Thanks. Good post. You know I'm
Trying to take it for what it is right now. I don't see getting sucked in. She's made it clear she doesn't want a relationship. Because it causes her too much pain to even think about it. That sounds like a good excuse i think. But realistically how can she go do the things we've done in the past month. Seemingly had great times. Play a trivia game with me online. And have this concert planned - and then claim it's too much for her to talk or think about getting back because it hurts so much. That makes no sense.
Anyhow I will probably do the concert and even a nice upscale dinner before hand. Not because i hope she will have change of heart. She won't. I view her now as an alcoholic. Or bi polar. Or someone with illness. She can't help herself. So it is what it is. We will have a good time.
I feel sorry for her. Her lot and place and path in life. Such a waste. Such a waste
Scopi, buddy, you know what I'm going to say before I say it... .but I'll say it again: you need to let go. This girl has made it clear to you that she doesnt want a r/s with you. Whether it's because she doesn't want to or it's to painful for her or because she really is afflicted... .it doesnt matter. What matters in all this is how YOU feel about everything. You haven't really talked about that. So, I want to ask you this: what do YOU want from interaction with her?
I know you've taken her on trips to see her kids, bought gifts for them, taken her to concerts, and so on. You said on your last trip that you two were intimate. Now, you're saying that you're planning to take her to an upscale dinner and another concert. Where does it end? What is your goal from all this? What do you feel by spending time with her, even though she repeatedly has pushed you away by saying she doesnt want a r/s with her?
I'm asking from a nonjudgemental place. I have followed your saga for a long time, just as you have followed mine. I kept J in my orbit because I wanted to. I wanted her back, badly. I knew I couldn't have her back, not the way I wanted, but I couldn't let go. That has since changed. I came to realize that J is the one missing out on me, not me missing out on her. I hope you don't mind my bluntness, but that's how I am so stop reading if you aren't ready for that... .
It's time to put her ghost to rest, Scopi. It's time for you to dig deep into yourself and decide what you really really want. If you want back with her, go for it man. But don't be surprised when you get seriously wounded from it. If that's not what you want, it's time to walk away. No concert. No dinner. No texting her. Grieve the loss of the beautiful woman you had a r/s with. She has passed. It's time to grieve. This girl you're seeing just looks like the girl you remember. She is her doppelgänger. It's painful as hell, I should know. I've been there, twice. I thought I struck gold, when in fact all I had was pyrite. You're in a bubble. It's time you take that first step into a brave new world without the security of that bubble. It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok. Trust in us when we tell you this. Anez is right. Exposure to her, no matter how small, will stunt your recovery. This is about YOU, not her.
Everything I've said, you can toss to the side... .if that's what you want. Seriously. It's your life and only you can live it. If you feel like you're willing to be a doormat, then do what you must. We aren't going to judge you for that, that is why there are other sections of the board. I've been to those sections. I was willing to put the work in an make it work with J. I tired, I failed. It's time for me to move on. Only you can decide when enough is enough.
We are here for you, whatever you decide. All the best.
