Really worried about kids

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

I'm new on here and from the UK. Thanks to this site and the sharing of the various predicaments you good folk have found yourselves in have, in part at least, put a solid reason for the utter pandemonium in my own life that I have lived with for many years.

I was not aware of BPD before i made the decision to leave my partner some 6 weeks ago which was without question, the most painful decision I have ever had to make. Now I know a little more, the condition seems to answer a lot of issues I have experienced over the years and I am now in no doubt that this is what she is suffering from.

The fact I have left an undiagnosed female partner with suspected BPD is one issue, but the fact I have left my children with her is quite another. There is no escape for them yet and this is my current predicament.

My story is a very long one so maybe I will elaborate in a later post but for now, I do fear for my childrens future if I don't intervene in some way. I had tried so many times during the relationship to maintain some level of calm but whilst I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, I recently realised that it was me inadvertently triggering the chaos. I therefore left assuming that it was me causing all the friction and consequently removed myself from the home in the hope things would calm down and the pointless arguments would stop.

The reality now is instead of me getting raged at daily, the children now seem to be on the receiving end of the abuse.

Whilst I have approached all authorites who are responsible for child safety (doctors, schools, social services etc.), their concern only seems to go as far as a standard list of 'Safeguarding' issues. It seems to me that provided the children are being fed, given somewhere to sleep and are not being beaten then everything's OK and I'm 'over-reacting' (actual quote from my meeting with the Doctor yesterday).

The fact that my 11yo son has to wake my ex up everyday in order for her to take my 10yo daughter to school would appear to be irrelevant. The fact that my ex treats the children with utter contempt on a daily basis making them scared to approach her is also not an issue, the almost constant depression and misery in the home is also ok as are the suicide threats and self harm right in front of the children... .Apologies, you get the idea.

What I have learned these past few weeks is that the authorities say the right things about the negative effects of persistant emotional abuse but the words are not backed up with actions or support.

My biggest concern - if the authorities responsible for child safety are responding in this way so far, is a judge going to view the situation any differently?

Can anyone relate, help or advise?

[dontgetit]

Hi,

I'm new on here and from the UK. Thanks to this site and the sharing of the various predicaments you good folk have found yourselves in have, in part at least, put a solid reason for the utter pandemonium in my own life that I have lived with for many years.

I was not aware of BPD before i made the decision to leave my partner some 6 weeks ago which was without question, the most painful decision I have ever had to make. Now I know a little more, the condition seems to answer a lot of issues I have experienced over the years and I am now in no doubt that this is what she is suffering from.

The fact I have left an undiagnosed female partner with suspected BPD is one issue, but the fact I have left my children with her is quite another. There is no escape for them yet and this is my current predicament.

My story is a very long one so maybe I will elaborate in a later post but for now, I do fear for my childrens future if I don't intervene in some way. I had tried so many times during the relationship to maintain some level of calm but whilst I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, I recently realised that it was me inadvertently triggering the chaos. I therefore left assuming that it was me causing all the friction and consequently removed myself from the home in the hope things would calm down and the pointless arguments would stop.

The reality now is instead of me getting raged at daily, the children now seem to be on the receiving end of the abuse.

Whilst I have approached all authorites who are responsible for child safety (doctors, schools, social services etc.), their concern only seems to go as far as a standard list of 'Safeguarding' issues. It seems to me that provided the children are being fed, given somewhere to sleep and are not being beaten then everything's OK and I'm 'over-reacting' (actual quote from my meeting with the Doctor yesterday).

The fact that my 11yo son has to wake my ex up everyday in order for her to take my 10yo daughter to school would appear to be irrelevant. The fact that my ex treats the children with utter contempt on a daily basis making them scared to approach her is also not an issue, the almost constant depression and misery in the home is also ok as are the suicide threats and self harm right in front of the children... .Apologies, you get the idea.

What I have learned these past few weeks is that the authorities say the right things about the negative effects of persistant emotional abuse but the words are not backed up with actions or support.

My biggest concern - if the authorities responsible for child safety are responding in this way so far, is a judge going to view the situation any differently?

Can anyone relate, help or advise?

[sweetheart]

Hi dontgetit, and welcome to bpdfamily,

I live in the UK, my h is dx with BPD and we have a young son7. I'm really sorry about the circumstances you are posting under.

Here is a link to the NSPCC and an organisation called Family Lives that both cover Child and Family Services referral criteria.

You can also get advice from the NSPCC on your concerns for your children and they can also make a referral for you.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-protection-system/england/referrals-investigations/

www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/social-services-and-your-family/social-services-and-your-family/

If your wife is depressed, suicidal and your children are in a caring role, any one of these issues is enough for a referral, altogether should raise an urgent need.

Go back to your GP if necessary he has a legal Duty of Care to your children based on the information you have given him. Ask to see/speak to your Practice Manager at the surgery if you get nowhere with the GP, express your concern as a verbal complaint. They can be very helpful.

Come back and let us know how you get on.

[bravhart1]

What would happen if your 11 year old went to the school counselor and told them he was worried about his home situation. That mom may be a danger to hersself, due to the suicide threats and and possibly him and sister due to her anger issues and that he feared for his safety and his mothers safety. Would they have a legal obligation to call the authorities and get mom checked out?

[sweetheart]

Hello dontgetit,

I checked the statutory guidelines on a GP referring and if your doctor was given all the information as you posted here then he has not acted within national safeguarding guidelines. Here are the guidelines www.patient.info/doctor/safeguarding-children-referral-and-management-of-an-abused-or-at-risk-child

One of the organisations he can also refer through and seek advice from, ironically just as you can, is the NSPCC as in the previous link.