What happens when they find out you're dating again?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Do they get jealous? Do they pursue you? Are they indifferent? If you're their "property," what happens when their property is stolen... .even if it is just on the shelf, or even discarded?

[sweet tooth]

Do they get jealous? Do they pursue you? Are they indifferent? If you're their "property," what happens when their property is stolen... .even if it is just on the shelf, or even discarded?

[WoundedBibi]

Sweet tooth, you wouldn't be thinking of dating again just to make your ex jealous, now would you... ?

[sweet tooth]

Sweet tooth, you wouldn't be thinking of dating again just to make your ex jealous, now would you... ?

No. I'm thinking of dating again to meet new people and to help me heal. I'm just curious what to expect from crazyville.

[Mutt]

If you're their "property," what happens when their property is stolen... .even if it is just on the shelf, or even discarded?

Do we have to assume this role? My ex could think that I'm on the shelf  but I don't let her bother me.

I wouldn't worry about your ex. Take good care of yourself.

[lunchbox123]

It drove my exBPDgf crazy, she would call me hysterically. Sobbing that I was moving on and that I would be sharing the future we had planned with someone else. That it was unfair that I was doing the things she wanted so badly with someone else. She had always said it was her greatest fear, that I would start dating someone else.

We were officially broken up a year before that point, had a on/off relationship for 8 months. She broke that off because she started seeing someone, we started sleeping together again about a month later till I realised we weren't progressing and even though we had many long discussions about our future. She wouldn't commit to ending it with him so I started NC and went on holiday where I met someone and we dated for ~3 months.

Sadly, as with every pwBPD, my story with exBPDgf didn't end there but it's not relevant to your question.

But I wouldn't be worried about what they think, it's irrelevant to your progress.

[sweet tooth]

I would be lying if I said I wouldn't consider getting back with my ex. I'm conflicted.

[WoundedBibi]

I would be lying if I said I wouldn't consider getting back with my ex. I'm conflicted.

I suspected that. That's why I asked you why you posted this question...

The questions you have posted today 'grey stone instead of NC?' & 'reaction when dating?' give me the impression you're looking for the buttons you could push to get your desired effect.

[sweet tooth]

I would be lying if I said I wouldn't consider getting back with my ex. I'm conflicted.

I suspected that. That's why I asked you why you posted this question...

The questions you have posted today 'grey stone instead of NC?' & 'reaction when dating?' give me the impression you're looking for the buttons you could push to get your desired effect.

Maybe subconsciously I am. I don't know.

[gotbushels]

Mine didn't care . She started to get intimate with someone else before we even broke up.

But I wouldn't be worried about what they think, it's irrelevant to your progress.

I agree with lunchbox on this. It shouldn't factor in to your decision making.

Being conflicted or having doubts about our behaviour after a relationship I think is fairly normal. What is important is what we do with those doubts as well as how carefully we thought about our earlier decision. Breaking up can be an even bigger commitment than getting together, though most people don't think so. It's much easier for a smoker to continue smoking than it is to quit. Similar idea.

[troisette]

It may trigger her to attempt a recycle sweet tooth.

You're only a short time nc and understandable that you are speculating about this, reading your other posts.

BUT it would not benefit you. You'd be back on the roller coaster and back here, more bloodied, more bruised. Can you imagine feeling worse than you do now?

Going nc is tough. No one pretends it isn't.

I was seeing a new person, as a friend only, about three months after I went nc. Word got around town that I was in a new relationship. I received what may or may not have been an attempt to get me to contact him. Part of me wanted to, a greater part of me knew I'd be done for if I did. I didn't respond and am glad I made that choice.

I'm now six months nc and feeling better, not there yet but feeling better. People on these boards say that a second rejection is worse than the first.

Stay strong.

[Herodias]

Mine got himself all jealous making it up in his head that I was dating someone he knew... .even started lying that he was in a better position at work, like he was better than this guy. He told me he knows I will date, but doesn't want to know about it. Then he got mad when I told him that I was still married and "normal" people don't date married people! He said, oh... you have had opportunities, but you are choosing not to! Huh, I wish I did! It's not as easy at it seems to be for them.

[sweet tooth]

^Yea. Life is hard for them... .

[Frustratedbloke]

In my last message to my ex, which was still leaving the door open to her, I mentioned I'd been seeing someone for the last few weeks. I think it enraged her, but I have not heard from her since. That was the 14th of last month, although we'd been going through the motions of separating for weeks by that point and she'd basically shelved me about two months before.

Short answer, I think she wanted me on the shelf. I haven't heard from her since. Not a whisper. So be ready for that, being painted black and cut dead. It's a very real possibility. Even if she dumped you, if you now 'cheat' on her and date again, and it is almost like that, she could easily cut you out of her life forever.

It could be the best thing that ever happens to you. I think it is for me.

[sweet tooth]

In my last message to my ex, which was still leaving the door open to her, I mentioned I'd been seeing someone for the last few weeks. I think it enraged her, but I have not heard from her since. That was the 14th of last month, although we'd been going through the motions of separating for weeks by that point and she'd basically shelved me about two months before.

Short answer, I think she wanted me on the shelf. I haven't heard from her since. Not a whisper. So be ready for that, being painted black and cut dead. It's a very real possibility. Even if she dumped you, if you now 'cheat' on her and date again, and it is almost like that, she could easily cut you out of her life forever.

It could be the best thing that ever happens to you. I think it is for me.

It's actually kind of funny that they would consider it "cheating" after they discard you... .

[iluminati]

As someone a few years out from their breakup with someone with BPD, I can tell you what life is like on the other side.  I've dated some, had a few serious relationships (like meet the parents level) and generally enjoyed being a single man again.  I've also been in a situation where, by chance, my ex-wife with BPD ended up acquainted with one of my girlfriends.  (There's nothing like a risque picture of your then-gf taken by you posted on social media, then commented on by your ex with BPD.  I may or may not have cackled for 15 minutes.)

I think you need to realize what a typical woman is like again.  I'm not saying that they're all wonderful women.  Remember, however, that only 2-6% of the population suffers from BPD.  The rest of the population has your more typical neuroses.  This isn't to say that they're all for you, of course.  There's a reason I'm not married yet.   What it does do is force you to understand what BPD truly is and is not.  It's hard to see how crazy things are fresh out of a relationship with someone with BPD, and I fully admit to my share of missteps.  What you will realize is how unhealthy your relationship truly was in a way you can't get from therapy, useful as it may be.  It's one thing to have a therapist point out unhealthy patterns.  It's another to viscerally feel the absence of those unhealthy patterns, and realize what may be your own weaknesses.

I will say that if you're going to date, do it because you want to do it, not because of your ex.  That's sound advice, BPD or not.

[sweet tooth]

As someone a few years out from their breakup with someone with BPD, I can tell you what life is like on the other side.  I've dated some, had a few serious relationships (like meet the parents level) and generally enjoyed being a single man again.  I've also been in a situation where, by chance, my ex-wife with BPD ended up acquainted with one of my girlfriends.  (There's nothing like a risque picture of your then-gf taken by you posted on social media, then commented on by your ex with BPD.  I may or may not have cackled for 15 minutes.)

I think you need to realize what a typical woman is like again.  I'm not saying that they're all wonderful women.  Remember, however, that only 2-6% of the population suffers from BPD.  The rest of the population has your more typical neuroses.  This isn't to say that they're all for you, of course.  There's a reason I'm not married yet.   What it does do is force you to understand what BPD truly is and is not.  It's hard to see how crazy things are fresh out of a relationship with someone with BPD, and I fully admit to my share of missteps.  What you will realize is how unhealthy your relationship truly was in a way you can't get from therapy, useful as it may be.  It's one thing to have a therapist point out unhealthy patterns.  It's another to viscerally feel the absence of those unhealthy patterns, and realize what may be your own weaknesses.

I will say that if you're going to date, do it because you want to do it, not because of your ex.  That's sound advice, BPD or not.

^My T suggested I start dating to distract myself and meet new people. I think he wants me to understand that there are better people out there. I joined Match last week and met somebody on there. We're going to meet sometime soon.