What in the HECK is her end game?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Okay I'm not going to lie I'm really frustrated.

I really don't want to go into a long back story. My BPD ex girlfriend cut me out of her life on December 16th actually she cut me out about two weeks before but she told me we had nothing to discuss any further except for a car and a phone. The phone issue has been resolved so I'm not going to get into it. Back last June after dating only two months she cosigned vehicle for me. We both are on the title we both are on the loan. We have not spoken on the phone via text or verbally since December 16th.

This is why I am frustrated right now in a nutshell let me explain. All items have been returned back to each other we have no ties left together except for this vehicle. When the vehicle was purchased my girlfriend set up the online account so that I can make the payment she use my email address as the username and she picked the password and she gave it to me. I've made every single payment on time each month before and after the breakup. The car is a manual transmission which she cannot drive. She has never asked for the car. Due to what I do for a living I Drive an excessive amount of miles. Yes the car was brand new in June and it has over 50,000 mile. There is no value in the vehicle whatsoever with the loan

Bear with me because I really need to vent and figure out what is going on and what I can do and believe me I have looked into every option I can think of and I cannot fix this situation.

Right about a month ago for some unknown reason she went into the online account and changed the username and the password that she set up that we both had access to. So basically it was perfectly fine she could see that I was making the payments and I could go in and make the payments. I went to login to make the February payment and I could not get in. I asked for them to send my password to my email address and they said your email address does not exist. So she logged into the account and changed everything into her name which baffled me because again how can I make the payment if I can't log in.

Fast forward to last Monday about two weeks later and I get an email from her. This is the first and only direct contact she has had with me since the first week of December. In it she took a picture or I should say a screenshot of a ticket I received that I never knew about and she included in the screenshot that there are actually two tickets.

Her request to me was for me to pay the $72 ticket but makes no mention of the $400 ticket and the reason she wants the money is because she says its on her credit report and she wanted to come off.

I pay the ticket and I send it back to her a screenshot within 2 hours. I have not try to get this girl to get back together with me I have not emailed her I've made zero contact with her since she told me basically goodbye and we don't need to talk.

So I email her today and I am very nice in the email. Again I have had no contact so this was not even easy for me to reach out to her but I was trying to tie up our final loose end since we have not spoken.  She says she's worried about her credit but how can I protect your credit if I can't get into the online account. So my email said could you please help to get off of the loan so that I don't put you in any further jeopardy. If she will release the title to me I can assume full responsibility and refinance the loan

In addition to this part of the email I sent her for everything that she had done for me and my kids while we were dating. I also told her I was we still respecting her no contact or that this had nothing to do with her or I but I was trying to resolve the car issue. I told her I would even send her some money both for things that she has spent money on in the past and kind of like me being nice for her to just remove herself from the car since the car is upside down like 5 $6,000 anyway already.

Well she will not even respond. I called Honda they said she's never called them ever to try to get herself off of the loan. It has been 3 months and we don't communicate at all. She seems like she absolutely hates my guts and I don't understand why because she came over the day before she ended everything and told me she was all in I'm working everything out. We were even intimate the very last morning that I ever saw her.

There seems to be nothing that I can do. I can refinance the loan at a higher rate but it won't take her off of the loan I mean it won't take her off of the title so basically that leaves me tied to her and it negates the purpose of me actually refinancing the loan. Most people don't refinance a loan to pay a higher rate so I am doing it strictly to have everything in my name so I can move forward. Last week I sent back all of her remaining belongings and I assumed full liability for a phone that was in her name which she conceded to very quickly.

The only other thing that I could do would be to surrender the car and put it in front of her house and walk away but I don't want to be a total jerk and its not like I don't want the car. However I can't even establish no contact permanently as long as I have this tie with her.

I don't know if this makes sense to everyone what I'm saying but it seems as though something is keeping her from letting me just have the car when she doesn't want it and she doesn't seem to want me at all she won't speak to me.

I told the lady Honda I'm going to tell her either you marry me or you let me have the car because only really married people have a joint vehicle. Obviously I'm joking.

Two questions is there anything that I can do at this point to sever this last tie? Can anyone come up with any reason why she would not want this and reach out to me today and be happy that I'm sending her money and I'm taking her out of full legal responsibility for a car she's never ever driven and really wants no part of?

Is this just pure hatred for me or am I missing something?

My email was about as nice as it could possibly be it was not filled with any emotions I even said I hope you're doing okay and to take care of yourself at the end that was it that was the full extent of anything that I said beyond basically suggesting that we tie up loose ends.

I'm sorry this posting was so long I don't know why it's bothering me so much but I guess I feel like I'm being controlled and this makes no sense

[jessedsickabouther]

Okay I'm not going to lie I'm really frustrated.

I really don't want to go into a long back story. My BPD ex girlfriend cut me out of her life on December 16th actually she cut me out about two weeks before but she told me we had nothing to discuss any further except for a car and a phone. The phone issue has been resolved so I'm not going to get into it. Back last June after dating only two months she cosigned vehicle for me. We both are on the title we both are on the loan. We have not spoken on the phone via text or verbally since December 16th.

This is why I am frustrated right now in a nutshell let me explain. All items have been returned back to each other we have no ties left together except for this vehicle. When the vehicle was purchased my girlfriend set up the online account so that I can make the payment she use my email address as the username and she picked the password and she gave it to me. I've made every single payment on time each month before and after the breakup. The car is a manual transmission which she cannot drive. She has never asked for the car. Due to what I do for a living I Drive an excessive amount of miles. Yes the car was brand new in June and it has over 50,000 mile. There is no value in the vehicle whatsoever with the loan

Bear with me because I really need to vent and figure out what is going on and what I can do and believe me I have looked into every option I can think of and I cannot fix this situation.

Right about a month ago for some unknown reason she went into the online account and changed the username and the password that she set up that we both had access to. So basically it was perfectly fine she could see that I was making the payments and I could go in and make the payments. I went to login to make the February payment and I could not get in. I asked for them to send my password to my email address and they said your email address does not exist. So she logged into the account and changed everything into her name which baffled me because again how can I make the payment if I can't log in.

Fast forward to last Monday about two weeks later and I get an email from her. This is the first and only direct contact she has had with me since the first week of December. In it she took a picture or I should say a screenshot of a ticket I received that I never knew about and she included in the screenshot that there are actually two tickets.

Her request to me was for me to pay the $72 ticket but makes no mention of the $400 ticket and the reason she wants the money is because she says its on her credit report and she wanted to come off.

I pay the ticket and I send it back to her a screenshot within 2 hours. I have not try to get this girl to get back together with me I have not emailed her I've made zero contact with her since she told me basically goodbye and we don't need to talk.

So I email her today and I am very nice in the email. Again I have had no contact so this was not even easy for me to reach out to her but I was trying to tie up our final loose end since we have not spoken.  She says she's worried about her credit but how can I protect your credit if I can't get into the online account. So my email said could you please help to get off of the loan so that I don't put you in any further jeopardy. If she will release the title to me I can assume full responsibility and refinance the loan

In addition to this part of the email I sent her for everything that she had done for me and my kids while we were dating. I also told her I was we still respecting her no contact or that this had nothing to do with her or I but I was trying to resolve the car issue. I told her I would even send her some money both for things that she has spent money on in the past and kind of like me being nice for her to just remove herself from the car since the car is upside down like 5 $6,000 anyway already.

Well she will not even respond. I called Honda they said she's never called them ever to try to get herself off of the loan. It has been 3 months and we don't communicate at all. She seems like she absolutely hates my guts and I don't understand why because she came over the day before she ended everything and told me she was all in I'm working everything out. We were even intimate the very last morning that I ever saw her.

There seems to be nothing that I can do. I can refinance the loan at a higher rate but it won't take her off of the loan I mean it won't take her off of the title so basically that leaves me tied to her and it negates the purpose of me actually refinancing the loan. Most people don't refinance a loan to pay a higher rate so I am doing it strictly to have everything in my name so I can move forward. Last week I sent back all of her remaining belongings and I assumed full liability for a phone that was in her name which she conceded to very quickly.

The only other thing that I could do would be to surrender the car and put it in front of her house and walk away but I don't want to be a total jerk and its not like I don't want the car. However I can't even establish no contact permanently as long as I have this tie with her.

I don't know if this makes sense to everyone what I'm saying but it seems as though something is keeping her from letting me just have the car when she doesn't want it and she doesn't seem to want me at all she won't speak to me.

I told the lady Honda I'm going to tell her either you marry me or you let me have the car because only really married people have a joint vehicle. Obviously I'm joking.

Two questions is there anything that I can do at this point to sever this last tie? Can anyone come up with any reason why she would not want this and reach out to me today and be happy that I'm sending her money and I'm taking her out of full legal responsibility for a car she's never ever driven and really wants no part of?

Is this just pure hatred for me or am I missing something?

My email was about as nice as it could possibly be it was not filled with any emotions I even said I hope you're doing okay and to take care of yourself at the end that was it that was the full extent of anything that I said beyond basically suggesting that we tie up loose ends.

I'm sorry this posting was so long I don't know why it's bothering me so much but I guess I feel like I'm being controlled and this makes no sense

[jessedsickabouther]

I should add hear that for some reason the tickets are going to her house and not my house so I don't even know about the tickets. When I sent her the money or pay the ticket immediately there was no reply and anyone that I know has said it's not about the money. Trust me this girl spent money on me all the time I was pretty much the girl in the relationship as she never would let me pay for anything the last thing she ever cared about was $72.

I basically feel like I'm caught in a cycle that I cannot get out of if this makes sense

[jessedsickabouther]

I'm sorry guys but I have been using voice texting and I did not proofread. In the middle of my initial post what I was trying to say was in addition to the vehicle part of the email I thanked her for everything that she had done financially for me and my kids and told her how much I appreciated everything that she did.

In the email I specifically laid out how we could go about getting her off the loan by her contacting Honda and I even gave her the phone number and their hours that they're open today and I thought for sure that she would be glad that I was taking care of this. I have yet to find any person that would want somebody else driving around getting tickets under your name and risking your credit 3 months after you stopped dating when you don't have any relationship at all.

I just can't believe that I can not in any way open up a line of communication with her

[Lonely_Astro]

So you have the car?  You're making the payments on said car, right?  Have you asked if she's willing to surrender the title so you can refinance the loan in your name?  If she doesnt reply to that, I would contact an attorney to ask about it.  Each state's laws are different.

[jessedsickabouther]

Yes I have the title I'm sorry I mean I have the car and she truly does not care about it at all. I started thinking that maybe with taking the phone back sending her her items back and now this a week later that she scared of having no connection to me because that's the only thing that could make sense however she won't talk to me so what's the point of having the connection anyway

Astro I get what you're saying but it's going to be expensive to get an attorney and I'm not ready to do that yet and I don't want to start any sort of trouble. Unlike other stories we read here my BPD ex was the very quiet type and she never got angry or crazy or anything and I'm going to take it a step further and even say she was probably the best girlfriend I've ever had so I'm not looking to piss her off in any way. Believe me I want an offer to send her money if she wasn't a good person at this point because she did cheat on me. I'm just trying to fairly resolve the issue. I had considered the attorney option but I really don't want to I think the email was specific enough that she could reach out and understand to surrender the title or just help me to refinance the loan. Maybe she is busy today I have no idea but she lives by her phone I know she got the email she does not have me blocked. So if I send her an email asking her to surrender the title she's probably going to do the same thing and not reply so let's assume that she's not going to reply to anything for sake of argument here.

Should I give it an amount of time.  Do I tell her basically either you respond to the email or I'm going to do such and such. I really don't want to go that route.

I'm trying to just figure out where her mind is at and if I'm putting too much pressure on her or something but I can't imagine that I am but again her actions are making no sense to me.

If you're going to email me for money to save your credit rating then why won't you let me take you off the vehicle voluntarily so that you don't have to get anymore tickets in your name the tickets are coming in her name.

I would like to do something other than go through an attorney I had thought about contacting her parents or friend but I think that's going to cause trouble too so is there anything else that I can do

[Penelope35]

Hi J.

I agree with Lonely Astro. Maybe you should contact an attorney and azk for advise.  Maybe a letter from an attorney will get her to respond.

Another thing I was thinking of telling you when I read your first post is that if I was in your position I would ask her what she is planning to do with that other 400 bill... .she never asked you to pay for it and it is her fault that the bill has now reached 400 but are you sure she is not expecting you to pay for it? She made sure it was included in the screen shot after all... .As I understand the bill is on your name right?

[jessedsickabouther]

Penelope that's the most intriguing and I guess messed up part what you point it out. She went through the trouble of posting Both  tickets in the email but specifically asked me only to pay the $72. I mean she went out of her way to itemize it and not ask for the $400. Like you would probably send an email saying to me can you please pay for these tickets they are not my ticket. She didn't want the $400. I have no idea why she won't even forward the tickets to me. And then she wants to turn around and ask for money for them. I mean I could be a real jerk here honestly and say you know what from the moment you blocked me out of the online account I'm not going to make the payments anymore. But I would never do that to her I would never do anything to hurt her in any way. Including lying cheating laying a finger on her stealing messing up her credit anything at all I have done nothing but be loving and caring and I don't understand the behavior really at all.

I even explain to her in the email today that if I can get the car entirely in my name I will contact the city and let them know that the vehicle is completely in my name and that the $400 ticket is my responsibility and I will take care of it to let her off the hook and still no response

[Penelope35]

Ok we posted at the same time and I just saw that you said the tickets are on her name

[Penelope35]

You know that most people with BPD have a great difficulty to let go of their attachments to others, so maybe her reaction is a way to maintain the  connection to you... .even though she may or may not want you in her life right now, she may still want to keep the connection.

Maybe give her some time and if she doesn't respond tell her that you need to sort this issue out and wish that you can do it without involving attorneys etc. If she doesn't reply again then I am afraid you will have to turn to an attorney

[jessedsickabouther]

I think that makes sense Penelope and I appreciate it. I can't even tell you just how nice the email was and I never put any pressure on her to try to talk about anything about us or try to resolve anything and she's the one who keeps making in direct contact. It took a lot for me to do that email today because I don't think full no contact was getting me anywhere. I have finally made peace this week that I'm not going to have her as my girlfriend in the future and even that has been very hard because obviously I was very much in love with her. Maybe I just still cannot accept that even if I try to have a peaceful resolution at the end there is nothing that I can do to get through to her. I'm struggling with the thought that she just hates me. I thought for sure that this would come across as a very positive thing and if she's moved on and has a boyfriend but I'm assuming she does but I don't know that she would just be so relieved that this isn't her problem anymore. It keeps her from having any issues in the future but maybe she just really doesn't care about the money

And if I wanted to let my mind wander I would tell myself that she still love me because she can't let go. & I don't want to think that way because this is not love.

I just don't know how to deal with this behavior and I can't even get to a point where there are absolutely no reason for us to have contact. I would be more than happy to sit down with her or listen to whatever she had to say but I don't know what more I can do

I guess I'll give it like a month and if I don't get a response I will tell her that we have to do something in that I will

File some papers or something to get full ownership of the vehicle. The funny thing is she let go of the phone in like five minutes last week so I was thinking okay good she doesn't want the phone responsibility anymore so now she will let go of the of the car this week but maybe that is too much too soon.

This stuff is heartbreaking really because you can't resolve any issues