It feels like the storm will not pass

[coworkerfriend]

I am really struggling to stay strong - to ignore the outbursts and tantrums.  Work is extremely busy and I can barely get him to do anything. I am doing the work of three people right now - we are short handed and we can't seem to get caught up.  He has ended our relationship and the business every day since February. 

I have lived through much worse with him - verbal abuse, rage, anger - every March is bad.  I don't know why but for as long as I have known him - March is horrible.  He doesn't verbally abuse me anymore - now he uses emotional manipulation and blackmail.  I try so hard to ignore it - I am constantly trying to not listen to his words - to not let them in.  It wears me down and his words feel real to me.  I used to be so afraid of him leaving me - leaving the business.  I am not afraid of that anymore - I am just so tired of it being thrown in my face every day.

I have always felt committed to staying.  Lately, I keep asking myself why - why am I so committed and he throws away our relationship every single day. 

When things are good - he is loving, supportive and appreciative.  He knows he is ill - he says he is committed to therapy and working on himself.  Is that why I stay - I keep asking myself why I continue to do this.  Am I afraid of abandoning him since sometimes he does try?  His self awareness has been strong at times and I guess I keep waiting for that to come back.  But even when it does come back - it always goes away. 

It feels like we settle into a nice, normal seeming routine - working and hanging out - talking and being best friends.  Then it is like it feels too normal for him and he has to create chaos.  He slips into old bad habits and I sit here and hope and wait for it for him to come back.  I need to figure out why I am doing this. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waitingwife]

I'm so sorry to hear what you arr going through. We Nons here have been through similar storms and it's okay to feel frustrated like you are. Are you happy in your r/s? My biggest motivation to make things work is my D5 and so understanding myself first was the first step. Accepting that he'll change might be nit a practical goal... .The hardest part for me was accepting that he is sick & he is NOT going to change. Then I could move onto the next phase & ask myself if I give this my best shot, will I be happier? Read the lessons here... .Some I had to read twice to make sense off & start practicing! Hang in therr and recheck your expectations from him