Maybe this is where I can understand

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Good Afternoon everyone,

I have recently split with my wife due to her cheating on me, we are currently separated (both relationship and physical location).

After heavy discussions on other forums, I have come here as it may be possible my ex-wife has severe BPD (something I had never heard of prior to a week or so ago).

The link above documents my struggle and how I have been dealing with it.

I guess I'm just looking for support and how to go forward from here without causing more issues. I have been accused of assault, sexual assault, rape and stealing the children all within the last week as she is not getting her way and its really knocking me around and I am a really nice guy who loves his children and I'm not sure how to handle my ex without causing more trouble to either myself or risking the kids safety.

My children are with her as she only works two days a week and I work full time in the military. It is not exactly a job I can just walk away from and obviously without her working she has a lot more time to plan schemes, support the children, etc and overall just make my life difficult.

She has had severe mood swings, excessive outbursts of rage towards me (to the point she threw up everywhere) but has been shifting back and forth between being really "Honest" (Ill get back to that point later) and extremely hostile and nasty.

If anyone wants specific details or events I am more than happy to help as I am not dealing with the changing of emotions and thought maybe here I might get some insight as to whether she may have BPD and how to handle outbursts, make life better for her overall (I still care for her, but after she cheated on me, the relationship will never exist again).

We have two children together, 2 and 5 (nearly 6) and they are my main priority, but also her happiness as well as she needs to find a new place, settle and care for the children too.

She has:

Cheated on me recently (I found out with overwhelming evidence).

Cheated on me in the past with several men, which I have only just begun to uncover, but she still denies it.

Will basically throw herself at any male who gives her attention.

Has excessive screaming fights at me when I'm telling her to calm down and relax and try to diffuse the situation.

Lied excessively to not just me, but all her friends and family over the years.

Has body image issues, she has eyebrow tattooing, breast surgery, tummy tuck, fake eyelashes, excessive face makeup, fake nails, buys only expensive brands of items.

Has had a very limited sexual relationship with me over the years, and when it did happen, she either held it against me or made me feel guilty about it.

Would scream at my children every day and say very damaging things to them, and if I tried to calm the situation down or help them out, she would take it out on me.

Couldn't even say sorry for cheating, nor would she ever say sorry for doing anything in life (unless I actually asked her to say sorry, but its fairly pointless then).

Had a supposed damaging childhood from her mother abusing her, but her brother says life wasn't so bad and is only two years younger.

Had multiple sexual partners between the age of 15 and 19 (close to 50) but remembers very little of it all, nor enjoyed it.

Cries excessive love towards me, yet had cheated on me only days ago and was still denying it at the time, and still after admitting continued to lie about other things.

I am beginning to think I will never get the honest truth out of her for anything she has done in life, and it wouldn't get her any further forward in life. It almost appears as every single trait she shows on a daily basis she makes out I am.

For example she says I am:

Manipulative.

A child.

A liar.

A cheater (accused me many times over the years, but I have never even been allowed to talk to another female during our whole 8 year relationship).

An abuser.

A controller.

Heartless.

Etc,etc,etc.

So where do I go from here, I really want the truth from her about what she has been doing all these years, I wont actually feel bad about it, it will just give me clarity moving forward that I'm not talking to people at work who have done the deed with my wife and I don't even know it. (She has likely slept with one of my bosses). Also just being able to deal with her would be nice.

On the weekend I arranged to have the children from Friday to Sunday, so I picked them up Friday and after she stalled me by not packing their bags I had to do it myself in the house and then she could quiz me over my daily life and said she would only be amicable if I told her what I was up to. Then after I took the children, she rang at 9:30 at night to say goodnight to them, but they were already fast asleep so I didn't respond to her, it had not even been 5 hrs since she saw them last and they were with me now. As of the morning she rang the police to file a missing persons report and the police had to come and sight my children when I did exactly what I told her I would do and take them to the city to a hotel. Its just really frustrating that the children have to see the police 2-3 times a week its not healthy and I really want to handle this whole situation better if possible.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and I'm very open to discussing specific details in length if you want so I can further understand if she might have BPD and how to deal with it all...

[Starman]

Good Afternoon everyone,

I have recently split with my wife due to her cheating on me, we are currently separated (both relationship and physical location).

After heavy discussions on other forums, I have come here as it may be possible my ex-wife has severe BPD (something I had never heard of prior to a week or so ago).

The link above documents my struggle and how I have been dealing with it.

I guess I'm just looking for support and how to go forward from here without causing more issues. I have been accused of assault, sexual assault, rape and stealing the children all within the last week as she is not getting her way and its really knocking me around and I am a really nice guy who loves his children and I'm not sure how to handle my ex without causing more trouble to either myself or risking the kids safety.

My children are with her as she only works two days a week and I work full time in the military. It is not exactly a job I can just walk away from and obviously without her working she has a lot more time to plan schemes, support the children, etc and overall just make my life difficult.

She has had severe mood swings, excessive outbursts of rage towards me (to the point she threw up everywhere) but has been shifting back and forth between being really "Honest" (Ill get back to that point later) and extremely hostile and nasty.

If anyone wants specific details or events I am more than happy to help as I am not dealing with the changing of emotions and thought maybe here I might get some insight as to whether she may have BPD and how to handle outbursts, make life better for her overall (I still care for her, but after she cheated on me, the relationship will never exist again).

We have two children together, 2 and 5 (nearly 6) and they are my main priority, but also her happiness as well as she needs to find a new place, settle and care for the children too.

She has:

Cheated on me recently (I found out with overwhelming evidence).

Cheated on me in the past with several men, which I have only just begun to uncover, but she still denies it.

Will basically throw herself at any male who gives her attention.

Has excessive screaming fights at me when I'm telling her to calm down and relax and try to diffuse the situation.

Lied excessively to not just me, but all her friends and family over the years.

Has body image issues, she has eyebrow tattooing, breast surgery, tummy tuck, fake eyelashes, excessive face makeup, fake nails, buys only expensive brands of items.

Has had a very limited sexual relationship with me over the years, and when it did happen, she either held it against me or made me feel guilty about it.

Would scream at my children every day and say very damaging things to them, and if I tried to calm the situation down or help them out, she would take it out on me.

Couldn't even say sorry for cheating, nor would she ever say sorry for doing anything in life (unless I actually asked her to say sorry, but its fairly pointless then).

Had a supposed damaging childhood from her mother abusing her, but her brother says life wasn't so bad and is only two years younger.

Had multiple sexual partners between the age of 15 and 19 (close to 50) but remembers very little of it all, nor enjoyed it.

Cries excessive love towards me, yet had cheated on me only days ago and was still denying it at the time, and still after admitting continued to lie about other things.

I am beginning to think I will never get the honest truth out of her for anything she has done in life, and it wouldn't get her any further forward in life. It almost appears as every single trait she shows on a daily basis she makes out I am.

For example she says I am:

Manipulative.

A child.

A liar.

A cheater (accused me many times over the years, but I have never even been allowed to talk to another female during our whole 8 year relationship).

An abuser.

A controller.

Heartless.

Etc,etc,etc.

So where do I go from here, I really want the truth from her about what she has been doing all these years, I wont actually feel bad about it, it will just give me clarity moving forward that I'm not talking to people at work who have done the deed with my wife and I don't even know it. (She has likely slept with one of my bosses). Also just being able to deal with her would be nice.

On the weekend I arranged to have the children from Friday to Sunday, so I picked them up Friday and after she stalled me by not packing their bags I had to do it myself in the house and then she could quiz me over my daily life and said she would only be amicable if I told her what I was up to. Then after I took the children, she rang at 9:30 at night to say goodnight to them, but they were already fast asleep so I didn't respond to her, it had not even been 5 hrs since she saw them last and they were with me now. As of the morning she rang the police to file a missing persons report and the police had to come and sight my children when I did exactly what I told her I would do and take them to the city to a hotel. Its just really frustrating that the children have to see the police 2-3 times a week its not healthy and I really want to handle this whole situation better if possible.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and I'm very open to discussing specific details in length if you want so I can further understand if she might have BPD and how to deal with it all...

[hope2727]

Hello Starman,

Welcome. I am sorry you have endured all of that. First and foremost take a breath. You are stinger than you know. You made it this far and you will get through this.

This board has been a source of great assistance to me and many others. There are excellent lessons and other resources posted. Many participants have been where you are and are able to offer both support and advice. You have taken the first steps towards finding some peace.

I have no specific advice other than to read the lessons (posted to the right hand side of the page). Read all the forums, ask questions and most important of all take very good care or yourself. You are no use to anyone if you are a wreck so put your own oxygen mask on first so to speak.

I hope you feel some small relief finding like minded people here. Take care.