Do you think my ex girlfriend has BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi  so i need help determining whether my ex girlfriend has BPD. All of the sites i went on and articles i have read about it decribe her to a T. We dated for 6 months and knew each other for 8 months. When i met her i was crazy about her i never met a girl like this and i knew i was going to really like her. (were both 24)Let me start off by saying her dad left her family when she was 18 he just packed up and left and didnt tell anyone so she has abandonment issues (plus her dad was bi polar she often would say she has it too, or she would say somethings wrong with me im crazy thats why no one likes me), all of her friends in high school and college turned on her and werent friends with her for what ever reason. i noticed issues early on before we even started dating in the first month i noticed she was moody and bossy. I fell in love with her around the second month and asked her to be my girlfriend. she was really into me too and soon loved me too.We had amazing times together it was so great i loved it when it was like that but in the blink of an eye the perfect day could turn into a disaster. Now let me say this i did anything for this girl i was whipped and literally did what ever she wanted and i wasnt ashamed of that i loved helping her and doing things for her. and she loved how much i spoiled her.  Many times i felt she didnt appreciate all of that and almost expected it in a way it seemed to get nto the point where nothing i did was good enough.

Example one night i was going to her apartment around dinner time and knew all she had were raviolis so i brought a jar of sauce with the intention of making them for dinner.so i get to her place and ask if shes hungry, she says yes.i say i brought sauce want me to cook the raviolis, she says no i dont want raviolis (with an attitude). i say okay want me to run to the store and get us something, she says where? i say anywhere you want i start naming places, she says no to all of them (with an attitude). i say okay want me to make oatmeal to hold us over until we figure it out? she yells no just forget it ill starve to death, then said okay make the raviolis. so i do and they were amazing. i cooked everythinhg and told her to sit down and relax all she did was put mushrooms on a frying pan. so when i was done i put everything on a plate and took it out and the food was great we had raviolis, mushrooms, and a piece of toast. she says to me i thought i was only going to have the mushrooms( I mixed everything together)... .i was shocked she said this so i said oh sorry ill fork them off my plate on to yours, she said no forget it. then she looked at her piece of toast and said you didnt put butter on it i said oh no sorry let me go get some she said no its fine ... so i sat down then she said fine ill get the butter! i sat there and was so aggravated.

she was constantly yelling at me for small things, one little thing would set her off i could tell her a joke and it would set her off, she said things like she hates me, she would cry all the time sometimes 3 times a day, she would accuse me of cheating, accuse me of looking at and talking to other girls,( i would never cheat on her i was head over heals for this girl), she would always think i was going to find someone better than her, she would cry if i ever spent time with my friends over her and give me an ear full ( i was with her all the time i would always drive to her apartment after work every day), she said things like you dont love me anymore, told me my love for her was fake, ( i would always have to re assure her how much i loved her), i felt like i was constantly on egg shells around her, but i loved her so much. she would argue with me all the time and i would ususally just apologize even when i was not at fault. i did break up with her 2 times in the past 1 time for talking to her ex (from 3 years ago she hasnt had a relationship since) and another time i broke up because i couldnt take the disrespect anymore but she would threaten to kill herself and cry and i would be back the next day. i never actually wanted to break up with her i was trying to make a point. she threatened self harm a lot to get her way, she would send texts saying nobody cares about her, shell be gone soon, no body loves her, she worthless, she would hit her self, call herself stupid, i would have to hold her wrists to make her stop hitting herself. she would punch things throw things. she made her roommate who was her best friend eventually move out because she statrted to hate her (they never talked again) so her new friend roomed with her she soon hated her too and she is moving out as well. she has a rocky relationship with her mom and brother too but her mom loves her so much,  she always seemed to be complaing about everyone. she said she wanted to move to europe after school, then she changed her mind and said she wantes to move in together, then she changed her mind again after she dumped me and said she wants to move across the country. so she just broke up with me because she saw a text i sent to my friend saying another girl was hot but it meant nothing thats just how me and my guy friends talk with eachother it really was a meaningless text i think my girlfriend is way hotter. im not trying to justify what i did but thats just guy talk and wasnt for her to see.so she hung out with me the past month weve been broken up called me and texted me all the time but still said she doesnt want to get back together because i didnt try hard enough and it was too late and shes moved on. i was trying so hard to win her back i was so sad.i dont know how she moved opn so quickly (or so she says she recently tried to add me back on FB after she deleted me i blocked her) i just started no contact .she said shes happier being single and she doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore but still contacts me she told me she missed me when she was drunk two weeks ago. im just confused. i think she doesnt want to get back because shes planning to move across country in 4 months but i dont think thatll even happen. (its just a plan she has in her mind)

now thats not nearly all of it i can go on for pages describing more but that just gives you an idea please let me know what you think. even though she doesnt treat me right all the time and i treat her amazing i still love her so much and want her back i feel addicted to her almost.

[Washington6]

Hi  so i need help determining whether my ex girlfriend has BPD. All of the sites i went on and articles i have read about it decribe her to a T. We dated for 6 months and knew each other for 8 months. When i met her i was crazy about her i never met a girl like this and i knew i was going to really like her. (were both 24)Let me start off by saying her dad left her family when she was 18 he just packed up and left and didnt tell anyone so she has abandonment issues (plus her dad was bi polar she often would say she has it too, or she would say somethings wrong with me im crazy thats why no one likes me), all of her friends in high school and college turned on her and werent friends with her for what ever reason. i noticed issues early on before we even started dating in the first month i noticed she was moody and bossy. I fell in love with her around the second month and asked her to be my girlfriend. she was really into me too and soon loved me too.We had amazing times together it was so great i loved it when it was like that but in the blink of an eye the perfect day could turn into a disaster. Now let me say this i did anything for this girl i was whipped and literally did what ever she wanted and i wasnt ashamed of that i loved helping her and doing things for her. and she loved how much i spoiled her.  Many times i felt she didnt appreciate all of that and almost expected it in a way it seemed to get nto the point where nothing i did was good enough.

Example one night i was going to her apartment around dinner time and knew all she had were raviolis so i brought a jar of sauce with the intention of making them for dinner.so i get to her place and ask if shes hungry, she says yes.i say i brought sauce want me to cook the raviolis, she says no i dont want raviolis (with an attitude). i say okay want me to run to the store and get us something, she says where? i say anywhere you want i start naming places, she says no to all of them (with an attitude). i say okay want me to make oatmeal to hold us over until we figure it out? she yells no just forget it ill starve to death, then said okay make the raviolis. so i do and they were amazing. i cooked everythinhg and told her to sit down and relax all she did was put mushrooms on a frying pan. so when i was done i put everything on a plate and took it out and the food was great we had raviolis, mushrooms, and a piece of toast. she says to me i thought i was only going to have the mushrooms( I mixed everything together)... .i was shocked she said this so i said oh sorry ill fork them off my plate on to yours, she said no forget it. then she looked at her piece of toast and said you didnt put butter on it i said oh no sorry let me go get some she said no its fine ... so i sat down then she said fine ill get the butter! i sat there and was so aggravated.

she was constantly yelling at me for small things, one little thing would set her off i could tell her a joke and it would set her off, she said things like she hates me, she would cry all the time sometimes 3 times a day, she would accuse me of cheating, accuse me of looking at and talking to other girls,( i would never cheat on her i was head over heals for this girl), she would always think i was going to find someone better than her, she would cry if i ever spent time with my friends over her and give me an ear full ( i was with her all the time i would always drive to her apartment after work every day), she said things like you dont love me anymore, told me my love for her was fake, ( i would always have to re assure her how much i loved her), i felt like i was constantly on egg shells around her, but i loved her so much. she would argue with me all the time and i would ususally just apologize even when i was not at fault. i did break up with her 2 times in the past 1 time for talking to her ex (from 3 years ago she hasnt had a relationship since) and another time i broke up because i couldnt take the disrespect anymore but she would threaten to kill herself and cry and i would be back the next day. i never actually wanted to break up with her i was trying to make a point. she threatened self harm a lot to get her way, she would send texts saying nobody cares about her, shell be gone soon, no body loves her, she worthless, she would hit her self, call herself stupid, i would have to hold her wrists to make her stop hitting herself. she would punch things throw things. she made her roommate who was her best friend eventually move out because she statrted to hate her (they never talked again) so her new friend roomed with her she soon hated her too and she is moving out as well. she has a rocky relationship with her mom and brother too but her mom loves her so much,  she always seemed to be complaing about everyone. she said she wanted to move to europe after school, then she changed her mind and said she wantes to move in together, then she changed her mind again after she dumped me and said she wants to move across the country. so she just broke up with me because she saw a text i sent to my friend saying another girl was hot but it meant nothing thats just how me and my guy friends talk with eachother it really was a meaningless text i think my girlfriend is way hotter. im not trying to justify what i did but thats just guy talk and wasnt for her to see.so she hung out with me the past month weve been broken up called me and texted me all the time but still said she doesnt want to get back together because i didnt try hard enough and it was too late and shes moved on. i was trying so hard to win her back i was so sad.i dont know how she moved opn so quickly (or so she says she recently tried to add me back on FB after she deleted me i blocked her) i just started no contact .she said shes happier being single and she doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore but still contacts me she told me she missed me when she was drunk two weeks ago. im just confused. i think she doesnt want to get back because shes planning to move across country in 4 months but i dont think thatll even happen. (its just a plan she has in her mind)

now thats not nearly all of it i can go on for pages describing more but that just gives you an idea please let me know what you think. even though she doesnt treat me right all the time and i treat her amazing i still love her so much and want her back i feel addicted to her almost.

[Lonely_Astro]

Welcome to the board! 

BPD is a complex, spectrum disorder that even professional health providers have a hard time diagnosing.  We certainly, here, can't tell you whether or not she has a disorder.  Maybe she has a cluster b disorder or she simply has traits of, but that isn't whats important right now.

So, what is important?  YOU.  How are you feeling?  Are you talking to a professional yourself?

Some things that you can read up on in the meantime (besides the lessons here) is codependency and intermittent reinforcement.  Those two things were an eye opener for me.  My ex is diagnosed BPD.  She also shows Narc (narcissistic) traits.  I was involved with her twice.  The first go around (lasted 4mo), we didnt know she was BPD.  The second go around was 3 years later (lasted 1 year).  So, the second time around, I knew what I was getting into... .though she had been diagnosed and told me she had been through DBT (intense therapy for BPDs).  The first part was true, the second part wasn't. 

Anyway, my point is, what's important right now is how you are processing your experience.  You will also swing from one emotion to another as you process everything and you get out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) of the relationship.  Keep posting, asking questions, reading, and self discovering about yourself.  In time, it gets better.  It's hard to see that it will, right now because the wounds are fresh, but it does get better.  NC is best for you, it allows that time to process.  NC isn't to punish them.  Its to protect yourself from becoming wrapped up in the r/s again.

Keep posting, Washington6!