My therapist wants me to try medication. I'm unsure

[Itstopsnow]

My therapist suggested a few times depression medication. I'm scared I never took medication. And I'm afraid to get fat. I have eating disorders but they were in remission until the end of my relationship . My depression will get really bad if I start to gain weight. Right now my weight is the only thing I'm comfortable with in my life. And I don't want to become dependent upon a pill to make me better . Has anyone taken anything? Does it help? I would like to feel better. I feel like I'm actually missing him more as the months go by. He was so abusive to me on so many levels! What does that say about me? There was a good side to him. Even though the bad out weighed the good. I keep now leaning towards missing him. When at first I wanted nothing to do with him. What is wrong with me? I'm so dissappointed in him and in myself for just not letting go. So many people can detach and let go! Especially when they are wronged so terribly! Why can't I. I feel like a fool .

[Finnegan]

Hi, i understand your worry about taking Meds.  I recently refused as I feel I need to know this pain and hurt, the truth of it keeps me grounded.   I have been on Meds before and they can help balance moods and have helped me cope with difficult times in the past, but the thing that really helped was talking.  Just letting it out to a trusted non judgmental counsellor who helped me logically look at myself.  How I react to situations and how to not let my thoughts control me but rather accept difficult times and work through them.   Only you know what you really need though and sometimes the right Meds can offer a calmer state of mind.  I hope you have a person to talk this through with face to face who really knows you.  So to answer your question, yes I have taken Meds but this time my inner voice is telling me not to.  When I took them I was in a different place and unable (due to the fear of revealing too much) talk to my friends about my problems.  The Meds reduced my anxiety levels and really helped me get through a bad time to a better place and then I weaned myself off them.  Hope you find your answer soon xx

[Rmbrworst]

Sometimes you can go on depression medication as a temporary measure.  You do not have to be on it forever.  If you're having a very hard time getting out of a depression, you can go on them until you  start to detach and recover.  Then slowly taper off of them and see how you feel when they're out of your system, and your exBPD is out of your system.

I have thought of going on a temporary stint of depression medication, but now I've decided I can endure it on my own, as I've been feeling better (however, still heartbroken).

Do what feels right for you.

[Suzn]

I was afraid to take meds too so I didn't. It probably would have helped during the deep depression I went through just after my breakup.

I feel like I'm actually missing him more as the months go by. He was so abusive to me on so many levels! What does that say about me? 

It's natural to look for comfort when we are depressed or sad. This person was a comfort, on some level, for you at one time. What does it say about you? It could be you are struggling with self soothing. I did too at first. It's one of the ways I ended up in new relationships before I was ready in my history. Looking for comfort.

In what ways are you taking care of you? What are some healthy things can you do to distract yourself from reaching out to your ex when you are longing for comfort?

[JQ]

Hello Itsstopsnow,

When i was going through my PTSD EMDR treatment & other therapy before I retired from the military I had a military doctor told me he was going to give me meds to help with things ... .I told her no thanks. We then had a very intense discussion where at the end she told me she would escort me down to the med counter to "insure" I got them. I told her, that's fine, but you'll never know once I leave the building if I'm taking them or not and unless you strap me down to a bed in the hospital I'm pretty sure I'm not going to take them     She then tried a different approach of "suggesting" ... .again I told her my stance on meds, gaining weight, etc. and I just needed to get through this point in life ... .she finally relented ... .you should of saw the frustration on her face ... .LMAO. A officer & doctor who most likely got their way and a senior NCO telling her ... .NO. 

That being said, in America the choice is yours ... .if you believe that you can work your way through it and keep an open mind & be honest with yourself as to your progress then I would say stick to your guns. If things change and you believe they "might" help then tweak things as needed. But the choice is yours ... .

I did and continue to use other means then meds to improve my attitude. Sun ... .SUN light is so important to improving your mental attitude. It's winter and unless your living in a place like me where the sun shines most of the year then the overcast clouds might not allowing in enough light to your eyes receptacles to send serotonin levels up and improve things. I had a doc tell me when I was stationed in a overcast cloudy part of the world most of the year to increase my wattage in my house. Use 100 watts bulbs vise the 40-60 watt bulbs that most people have. And try NOT to use the "soft white" bulbs but a clearer more natural lightbulb. 

Get out to a movie once a week ... .I take myself out to a afternoon matinee once a week. Get out and eat that burger & beer too ... .I call a friend or two to catch up. You sound in good shape so be sure to stay with that ... .burn off the excess stress with pushing some iron ... .biking ... .whatever it is that you do to burn off stress.  And most important ... .get some much required REM sleep and use melatonin if you need too ... .I adjust mine from 20-50 mgs as needed ... .and I've seen where a 10-15 minute cold shower everyday improves sleep too ... .and I can say I've used this method off and on to test it and for me it tends to work. Try it for a week and see how you do ... then stop for a week and see if you notice a difference.

Hang in there ... .take a deep breath ... .things are going to get better ... .GET OUT & GET IN THE SUN, EXERCISE TO BURN STRESS & GOOD ENDORPHINS, GET OUT TO A MOVIE "EADPOOL", AND GET THAT SLEEP!

Things will get better ... .they always do. 

J

[kc sunshine]

Hi! On the recommendation of people on the boards here, I tried SAMe and I think it is helping a bit (though I am still enmeshed with my BPDex   )

[Dutched]

Indeed, your T  w a n t s … but you decide…

It is completely justified to worry about antidepressants or medicines ‘to lift the mood’.

So was your serotonin level measured?  

NO, as it can’t be measured as ones blood pressure…  

Up to this day there is no way to test those levels… it is assuming, guessing. These medicines are based on empirical research, seems even placebo’s can have the same effect.

Now, to you it is ‘sold’ as a temporarily help for your recovery.

Numerous and numerous effects about it can be found on the internet, please read, investigate.

First of all, taking them will worsen your mood in the first month (3rd generation antidepressant which should have the least side effects)  

The type will have to ‘fit’ you, so to speak, but it takes a few months to find out.

Switch to those that might better fit? Takes at least a month to reduce the old ones, another month in order to detox of those old chemicals.

When longer on antidepressants, say one yr., then count that decreasing the doses till zero will take up to 6-9 months… to detox

As others JQ suggests, sun light, walking, doing sports and yes light bulbs (light therapy is used for ‘winter depressions’).

I don’t want you not to consider these medicines, only advising  

[Itstopsnow]

Thank you everyone! I am starting a new regime for myself. weekly massages for at least one month. acupuncture  every other week. And I'll have them do some addiction and depression points. I am going to try to get to daily mass . Running outside when weather is good and gym if it is not. I hope to report back all good things soon!.

Thanks again

[kc sunshine]

Those are great ideas itstopsnow! I'm gonna do them too!

[JQ]

Thank you everyone! I am starting a new regime for myself. weekly massages for at least one month. acupuncture  every other week. And I'll have them do some addiction and depression points. I am going to try to get to daily mass . Running outside when weather is good and gym if it is not. I hope to report back all good things soon!.

Thanks again

Itstopsnow,

All excellent ideas     I didn't even think about the massage or acupuncture ... .both great ideas and I'm going to look into that myself.  You mentioned the running in the gym if the weather isn't good ... .don't forget those bright light bulbs! As Dutched suggested it's a GREAT idea for "winter depressions".  I was actually in Seattle when our military doc came in and did a briefing on the affects of low light and Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) that was seamed to be affecting more of us as the more time we spent in the area.  It won't be long before you notice a difference if you do that ... .kitchen, living room lights to get started then the bathroom. The light that hits the back of your eyes then sends the signals to your brain is directly responsible for the amount of good serotonin levels!

But you're on the right track!  Taking care of yourself ... .mind, body and soul!  You're certainly setting the examples for others to follow.  Here's a project for you on your new regime.  Keep a simple journey on your computer ... .day you started, how you felt, then document when you ran, worked out, ate a good meal, the brighter lights, massages, acupuncture ... .before and after and share them here with the rest of the group. It's a great way to give back to others and pay it forward.

Awesome attitude!

JQ

[Itstopsnow]

Thank you all for such great responses! And excellent tips and encouragement! I definitely want to get that light! I do just want to move on with my life. Today would of been my 2 year anniversary with him. I just would like to forget this relationship. It wasn't good to me at all when I look at everything. Yet, I loved him. And that's ok. Because my love was real and I gave my all. I don't have anything to be ashamed of on my side of the street . I will hopefully move on and once a few years go by and my life is on track with someone worthy of giving and receiving love mutually . I'll look back at this as a time of growth and reprogramming . And hopefully I can even look back at it one day with gratitude . Gratitude for what I was spared of , gratitude for the person I am and the integrity I have. This relationship made me realize I'm a nice person. I give and I'm helpful. I'm not angry and negative or stupid as he always claimed I was. We can all move on to healthier options. That likely won't. We will all get through this . It's sad they won't. But until they hit a rock bottom they likely will keep repeating their lifestyle choices . Life is too short to settle for that. Much love to all of you! 

[Sluggo]

About 6 months ago the MC suggested I get on Meds.  I had never taken any before and I am 45.  I talked with my family doc and he prescribed me wellibutrin.  One of the side affects is a decrease in appetite.  Another secondary use for the drug is for people to quit smoking.  However the primary use is for people with a depressive disorder. 

I found it worked well.  I ramped up to the max dose450 mg after about 3 months but it may me nauseated and wanting to dry heave at different points in the day. The 300 mg dose was fine. 

However my family doc said he has a lot luck giving patience wellibutrim and a very small dose of prozac. That has been a great combo.  All this stress of my marriage and my wifes insults, belittling, provocation that normally would throw me in a tail spin in which I would crawl back to my wife and take the blame so then I could apologize so it would be over. 

However, now I am not phased by her moods and actions as before and feel that I am handling things much more healthy way.  The down side is that the more assertive I have become the harder my wife pushes and escalates which has made me realize that I need to remove myself from this dysfunction which I have endured for the better part of our 18 yrs of marriage.  So you could say I have been able to get my feet under me with the help of the medicine. 

It has been good for me. 

[Beacher]

Hi,

I was always proud that I was the only one in my family not on an antidepressant! But after 10 years of trying to cope with my BPD husband my psychologist suggested that I go on short term. Once I met the psychiatrist he pointed out that I have probably been depressed for years after living with the insanity. I tried them when I was younger as a form of pain management ( have had several spine procedures) and never liked the wired out feeling it gave me. But things were so incredibly bad and I just could not stop crying or get out of bed, was starting to oversleep and coming  to work late as well as losing connection with friends and family. I was in a crisis as it was effecting my health as well from lack of sleep and I'm happy to say it was the best decision I made. I hope to get off once the dust has settled after our divorce but it was a godsend. I take lexapro and have not had weight gain. Even so I would have dealt with it rather than hating life and myself. Be kind to,yourself and give it a try but make sure to talk with someone routinely to work through your depression also.

You are a woman of dignity and pride and do not deserve to be abused.

[Itstopsnow]

Thank you all for your personal experiences! It is so touching to see how many good people truly are out there in the world. Willing to give help in these ways. It shows me that humanity it still good. Thank you again! I'm very touched .