I just got out of a 3 month relationship which was "meh". Now all I do is keep thinking of the exBPDgf from over 10 months ago! What the... .! I feel like a real stalker. I'm looking her up and seeing if I can reconnect which is pa-the-tic. I am disappointed with myself.
My brain is playing tricks. Remembering the "good stuff" and glossing over the bad.
To make it worse, I am relocating back to the area where she lives. It just so happens she lives near my folks which is the reason why I am moving. Really it is. I need to get a handle on this. It's silly.
Where's the list of all the bad things and lies?
Hi WJH,
I think in a roundabout way you've answered your own question. (I am speculating on what I am about to say, so you correct me if I am wrong.) You said that you just came out of a relationship that was "meh" which I assume means that you weren't placed on a pedestal and that you didn't receive all the crazy idealization that you once received from your BPDex, and if you did receive those things from the "meh" partner, they probably didn't last as long and possibly weren't as intense, which is normal. You came out of idealization with this "meh" partner and found that you weren't attracted to her, which is also a possible normal outcome. The "meh" relationship moved to an area where, if there was indeed something to base the relationship on, something substantial, the relationship would flourish. Instead, nothing was there, so it was "meh." BPD relationship don't follow this sequence. They oftentimes go from idealization to devaluation, and can do this many times (recycles). As a result, the Non is constantly stimulated by the relationship. (This is the "addictive" aspect of a BPD relationship, overstimulation for an overly extended period of time, which alters brain chemistry. Unfortunately, this is also why PTSD is also associated with these types of relationships.) I suspect that your "addiction" is speaking to you. You got into a normal relationship, and it simply didn't provide the "hit" that you once received from the BPD relationship. What do you do?---you turn back to the person that can indeed provide said drug, your BPDex.
Will you ever enter into another relationship like you had with your BPDex?---pray that you do not. It wasn't normal nor healthy. Your expectations of a relationship or SO shouldn't be based on that model. Will you meet someone and y'all fall deeply in love and create a relationship that is nurturing and fulfilling for you both?---I hope that one day you do find that. But that type of a relationship won't have the characteristics associated with a BPD relationship. The "drug" (love) that it will provide will be much more long lasting, much more sustainable, much more substantial, much more stable, etc.
So, your "meh" experience is normal. You might go through several "mehs" before you find a "YES!" Your "YES" is out there, but I don't believe that she is your BPDex.
