Could you please help by identifying if she had BPD?

[codes316]

Hi everyone,

I want to start by saying I know an official diagnosis would be the only way of knowing, but it'll help me make some sense and gain some control of a situation that doesn't make any sense and all control was lost.

I been researching BPD and learning the symptoms. My counselor suggested that it is possible she might have BPD.

She broke up with me out of the blue after a year long relationship. A day after she dumped her last boyfriend and a few days after our anniversary.

First half of the relationship was amazing like any typical BPD relationship. Very intense and very "loving".

Second half of the relationship was more distant and the fights become a reoccurring thing. It was like almost 2-3 times a week we had fights. Often the fights were over very small and petty things like waking up early or video games. At the time, I had no idea what BPD was,so, I often engaged into these arguments with anger. I remember once we had a fight about getting up early and she was so frustrated in the kitchen that I yelled "get it together like honestly your an adult you shouldn't be acting like this and you need to grow up, if not then breakup with me and get over it"- I honestly do believe I might have triggered something here.

She had deep depression, anxiety- it would be really difficult to get her to go meet new or my friends; it was extremely difficult to convince her to meet my parents. I remember one time we were driving and I told her in a real loving, calm, and as gentle as can be way:that I wanted her to improve the anxiety, That she was doing a great job, but I wanted her to make greater strides with it. She responded by crying and saying I would leave you if you ever say that again to me.

She dumped me literally a day after she dumped her last bf, and few days after our anniversary- no warning sign, no chance of reconciliation. She claimed she loved me, yet her reasons for leaving were I couldn't cook, the fights were a problem, work took too much of my time, it was a different reason every time I asked her and all the reasons were fixable. Every time I asked her to get help to seek someone she refused it several times. She always claimed that theres nothing wrong with me.

Its almost as if I got painted black over night. I been coping with this loss as best as I can and learning more about BPD has really help me become more aware of her actions and even my actions. I really have made a strong effort to improve myself.

Any help would be appreciated and thank you for reading all this!

[lbjnltx]

Hi codes316,

You are correct, we can't diagnose anyone here.  Having said that, have you looked at any of the clinical information we have here on the site?

Here are some links to info that you can use to best determine if your ex suffers from BPD or traits of BPD.  Most of the people we talk about here on the site would be considered sub clinical (not diagnosable) though are very troubled and need help.

BPD: What is it?  How Can I Tell?

What are the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?

lbjnltx