Well guys all that bottled-up resentment finally came out tonight oops

[C.Stein]

Jessed,

I understand the anger, the hurt, the injustice of it all as I have felt it and still do.  From your posts it seems the thing you are having the biggest issue with right now is the recycle.  :)o you think it is possible that much of your anger is because you allowed yourself to be recycled?  

For myself I am angry at my ex and myself and I honestly don't know who I am more angry with.

I wrote two epic "closure" emails which took nearly 50 hours to compose and several other shorter emails.  I have about 5 others I have never sent.  :)id the ones I sent give me closure or speed up my healing process?  No they did not ... .I wish it were that easy.

[jessedsickabouther]

Well hopefully she won't retaliate and my anger is probably at the silent treatment not the recycle

[gotbushels]

You know how I feel right now.

Look. Neutral. I don't know how you feel. I don't just ask a question for the sake of asking it. A simple answer is fine.

What I feel is utter frustration.

Thank you. Honestly. It comes through in your messages, this 'utter frustration'.

I want to draw your attention to something in your messages. I asked you how you are feeling right now. You are chaining up your sentences. It gives away what you're thinking. There's nothing wrong with it, but it gives some clue as to what is going on.

Look at this. Your conjunctions are in black:

I took it from approaching it backwards. Simply put she has been escalating ridiculous contact for 3 months. But not specifically saying that she wanted to talk or that she wanted to do anything okay. Now with all that I know about this disorder the silence would have probably got the better of her combined with somebody getting sick of her or being lonely and remembering how much I love her. At some point that would have intersected into a meeting or a phone call. And I would have been pining away for her and I would have ended up spending a night making love to her and then getting myself really hurt within a couple weeks when she realized again that she couldn't do it anymore. And then could I sent that email because that's what I would have felt like doing I would have been very very very very angry when I'm only just very angry right now.

The key point of each statement is in pink:

I took it from approaching it backwards. Simply put she has been escalating ridiculous contact for 3 months. But not specifically saying that she wanted to talk or that she wanted to do anything okay. Now with all that I know about this disorder the silence would have probably got the better of her combined with somebody getting sick of her or being lonely and remembering how much I love her. At some point that would have intersected into a meeting or a Fuchsia]phone call[/color]. And I would have been pining away for her and I would have ended up spending a night making love to her and then getting myself really hurt within a couple weeks when she realized again that she couldn't do it anymore. And then could I sent that email because that's what I would have felt like doing I would have been very very very very angry when I'm only just very angry right now.

I am going to ask you a very simple and unloaded question. Do you feel in control of yourself right now? I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.

[jessedsickabouther]

I don't know what you mean by in control. I said what I said and I don't intend to ever bother her in any way ever again. So if you mean do I feel in control of the situation absolutely not but I I'm in control of my behaviour.

I did what I felt was best each step of the way. When no contact was required I did that. I don't know if yesterday was a good idea or not because it just happened yesterday. If I had any hope of getting through to her at all then I'm sure it was as productive as talking to a tree.


If she actually read the email then if she doesn't do something in anger then there's really only two things she can do she can ignore me or at some point deal with what happened.



In my eyes this has just reached its conclusion.

From everything I know those emails should be enough that she will never want to speak to me again. And I will never reach out to her again so I think it's done once and for all and really it's time for that to be the case.


I cannot undo what happened so it's time to move on thank you everybody for your thoughts

[Penelope35]

You did what you wanted to do to get things out. It doesn't matter if she gets it or not. You told your truth. Please don't start having second thoughts and regrets and I hope you are not having any expectations either. You are hurt, you wanted to let it all out and you did it. Now set her free.

[gotbushels]

jessedsickabouther that bottle emptied out abruptly.

By asking, do you feel in control of yourself right now?, I meant in thoughts, emotions, and behaviour.

You mentioned you're in control of your behaviour.

What about your thoughts and emotions?

[jessedsickabouther]

We have spent two hours going back and forth over email this morning period mainly about the car. I pretty much through my Line in the Sand about doing anything she wanted and that I don't operate that way. You can acknowledge certain things and take responsibility.

I called her out on a couple more lies and her behavior and how she handled things and she's reading it and she's responding obviously not the way I would want her to respond but enough that she's not mad and in a vindictive place and shes answered a question or two.

She emailed me about wanting the car and I'd already made up my mind last night that I'm just keeping the stupid car and I'm done with it so my response was do not contact me anymore no I'm not doing what you want. And then I turn right around and start participating it again


I'm slowly slowly through these interactions by text an email being able to tell her specifically what was wrong and how it was not handled properly and she's not attacking me back. And so once you can get it all out at some point you just have to walk away.

So I'm starting to become less and less upset because I know she's reading it and hearing it and that's all I ever wanted really I mean yes I had hoped at one point that it could be worked out but I don't even see how that's ever possible at this point


But I have stood my ground I have told her that I've never changed that I didn't appreciate her comment calling me ridiculous or asking why I'm being a jerk or saying that I showed my true colors and I said believe me I wouldn't have been doing all the things that I have been if my true colors were anything less than noble


I told her that this was unnecessary that I should be feeling this way after 3 months and that things could have been resolved without any animosity. And that I had taken the high road over and over

So I don't know how much is penetrating and how much of this is actually just going way over her head but with everything I can get out that I've had pent-up it's like releasing a valve of pressure


So I guess I'm feeling better much calmer today

[jessedsickabouther]

One thing I will add is that she's at work usually from 8 to 4.

Today is now the fourth day in the last days that we have spent at least two hours of the day going back and forth like we are both thriving  on some level of drama


These exchanges do not take place in the evening so you do the math. Can somebody say triangle?

Additionally this is not typical behavior for us. And I'm actually starting to think that she  likes this

I think she's been craving it for a very long time and it doesn't have to be good interaction because she's not capable or wanting I guess too really deal with what happened. But she's more than willing to participate as have I been in way more than has been necessary

I think it's relieving some pressure for her in a weird way and I'm starting to think it's doing the same thing for me. I don't know what we're going to email about all day though if we don't have the car to fight about.

I'm almost just laughing right now I'm the idiot that sits there and says the long emails and she just sits there reading them but she doesn't get mad and she doesn't do anything out of spite of her not anything significant at all and she's even acknowledged reading something like says  I'm listening

Butt she doesn't know what to say I mean this is what it was like from the beginning. I would ask her feelings and she didn't seem to know them and I've wanted to deal with an issue and she'd say I need time to think about it for everything and eventually I was just like leave her alone and it just wouldn't get dealt with

I'm starting to wonder if I ever got painted black or not.

At this point I'm now seeing why in the long run I'm better off to just shut up because if I don't then I will just cycle through this madness potentially for a very long time.

I need to learn to accept that I don't have to have the last word and I don't have to be right and I don't have to convince somebody of something.

[once removed]

At this point I'm now seeing why in the long run I'm better off to just shut up because if I don't then I will just cycle through this madness potentially for a very long time.

I need to learn to accept that I don't have to have the last word and I don't have to be right and I don't have to convince somebody of something.

i think that attitude will go a very long way jessed. glad to hear youre feeling more calm this morning. remember, you can always write and share letters with us here. the approach with sending these emails may be watering down your point.

forgive me: youre in contact for the purposes of exchanging belongings, yes?

[Should I stay or...]

I need to learn to accept that I don't have to have the last word and I don't have to be right and I don't have to convince somebody of something.

Well said.