Mother and possibly SO have BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

It's my first time ever posting in a forum, so I'm not quite sure how this works.

I realized a little less than a year ago that my mother had BPD and possibly Narcissism (though I'm not totally sure about that one anymore, but it is still a possibility). Ever since, I have been learning about the disorder, making sense of my crazy dysfunctional childhood and adolescence, and trying to become more emotionally healthy and get over all of my issues caused by my mother's BPD. It has been hard, crazy, emotionally draining, but at the same time has brought me a strange level of peace due to the fact that now I understand what the hell is going on and have a good place to start my healing process.

My fiancé and I have been together for several years and we have a young child together, and things used to be great, but a little more than a year ago he started changing a lot with me. Now he gets angry at everything that I do, I feel that everything that I do is wrong to him, he takes his stress and frustrations out on me, even if I haven't done anything wrong, and he calls me names and disrespects me more and more often these days. He only helps with the baby when he feels like it ( I don't even have to ask during these times), and when he doesn't feel like it I get met with anger and him being annoyed if I ask for help with our child. It used to not be like this. He says it's because he's very stressed. Other times he pretty much says that I'm stupid and what I do makes no sense, which is why he acts to mean towards me and acts like that justifies his actions. I'm alone with my baby more times than not because he's not home with us often, but rather goes around doing his own thing whether that is "taking care of things" that he needs to take care of or hanging out with his friends. I feel alone. I feel like I can't talk to him because his responses are always either blaming me and getting upset or him automatically saying that he's a horrible partner and that I should leave him/that I deserve better than him/that he doesn't deserve me. But he never tries to work it out with me, which is frustrating. Sometimes he even randomly says that he's no good for me and that I should leave him. He goes from being stressed, mean, and critical to at other times being very loving, apologizing to me, telling me all the time how much he loves me and how special I am, saying how much he loves his family, and begging me not to leave him and telling me that if I leave him he would go crazy or that his life would be over.

I don't understand any of this. Now I'm actually considering leaving and I don't know what to do. He seems so different from the way he was before. Before we rarely ever fought and when we had a problem we were pretty good and fixing it, and we were very respectful towards each other. And this lasted for a very long time. Now it's the exact opposite. It scares me because I don't want to end up like my father having to deal with my crazy evil mother and being miserable my whole life because of it, and I don't want my child to end up emotionally f'ed up because if his parent like I was and still am. I hate to go around misdiagnosing everyone around me but now I'm starting to suspect that my fiancé is BPD. Either that or he is extremely stressed and is horrible about knowing how to handle it. But I'm leaning a bit more towards BPD, and I hate the thought. I hope all of this gets better because I would hate becoming a single mother and having my child have a BPD for a parent like I do  :'(

[NaniP]

It's my first time ever posting in a forum, so I'm not quite sure how this works.

I realized a little less than a year ago that my mother had BPD and possibly Narcissism (though I'm not totally sure about that one anymore, but it is still a possibility). Ever since, I have been learning about the disorder, making sense of my crazy dysfunctional childhood and adolescence, and trying to become more emotionally healthy and get over all of my issues caused by my mother's BPD. It has been hard, crazy, emotionally draining, but at the same time has brought me a strange level of peace due to the fact that now I understand what the hell is going on and have a good place to start my healing process.

My fiancé and I have been together for several years and we have a young child together, and things used to be great, but a little more than a year ago he started changing a lot with me. Now he gets angry at everything that I do, I feel that everything that I do is wrong to him, he takes his stress and frustrations out on me, even if I haven't done anything wrong, and he calls me names and disrespects me more and more often these days. He only helps with the baby when he feels like it ( I don't even have to ask during these times), and when he doesn't feel like it I get met with anger and him being annoyed if I ask for help with our child. It used to not be like this. He says it's because he's very stressed. Other times he pretty much says that I'm stupid and what I do makes no sense, which is why he acts to mean towards me and acts like that justifies his actions. I'm alone with my baby more times than not because he's not home with us often, but rather goes around doing his own thing whether that is "taking care of things" that he needs to take care of or hanging out with his friends. I feel alone. I feel like I can't talk to him because his responses are always either blaming me and getting upset or him automatically saying that he's a horrible partner and that I should leave him/that I deserve better than him/that he doesn't deserve me. But he never tries to work it out with me, which is frustrating. Sometimes he even randomly says that he's no good for me and that I should leave him. He goes from being stressed, mean, and critical to at other times being very loving, apologizing to me, telling me all the time how much he loves me and how special I am, saying how much he loves his family, and begging me not to leave him and telling me that if I leave him he would go crazy or that his life would be over.

I don't understand any of this. Now I'm actually considering leaving and I don't know what to do. He seems so different from the way he was before. Before we rarely ever fought and when we had a problem we were pretty good and fixing it, and we were very respectful towards each other. And this lasted for a very long time. Now it's the exact opposite. It scares me because I don't want to end up like my father having to deal with my crazy evil mother and being miserable my whole life because of it, and I don't want my child to end up emotionally f'ed up because if his parent like I was and still am. I hate to go around misdiagnosing everyone around me but now I'm starting to suspect that my fiancé is BPD. Either that or he is extremely stressed and is horrible about knowing how to handle it. But I'm leaning a bit more towards BPD, and I hate the thought. I hope all of this gets better because I would hate becoming a single mother and having my child have a BPD for a parent like I do  :'(

[Kwamina]

Hi NaniP

This is your first time posting on a forum and I want to give you a warm welcome

Dealing with disordered people can be very tough and draining. You believe your mother has BPD and are starting to think your SO might have too. Could you tell us a bit more about your mother and her behaviors that lead you to believe she has BPD? How would you describe your current relationship with your mother, do you still have contact with her?

Being verbally abused is very unpleasant and hurtful and I'm sorry your SO is treating you this way. He says that he's very stressed, does he also say what the cause is of him being so stressed?

A little more over a year ago your SO started changing. Did anything in particular happen in his life back then that coincided with or just preceded this change?

Take care