The psychiatrist is making things WORSE

[sad4mydad]

My uBPD mom has started to see a psychiatrist - finally. I was really hopeful that she would finally get the help that she so desperately needs - especially because her mental health has been severely disintegrating over the past 6-8 months. And yet - she actually seems to be getting worse. My mom is extremely high functioning and the rest of the world thinks that she is completely normal. No one has any idea about her mental well-being, or lack thereof.

Now, she seems to have snowed her psychiatrist. And she's getting worse. I'm totally hopeless, and at a loss of what to do. Any suggestions? I'm open to any and all help!

[adaw]

One thing i learned is that BP's have a cunning ability to lie and manipulate even the best trained professionals.  i have no advice for you except if you can sneak behind her back and see the psychiatrist yourself. My BP refuses because she knows I will blow her "cover". i wish i had some glimmer of hope to give you.

[hope2727]

Sorry you are enduring that. Yes I watched it happen that way with my dad when I was a kid and later with my ex as an adult. It was painful to watch. I love(d) him and wanted to be a part of his journey. He really wanted to be well but he just couldn't manage to be honest. SO he is off spiralling out of control again. Poor fellow.

I have a few tiny suggestions.

1) Keep a journal and document everything you can. Like EVERYTHING! Keep receipts, letters, texts emails, everything. This will prevent you from going nuts wth the gas lighting and can be useful in counselling if it every comes to that. Keep these records secret.

2) Get your own therapist. Those familiar with the condition can be helpful to the family members.

3) Practice self care. If you are toast you can 't help anyone else. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

4) Take a boundaries course. It will help I swear.

Ok no go forth and keep your chin up. I am super sorry you are enduring all this. Hugs

 

[Panda39]

You might also want to give things some time.  People with BPD/BPD behaviors aren't always obvious in the beginning it is the people closest to them that see most of the behaviors.  The Psychiatrist might be working on building trust since it sounds like things are early days yet.

I would not suggest going behind your mom's back and talking with her doctor that creates triangulation which is not a good way to go.

You can't change your mom or for that matter how her doctor is treating her.  You can only change you and how you interact with your mom.

hope2727 Gave some great suggestions and I agree stop worrying about what your mom is doing (or not) in her therapy sessions and look after you. 

Panda39

[Starting_Over]

You cannot go to her therapist behind her back. Legally her therapist cannot discuss anything she has talked about with your mother, and you would undermine any boundaries you have set up with your mom.

When I started going no contact with my father he kept on pushing to go to therapy, and I said no because I expected him to do the same with the therapist. I think it is easy for borderline  to at least initially fool therapists because it is fun and exciting, but when the therapist starts challenging them they will either lash out or shut down.

I think that getting a therapist for yourself is a great idea! It would give you a place to appropriately vent ( without fearing that your mom will find out), and the therapist can offer guidance on setting up boundaries.