Hello

[sharon56]

Hello, My daughter has Borderline Personality Disorder.  I am terrified that she will kill yourself.  I struggle between wanting to rescue her and have her near me 24 hours a day to letting her work out her issues on her own.  She has had so many hospitalizations and has made so many dangerous horrible choices for herself.  Does anyone have any advice on what I can do as a parent to help  insure she doesn't commit suicide? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdmom1]

How old is your daughter? 

[michmom]

Hello Sharon56,

Welcome. I can totally feel your fear.  I too have a daughter (15) who was released from the hospital two weeks ago for a suicide attempt.  I fully know how difficult it is to try and live in a constant state of fear.  My daughter is working with a DBT therapist on "distress tolerance" skill building.  I have also had to re-learn "distress tolerance" from a much more intense prospective than my life before BPD.  It helps me.  I also would recommend that you read the article below to help you refocus your fear.  It also helps me.  I read it often.  We as parents can only be thoughtful about learning new ways to help our children accept their limitations and encourage new skills and reduce suffering.  Let me know if this was helpful.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

[Slipping]

Oh, Sharon, I'm so sorry.  I'm so glad you've come here where you can talk to other people who can offer a listening ear and support.  I know that fear only too well, lots of us here do.  My daughter made an attempt last year.  I felt the same desperation and anxiety that I hear in your post.  To this day she continues to criticize my reaction to her, but I keep telling her that I was in shock.  Do you feel like that?

I think what you do now will depend a lot on your daughter's age and living situation.  I see someone has already asked, but how old is she?  Your ability to help or direct is different when it's a teen living with you vs an adult not in your home.  Mine is an adult, so I can't insist on treatment for her.  Did the doctors at the hospital recommend any therapy for her or your family?  It sounds like you might have been dealing with this for a long time?  I think health issues are very common for people suffering with BPD.  My daughter sounds a good bit like yours. 

I have grieved over this until I was literally sick.  Please try to find time to take care of yourself so that you can be available for your daughter.  Believe me, I know that's a lot easier said than done. Even small things like taking a break for a walk or a cup of hot tea can really help.  So can coming here to find support.  I found it very hard to think straight or make any good decisions in the immediate aftermath. 

[Slipping]

Hey Sharon, I'm sorry, I think I didn't read your post correctly.  You're not saying that she's made an actual attempt, but that you're afraid she will.  Is that right?  Sorry about that.

When we were struggling through the extended crisis that led to my daughter's attempt, I was taking the NAMI Family-to-Famly class where they taught how to make a crisis plan.  I had recorded all of her doctor's numbers, emergency phone numbers and organized her medical records so that they were available when I needed them. That was the only thing I could control.  It was very helpful to have at hand and I'd recommend that if you have the time and energy.

My daughter still threatens suicide almost every day.  I wake up to text messages about it almost every morning. I wish there were some magic wand we could wave and save our kids.  I wish that every single day.  I'm learning, though, that it's nearly impossible to live in a state of constant alert and fear.  It was making me sick, literally.  I love what MichMom had to say above, and agree, we can learn about BPD and skills so that we can influence them and try to offer them hope.