BPD LTR

[Tomacini]

Ok, my BPD partner broke up with me, she's 27. Before me she was in a 7 year realtionship so she was 18 when it started. Is it possible that the BPD symptoms were not there yet?

I mean, how could you have a 7 year relationship with a BPD?

Could it also be that the end of that relationship (which she still idealizes) made the BPD symptoms worse to the point wher she is now?

Thx!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

Ok, my BPD partner broke up with me, she's 27. Before me she was in a 7 year realtionship so she was 18 when it started. Is it possible that the BPD symptoms were not there yet?

I mean, how could you have a 7 year relationship with a BPD?

Could it also be that the end of that relationship (which she still idealizes) made the BPD symptoms worse to the point wher she is now?

Thx!

Anything is possible.  It seems unlikely that a borderline could sustain a relationship for 7 years in that age range, but that doesn't mean it can't happen.  Without knowing the dynamic of her relationship with the ex you can only speculate, which is not really going to get you anywhere.  You will find there are no logical answers to the questions you have.  

What you can do right now is work on yourself.  This is something you do have control over.  Educate yourself on how to be in a relationship with a borderline.  Even if things don't work out with her this knowledge will help you in all your relationships, be they romantic or not.   Try to understand your own role in the relationship and where you may have been engaging in some codependent behavior.  Life is a learning process which never ends.

What areas within yourself do you feel you might want to address?

[livednlearned]

Hi Tomacini,

I'm sorry you're going through a break-up. That can be very rough, especially with BPD involved. How recently did the break-up happen?

Can you tell us a little about your relationship, how long it lasted, how it started or just in general what it was like? That might help us understand better what the dynamics are that you're dealing with.

People with BPD can be in long-term relationships, the same as people without BPD. Not all people with BPD are the same, and the severity of symptoms and traits can vary. It sounds like you are wondering how, based on your own experience, she could possibly stay with someone for a long time?

[Tomacini]

Hi livednlearned. My story is right here

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=292199.msg12748325#msg12748325

[Bushido]

Ok, my BPD partner broke up with me, she's 27. Before me she was in a 7 year realtionship so she was 18 when it started. Is it possible that the BPD symptoms were not there yet?

I mean, how could you have a 7 year relationship with a BPD?

Could it also be that the end of that relationship (which she still idealizes) made the BPD symptoms worse to the point wher she is now?

i´ve been with my BPD partner for 18 years (more than half my life)

But that seems to be about to end.

in a few day the divorce will be signed and than that´s it.

The silly thing is... .

... .if i had come here sooner and learned how to handle it beter . . . the episode that ended it all. . . then this never would have gone this far.

and this was 3 week ago...