(live) Tried to tell her she's BPD just now, worst decision ever.

[maddlove]

[Before the breakup]

She (my pwBPD fiance) made my life a living hell, I hate facebook and everything it stands for and she never respected that, she always posted an ugly picture of me (that I deemed ugly) and we conflicted a lot over it. We broke up because she had a BPD episode about going to a funeral with a really short pink shorts, she blew up on everyone and I thought I had to end it and I did.

Got back together on the condition she deleted her facebook.

[After we got back together]

It's been a bliss without facebook. But I can't control her life. It's unfair to her. So tonight I told her it's okay to have facebook but we have to set some boundaries, I don't want her posting pictures of me in there. She had another BPD episode, asking if it's because of I don't want to be seen with her or to show other girls that I'm with her or other irrational bullcrap.

Then I tried to explain to her what BPD is, even played a video describing exactly the things she does.

"Stop it, please" she said.

"I'm good, I don't even need a therapist anymore" (It's been 2 months that she doesn't go to the therapist)


I made the mistake of expressing my feelings.

"It's just that there are some things that makes me unhappy, such as being unjustly accused of something"

She had a BPD rage and started asking over and over what else about her makes me unhappy.

I removed myself from the room, she followed. I dressed up and went outside, she followed. Asked if I called my mother.

Now she kept following me asking what else makes me unhappy, baiting me by putting words on my mouth (like she does). I defended a little. But said I reserve the right to not go through something like this. So I removed myself from the room a couple more times before she finally let me be.

She's laying in bed right now. I can almost see the turmoil of feelings she's in. I want nothing than to go in there and soothe her, but that would take HOURS, and hours I don't want to spend soothing her own irrationality.

EDIT: It's late here 11:10 PM, I need to wake up 5AM, pretty sure she's still awake, not sure if I'll be able to sleep.

EDIT2: Not even sure if I wanna sleep in my bed. Sometimes I'm irrationally scared she'll do something to do. Even though I have no reason to believe that's the case.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maddlove]

I can't edit my post for some reason!

But here's the update.

11:38 PM, she got up got the laptop came in here and asked me to insert the password so she could use it. I did. I treated her normally. I don't feel guilt anymore, I kind of feel free from the pain I use to feel whenever we entered conflict mode.

[maddlove]

Updating the situation.

At almost midnight I came in the bedroom she was sitting on the bed using the laptop. I asked, "Are you calm now?". "Yes" she replied.

We went to sleep and that was the end of it.

At one point I feel good that I handled the situation better than I would've before. Instead of JADEing I held my ground and decided not to.

[waverider]

You only get a limited time to edit post then facility is removed. Fine to add follow up post as you did.

Her response is typical

PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

Not getting drawn in and sticking to your limits seems to have worked. Do this regularly, it gives you confidence and sets new precedents