Had enough I think

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ok we had another good night last night. Musical. She loved it. We spent the night at a B and B.  Made love twice. But this morning it ended badly. I'm just so tired of this. I've said all I can say. Done all I can do. And it's made no difference.  Things are on her terms.  She doesn't want a relationship.  It's finally over.  I'm going to give my best effort to date to go no contact.  Pray for me.  I love her. Want to spend my life with her. But that just won't happen.  And it hurts. I don't think I'll ever hear from her again I fear.

[Scopikaz]

Ok we had another good night last night. Musical. She loved it. We spent the night at a B and B.  Made love twice. But this morning it ended badly. I'm just so tired of this. I've said all I can say. Done all I can do. And it's made no difference.  Things are on her terms.  She doesn't want a relationship.  It's finally over.  I'm going to give my best effort to date to go no contact.  Pray for me.  I love her. Want to spend my life with her. But that just won't happen.  And it hurts. I don't think I'll ever hear from her again I fear.

[zeus123]

if you do not hear from her again, than you should be glad! not FEAR.

[Scopikaz]

I know. But I fear no one will compare to her. That's my fear.  I'm

Sorry.

[Driver]

I know. But I fear no one will compare to her. That's my fear.  I'm

Sorry.

If you want te be happy in your next relationship, don't compare your next gf with your ex. Accept her as she is the same way she'll accept you the way you are.

[Suzn]

What happened Scopikaz?

[apollotech]

I don't think I'll ever hear from her again... .

Scopikaz,

I wouldn't count on that ^^^^. You should take this time now to work on yourself, get yourself under control and into a position to where, for you, it doesn't matter whether or not you hear from her again. It takes two to tango my friend. As long as she is able to contact you and you'll engage her, you're going to be stuck in this chaotic dance with her.

[Rmbrworst]

You are in my thoughts.  You're better than this.  Don't settle for this.  Don't idealize her.  She isn't good for you and she's mistreating you.  You need someone dedicated to you.  Find yourself and your esteem. 

Much love

[Larmoyant]

Skopikaz, I can hear how much this hurts and can relate. I’m often scared that I’ll never hear from my ex again even now and we’ve been finished for a month. I suspect, if she’s anything like mine, that she’ll be back knocking on your door soon enough. I was advised to focus on what I was going to do if he made contact again and to reflect on what I wanted/didn’t want in a relationship. Maybe that might help. I’m new here so don’t know much, but I know how to give a comforting hug. 

[Caley]

With respect,

Scopikaz,

Are you aware of how many times now that you have said the same things but not followed through on your own convictions?

You keep letting yourself down mate ... and, if you keep doing that ... so will she.

Best regards Mukker ... I found nurturing a small potted plant gave a better return.

[FannyB]

Scopikaz

There is a total mismatch between what we want in a caring reciprocal adult relationship and what we get from a borderline. I don't know how old you are, but I reckon you're probably a tad long in the tooth to want to sign up for a lifetime of playing emotional ping pong with a woman who simply can't be what you need her to be.

To use an analogy, you want a nice safe robust family car that scores high on reliability, but you keep looking at 2 seater sports cars with 200K on the clock and wondering why you can't fit the kids in the back! 

Stop looking at your ex as you want her to be and try seeing her as she actually is - you will soon wise up.


Fanny

[Scopikaz]

Thanks everyone for the thoughts.  

As she is it's such a dichotomy. And that's the problem

She's a great conversationalist. Funny. Smart. Beautiful. Sensitive.  Seem compatible.

But the other side of her. Two failed marriages. Walked out on me - perhaps justified based on my behavior from months earlier in particularly.

But she's lost her children. Done zero to get them back. Hanging out at bars now. Can't afford to live on her own. And with me the past three months things are on her terms. Period. 

But I'm determined this time to make the nc work.

I saw on fb last night she was with one of her new player "friends".  At a Cheap bar.  Doing her favorite drinks. Winner huh?

[Suzn]

she's lost her children. Done zero to get them back. Hanging out at bars now. Can't afford to live on her own.

Sounds like she has some things to figure out.

She's a great conversationalist. Funny. Smart. Beautiful. Sensitive.  Seem compatible.

This is how she survives Scopikaz. It's interesting that you wrote this part first in your post. If sensitive and compatible were true she wouldn't have what she has to figure out.

Walked out on me - perhaps justified based on my behavior from months earlier in particularly.

What did your behavior look like? Was your behavior wrapped around trying to get her to see what she needs to figure out? 

[C.Stein]

But I'm determined this time to make the nc work.

There are only so many times you can stick your hand in the flame before there is nothing left to burn.

[Scopikaz]

Well the red flags were there. Friends of mine were warning me about her not having custody of her children. I had been single for two years prior.  So I was used to texting female friends or old girlfriends.  I think between my fears about her, my habits of texting others, etc that escalated into argument. And I lied to her about it. That In turn triggered her. She had a rage of sorts in front of good friends of mine. Etc.

[Scopikaz]

I just hate to see her hitting the bars.  All these new male friends who are players.  Female friends who look like they also are bar flies. 

Honestly. Aren't regulars at bars male or female in their thirties and forties. What kind of people are they? 

[C.Stein]

Honestly. Aren't regulars at bars male or female in their thirties and forties. What kind of people are they? 

Lonely and desperate?

[Suzn]

Well the red flags were there.

It may be good idea to ask yourself why you ignored these.