Residential Treatment/Therapeutic Boarding school -- 17 yr old

[jbmom]

Hi Everyone,

Its been a long time since I have posted. We have had our ups/downs but really now in a down.  DD is inpatient now after running off during family therapy session. Initial argument that trigger it was iPhone use (yes really important stuff).  She got caught not following agreed upon rules and went into crisis, rather than use her skills.

After 2 days in a lockdown unit at our ER, where she refused to go home, we got her inpatient at a decent short term facility. She is still refusing to come home in a way, finding ways to push it off -- such as "cutting" herself, or rather scratching her self with a pencil while inpatient. She is now extended until Thursday at this point.

We are really OK with us. Guess we needed the break more than we thought. It has been calm and peaceful in our house for our 10 yr old. 

After today's family session, it is uncertain whether she will be able to keep it together at home enough to participate in an IOP or partial hospitalization. My task tonight was to consult a educational counselor -- but for $6000 I am a little weary of this.

Anyone know of any good treament facilities for psych (not substance abuse) or good therapeutic boarding schools on the EAST Coast?

Thanks in advance

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Tamara96]

Dear jbmom, 

It is so difficult to ride these wild roller coasters.  As BPD children reach adulthood, our parental influence further wanes. I commend you for looking for options. It's not an easy decision to make.

There are so many great options in the East coast.

Like you, I had a hard time going the educational route and instead spent over 6 month researching and talking to so many facilities. It's exhausting and hard to know where will be best suited. Here is what I found.

McLean in Boston is top in this field but private and very expensive.

Silver Hills in New Canaan, CT also has a great reputation.

However our psychiatrist, and event some educational consultants we chatted with briefly, all recommended starting with a wilderness program. You might want to explore this option.

We sent our DD to wildnerness - It was such a shock to her (a very gentle interventionist helped us)  and the first few weeks were really tough - and yes, in wilderness there were young people with all kinds of issues - but that was kind of good - it made our DD realize there is more to this world than herself and her experiences. In wilderness - the focus is not on sobriety , but on regulating your moods, being responsible and accountable for yourself, and learning new ways of being.

Food for thought - 6 months after wilderness, DD says this experience saved her life.

Wilderness programs are NOT boot camps - they are full on therapeutic centers, and some teach DBT skills. It's about finding the right one. After wilderness comes transitional living program.

I do hope things settle down and you find something that you feel comfortable with.

Best of luck, keep us posted.

[lbjnltx]

Hi jbmom,

Good to see you here, though sorry you are back because your d has deteriorated. 

I know many of the girls that were at my d's RTC did wilderness first.  I believe it is a first good step.  My d's psychiatrist warned me not to "mortgage the farm for a 90 day program" since most likely we would be paying out of pocket for all of my d's residential care.

Due to finances we did not choose wilderness, we went straight into RTC and don't regret that decision at all.  It really helped my d see how she had thinking errors and a belief system that was askew.  At RTC she learned all the skills she needs to deal with her intense emotions and make wisemind decisions.

The RTC she was at is in Utah, not on the East Coast.   It is a natural response to search close to home (I did too) and in the end the most important thing is choosing a place that will help our girls. 

I did not use an EC... .too much politics involved and they don't know our kids.  I was confident that I could make an informed and well rounded choice for my daughter and like Tamara, I spent months doing my homework and whittling down the facilities to just 2.  I visited both before I made my decision.

lbjnltx

[Karategirl]

Hi!

Sorry for all youv'e been through.  I would recommend looking at Wellspring in Connecticut.  They offer residential treatment and have a boarding school.  I don't have first hand experience, but have heard wonderful things about them.  They have a website and facebook page for more info.  Good luck

[Bright Day Mom]

I'm not sure what state you live in on the East coast, but we live in NJ and recently (last month) enrolled our daughter (16) into an RTC.  Her room / board is covered by the state and she is able to continue attending her alternative high school! I understand each state is different, but we needed to have a CMO from our county (no charge) who spearheaded the whole RTC search with a state-wide data base.  These placements are not advertised on the internet or listed in the phone book, do not cost families out of pocket.  I have to tell you in the short time my daughter has been, we are all improving!  We have family sessions, they do groups for the girls and hold them accountable.  Depending on your child's needs, will determine the staffing. Ours is 3:1 ratio and the house has 5 girls... .lots of support and guidance.   

[jbmom]

Bright day- we are also in NJ. Did you the COM through performcare?

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi JB Mom - Yes, our CMO was thru Perform Care.

[jbmom]

Thanks everyone.   DD is now home after 19 days inpatient. She is at a partial care- High Focus. I am still sorting out my feelings on what they are doing there. Its been 2 days, and i am not yet impressed. Actually was a very frustrating experience, and I really have started to feel bad for the kids we have met through this 'life-we-live' who have no one to advocate for them.  Found out our insurance will cover Carrier (UGH!) and Wellspring for residential.  Time will show us what our next steps will be.

Right now she is behaving sweetly at home. Been home 3 nights now, and it has been life like it was in the good times.  I would like to take a breath and enjoy it but my 10 yr old has been acting out horribly since his sister came home. Husband has fallen back to avoidance mode.  Its all back on these shoulders again... .No rest for the weary.

Thanks for all the input. We haven't reached out to PerformCare yet. Trying to figure that component out.

[lbjnltx]

All good news... .except the heavy shouldering of other's emotionally driven behaviors.

How long until she goes into Wellspring?  How much family involvement will there be while she is there?

lbj

[Karategirl]

Sounds like you've made progress!  We have experience with both High Focus and Carrier, neither positive as the clinicians were too inexperienced to A) provide what my daughter needed B) manage or control the interactions of the kids who were all texting and FBing outside of treatment.  HF also say they provide DBT but they really are not well versed at all in it.  My daughter swears HF helped her but we found it just made things worse because she was picking up other "behaviors".  Silver Hill hospital is another good option, they have a 28 day intensive DBT program, but don't think insurance covers.  Good luck!

[Bright Day Mom]

JB Mom -  Sounds like all good things.  My d went thru HF 3 TIMES!  Needless to say, our experience wasn't good.  But that doesn't mean your d's location will be the same.

Even though residential placement was last on our list of considerations, after all else failed it was the only one remaining.  Our D has been in residence since 2/2 and is progressing really well.  We had her home for 6 hrs over the weekend and it was like a different kid, laughing, joking and partaking in dinner time conversation!

Keep up the good work and moving forward... .good stuff!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jbmom]

Well this was really shortlived. she was home less than a week and is back at four winds. We just registered with performcare and are hoping for an expedited review since she is in patient. She was only in high focus for 3 days- not sure about the quality of  therapy, bit administravely some ridiculous stuff.

Once again we feel she is safe as an in patient. This time around we hope we get on the right path to residential. She is on the same unit at 4winds so know there will be good continuity in care. Discussions clearly focused on what does home look like to her.  Not aure that is a reality and obtainable. But walking through the steps as they continue to sort her out.

Question for you all- 4winds is about 90 minute drive. I really do not fell like visiting her this weekend- at all. But trying to make sure she doesnt turn that on us as rejection. How to balance this?

[jbmom]

Sounds like you've made progress!  We have experience with both High Focus and Carrier, neither positive as t... .nt.  HF also say they provide DBT but they really are not well versed at all in it. 

Exactly our experience. Actually i found Carrier to be quite scary. My daughter had 3 days of HF, and her first day reported that one of the group leaders was poo-pooing some of the DBT lessons. The kids ask why she wast teaching it then, and her response was she wast told to.  SO really great, I have a kid who knows DBT back and forth, but refuses to put it to use when needed, and here is a therapist in partial care showing she could really care less about it. 

[Bright Day Mom]

Sorry to hear your d's home stay was short lived. We've walked the same path; good to hear Perform Care has been contacted. Stay in contact with 4winds social worker and Perform Care to see if you can assist in moving the process along (squeaky wheel).

As far as the drive for this weekend?  You are right you don't want her to receive a negative message and turn it around on you. Maybe you could make the trip and talk further about future visits that time. Many time BPDs fear rejection / abandonment. You certainly don't want her to feel that. We drove 1hr each way for 2 months when our girl was waiting for placement - every day. It wasn't convenient and the time she claimed she didn't want to see us. However, it made a lasting impression. She came to realize we were in it as a family and determined to see it thru and that we truly loved her.

If you need anything let us know, the placement process can be time consuming and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Good luck, keep your chin up and keep moving forward

[8daysAweek]

Hi, jbmom.

It must be so hard to deal with "professionals" that don't seem to be doing everything they can to help your d17. I know it really frustrates me when I feel like my doctors and specialists aren't doing they're best to help me.

When I was in RTC, it was positive peer culture and I had a great therapist that specialized in DBT. It was the best gift my parents gave me and it truly saved my life. I feel that because my peers there were such a positive influence on me, that I began working on myself and making progress quickly. I graduated the program after 10 months of being there and have been doing better and better ever since I left.

Have you researched any PPC treatment centers?

Are there any on the east coast?

Are you familiar with Positive Peer Culture?


-8days