Going NC with their Ex's family members

[Frank88]

Has anyone had to go NC with their BPDex's other family members? I really like her family and they like me, but it feels like I'm breaking NC when there is communication. Should I cut it off? Get off FB with all of them? They seem to support the new relationships, but that may be simply because they don't want her to be alone.

[anothercasualty]

Has anyone had to go NC with their BPDex's other family members? I really like her family and they like me, but it feels like I'm breaking NC when there is communication. Should I cut it off? Get off FB with all of them? They seem to support the new relationships, but that may be simply because they don't want her to be alone.

My ex's family is very involved in my church (leadership) so I see them all the time. They seem to understand that she has issues to work through and don't attribute it to me. They are truly kind people and I think they know I did the best I could do by her. I don't view it as breaking NC, but we truly do not discuss her at all. For my situation, I told her I would not ever talk to her family about what happened between us other than it just didn't work out.

I would hate to have to find a new church.

[Fr4nz]

Similarly to anothercasualty, my ex's family really appreciated me, and are somewhat aware of my ex's issues (even if they don't have any idea about BPD or HPD).

However, since we live in different cities I don't have any chance to see them, so things boil down to very sporadic contacts in Facebook.

I suggest you to not go NC if you were on good terms with them.

[Frank88]

I think at some point there will be no need for contact with any of them. We are unlikely to run into each other. I'll just let some time pass.

[Pimp_Daddy_76]

Shortly after the r/s ended, I cut off all contact with her family.  Truth is I didn't really like mosst of them anyway, so it wasn't very difficult.  I keep her mom on my FB just so she can have access to pictures of my son and I together.  She recently unfriended my family memebers except my mom after I sent her a text saying that there was no reason for her and I to communicate unless it was about our boy.  I ended the text with, "your family is your family and my family is my family."  I think she got the point.  At one time I wanted notheing more than to drop the her family/my family designations and just call everybody our family.  But I see now that will never happen.  So since she moved on so fast, I think it's time I let go and do the same. 

[thisworld]

Frank88 hi,

My ex's mother is my friend (and I like the woman) but when we split up, I went NC with her. I did this because I didn't want to remain in my ex's life as a "factor" that may appear in arguments or even ordinary conversation or something from time to time. I also didn't want to give the impression to my ex that I want to remain in his life in whatever form. For this, I wrote a note to her asking for her understanding. She understood. (Though I wouldn't have done this if we weren't really close in a lot of senses and had not gone through some crises like hospitalizations together, I might have found this too dramatic under other circumstances.) I know she likes me a lot but in the end of the day, of course she will encourage other relationships - she is his family. Anything that makes her son a bit happier even if temporarily will be encouraged by her, with BPD it is usually temporary anyway. I'm now the "Oh, she was such a nice girl and my son ruined it" girl but that doesn't mean his son's life stopped there anyway. I'd not like her to talk to her son this way as this would mean some triangles at work. I want to be away from all that drama. Even the idea feels to much to me.

My mother liked my ex a lot - that is before the disorder manifested strongly. I wouldn't like it if they remained friends actually. I don't want to receive any news from him indirectly or whatever.

[SWLSR]

A big part of my ex's family is every bit as screwed up as she is and many of them don't speak to each other.  So it was easy for me to go no contact with them.  I think for the most part it is best to do that.  Blood really is thicker than water.