Being Stonewalled

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

I have been banned from this discussion... .the bpdfamily is just that a bunch of BPD people.

[C.Stein]

I am relatively sure if you adhere to the guidelines your ban will probably be removed.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/terms-service

[Driver]

Well, you are able to post, so you have not been banned.

Maybe they simply didn't want two same topics at the same time by the same member. Besides, when you reach 6 pages they close the thread (you've reached 8!), however you can continue by re-opening the sequel to the thread as you have just done.

So why accusing them of BPD?

[Driver]

She hates me because she wants nothing to do with me.  She never told me that, but actions speak louder than words.  3 years and no word tells me she doesn't like me.  She never gave me a reason for the break up, just that it was over.  She warned me, in that I could feel it coming.  My whole story is on another thread.  Many people who have been text dumped want to find out why, it would not be uncommon for someone to show up at work or home to find out why.  People should be able to break up and talk not ignore or block or stonewall.

Have you wondered why she wants nothing to do with you? Did she ever explain it to you before dumping you?

How about her changing her phone number? Why do you think she did it?

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

driver I really appreciate your efforts, but if anyone would lock a thread that still has people communicating back and forth, that is wrong, its disrespectful.

I can only post on threads I start.  That's it, I'm being punished.

Of course I wonder why she wants nothing to do with me, and she didn't tell me why. She changed her number to keep me away from her, ended all contact.

[Driver]

driver I really appreciate your efforts, but if anyone would lock a thread that still has people communicating back and forth, that is wrong, its disrespectful.

It's just the way the forum is managed. Some forums allow endless threads, this forum allows 6 pages maximum per thread, but with the possibility to continue by opening sequels. It would be disrespectful if we had no opportunity to continue the discussion, but we do have the opportunity, see, here.

I can only post on threads I start.  That's it, I'm being punished.

Discuss with a mod on pm about it. I'm sure everything will be resolved.

Of course I wonder why she wants nothing to do with me, and she didn't tell me why. She changed her number to keep me away from her, ended all contact.

My question is, before she changed her phone number, did you try to call her when she broke up, and if yes how often per day or per week?

[C.Stein]

driver I really appreciate your efforts, but if anyone would lock a thread that still has people communicating back and forth, that is wrong, its disrespectful.

It has nothing to do with disrespect.  It is simply a matter of managing limited server resources.

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

Driver, no I did not pester her after the break up, because my last relationship before this one, I pestered and it drove her away.  I didn't want that so I did everything I could to keep it to a minimum, I would bet 5 times in a week? Its tough when someone doesn't answer their phone either... and they are the type who walks around with a phone in their hand. 

I don't feel the need to PM the mods as I am not doing anything wrong, a difference of opinion is no reason to block a poster here.

[Driver]

Driver, no I did not pester her after the break up, because my last relationship before this one, I pestered and it drove her away.  I didn't want that so I did everything I could to keep it to a minimum, I would bet 5 times in a week? Its tough when someone doesn't answer their phone either... and they are the type who walks around with a phone in their hand. 

I don't feel the need to PM the mods as I am not doing anything wrong, a difference of opinion is no reason to block a poster here.

Ok, do you feel a bit down, a bit depressed? What do you do to cheer up? Do you have any hobbies?

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

I work, I lift weights, and run about 12-15 miles a week.  My hobbies are fantasy sports. The only thing I'm down about is I have no answers, I would have thought after 3 years of avoidance I might have gotten the truth.

[cosmonaut]

I no longer have any part in moderator actions, so I have no information about what might or might not have happened.  I will only mention that there is a formal dispute process that any member may use regarding a moderator action they are involved in.  The link is here:

click here

[MapleBob]

I work, I lift weights, and run about 12-15 miles a week.  My hobbies are fantasy sports. The only thing I'm down about is I have no answers, I would have thought after 3 years of avoidance I might have gotten the truth.

Can you speculate about what might have led her to break up with you? What are your answers?

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

my goal here is not to get entangled in the bpdfamily.com complaint department, they did what they did, its my problem now. I can handle it.

I think she dumped me for her ex... .but I have no proof... .I don't think it was another guy because she would have rubbed it in my face... .it was a bad break up. Ex as in she was separated for 5 years, though she wasn't single.

[MapleBob]

I think she dumped me for her ex... .but I have no proof... .I don't think it was another guy because she would have rubbed it in my face... .it was a bad break up. Ex as in she was separated for 5 years, though she wasn't single.

Why do you think she did that?

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

Because she must love him and they have a young son. He leaves and comes back and she puts up with it.  He pays no child support.

[Driver]

Jonathan, it's good you do sports. I think, you should simply let it go. I know it's more easily said than done, but for your own mental sake, let her go.

Try to focus on your life now. The more you try to understand your ex without her answering the questions, the more you risk to imagine hurtful things that are unnecessary to you at this point.

The path of your life depends on the road that you are building with a vision ahead. Going backwards and ruminating about her won't make you feel any better.

One day you'll find the right person for you. Love relationship is not supposed to be a toxic one with such a suffering. When people break up, then it means they are incompatible, but it doesn't mean that they hate each other necessarily. When people initiate NC, it is often to protect the feelings and not to cause harm to others.

[hurting300]

I work, I lift weights, and run about 12-15 miles a week.  My hobbies are fantasy sports. The only thing I'm down about is I have no answers, I would have thought after 3 years of avoidance I might have gotten the truth.

Jonathon, she is a coward just like my ex. My ex did the same thing buddy. Do you really need to know why she did it? Think back to your relationship she must have dropped hints about things she is capable of?

[Suzn]

Because she must love him and they have a young son. He leaves and comes back and she puts up with it.  He pays no child support.

This is an example of emotional unavailability. Her feelings and attention is still wrapped up with her ex so there would likely be little room emotionally for you. Since you knew each other growing up she may have looked to you for comfort.

We can inadvertently perpetuate people being, or remaining, stuck as a victim in these circumstances as we position ourselves to be their rescuer.

[lbjnltx]

Sometimes new members arrive here very angry, angry from the hurt, confusion, and losses they have suffered in their relationship.  We have all experienced this to some degree so we understand.  We want to give new members the space, time and support they need to begin to work through their anger.  When that anger spills over and becomes detrimental to other new members or crosses the lines of respecting the relationship choices (Saving, Improving) of others it becomes necessary to put limits on posting abilities. This action allows an angry new member to continue to get the support they need while protecting the integrity of the relationship boards and the more vulnerable members.

Discussion topics are limited to 6 pages to enable the "all" option to be active.  A thread that is locked at 6 pages will end with a moderation note that explains why the topic is locked.  It is an action driven by technology, it isn't meant to be disruptive, seen as an act of judgment, or taken personally.

The staff is here to support the membership and keep the site a place of education, healing, and personal growth.  It takes a great deal of structure to be more than a place to vent and it takes a great group of caring, knowledgeable and giving members to sustain it.