigh that has left a horrible scar. That's just one area that he has picked! He has holes and scars on his ears, neck, arms.

My h has a past history of self injurious behaviours through cutting, and I see extreme Skin Picking as a form of self-mutilation.

What I have noticed is he is unable to leave any spot, bump, pimple, any bit of his body alone, he will keep picking and picking until it becomes 'an issue' and oftentimes may need medical attention. Sometimes he is aware of his picking and sometimes he is not.

Here is a link that explains in more detail about Skin Picking www.dermasupportnetwork.org/what-is-dermatillomania/

[Frank88]

Hindsight2020: This seems to hit home with me.  I did not see any cutting or mutilation in my BPDex.  However, she did scratch a lot and had little scars from it.  I just realized that she liked to pick at me as well (blemishes, skin, etc.).  It seemed weird at the time, but now it makes sense.

[svart]

It was the first red flag I noticed on my ex. She used to do it on her scalp dermatillomania is the name for this disorder.

[cootkilla]

mine picked her face almost everynight - never saw it bleed or scar- but never saw anything to be picking either - she says zits but I never saw any. just thought it was another one of those things, I guess it was just another unrecognized red flag

[Pretty Woman]

It's so weird when you realize this is actually a trait. .

Mine was always popping my zits and picking at my blemishes. If there was a small bump on my arm she would dig at it. I am lucky this was not often (I have great skin) however it was gross and quite strange for sure!

PW

[Hindsight2020]

It's been a year since we split up. Its been nc the entire time. I feel no need to contact her, and I'm almost 100% sure she won't contact me again. Not that our breakup was much worse then anyone else's on this board. I just feel like if it hasn't happened at this point, it probably never will. And I'm happy with that. Ever since we split I always felt like the picking was a type of physical abuse. The emotional abuse was always there, but I never thought of it as physical abuse during the relationship. Some of the marks she left have never went away. I have bumps on my arms from her squeezing at my skin with her long nails. I feel like she'll always be in the back of my mind as long as their still there

[Technique]

Mine would pull at the very fine hair above her lip. MUST have been painful. I didn't notice it until a few months into the relationship (like most things) The longer we were together the more often she would do it.

[Rmbrworst]

My exBPD's fingers were a bloody mess because he would pick at them constantly. 

He would become angry if I moved his hands away from each other or away from his mouth. 

[Learning Fast]

My ex would pick at the top of both of her thumbs with her forefingers.  Sometimes she wore bandaids if it became too noticeable or obvious.  Whenever I inquired she would quickly hide her hands and change the subject.

Additionally, whenever sun tanning she would ALWAYS end up with a sunburn.  Rarely if ever wore sunscreen and has a fair complexion to boot.  Also had chronic ear/hearing problems.  I finally offered to find a local ENT for treatment.  Her response "Oh, don't do that because if I didn't have some type of ailment I wouldn't know what to do with myself".

Learning more about the disorder convinced me that this was a mild/moderate form of self-mutilation.

LF

[JosephD]

My exes fingernails were always chewed down.  She picked at my pores and my few zits.  Like she was trying to fix me. Is that control or is that just an extension of their body mutilation? Or are they OCD? Regardless, it is not normal and is a BPD Red flag.

[Hindsight2020]

It's sad that this is something so many people had to go through . It worries me that so many people with BPD have to suffer with this. Thank you all for your responses.

[ostr38]

My SO with BPD constantly hurts himself. He is very handy, and not clumsy. But he is constantly either burns himself when stocking fire in the stove or cutting himself with tools at work. He is also obsessed with popping zits! He makes himself bleed doing that. Is it connected to BPD too? I wonder now... .I always thought it was just him being 'tough'... .But the zits thing I think won't fall into the category.

[Cazz787]

Mine lived too filthy to be OCD, but she was always obsessed with working, picking at the pores on her nose. She also loved to pop zits. Strange to think this is affiliated with pwBP. Makes sense with the anxiety though. Although not every one with anxiety does such things. Learn something new every day on here.