Does this post make sense to anyone?
It does to me
When I read your post I get the strong sense that though you lived at home until you were 18th, in many ways you were abandoned by your parents way before that. You were a gifted child, yet I also know from other posts you made that you felt unsupported by your parents. Would you agree too that this sense of abandonment from an early age is something you struggle with?
Absolutely!That's why I have PTSD and not BPD, I actually was abandoned and when I feel abandoned as an adult it triggers my childhood abandonment and its awful. I think I was abandoned by my parents when I was 8, that's the first time I was
led astray taken advantage of by a boy, a peer. When I talked to my mom about it as an adult she said she knew what was going on but she felt powerless to stop it. I was 8. All she had to do was call the boy's parents but since they were above us socioeconomically she let the situation happen.
My father thought because I was gifted I could find my own way.
It wasn't until later that organizations such as SENG, supporting the emotional needs of the gifted, were formed. By that time it was too late for me. I also found out that my school district did away with intelligence testing. I still have my IQ test from when I was in kindergarten. That's when I was identified as being a mentally gifted minor. It makes me so sad to talk about it now.
I was abandoned after I graduated from my alternative elementary school where they had gifted and talented education. When I got to middle school I fell between the cracks .
I wanted to leave home as soon as I could, I wanted to be emancipated, but that won't work unless your parents are on board. I was miserable as a teenager, dropped out of high school, my friends knew I was bored and high school wasn't challenging me. They said I was too bright for high school.
Had my parents done their job I would have gone to the school for the academically gifted but as a result of my father
neglecting me in middle school I wasn't eligible grade wise. I still have my middle school transcripts. I got my first D, in science, in 7th grade. It wasn't until after I got my 2 year college degree in Child Development that I found out I had a learning disability in math and science. It breaks my heart even talking about it now.
My parents were so caught up in my brother's education that they totally neglected me. Anytime I tried to address it with my mother she told me I was jealous of my brother.
Even today when I try talk to my dad about it he either doesn't listen, doesn't believe it, or tells me to stop dwelling in the past. My mom's even worse, she won't even give me an audience. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone as I write about this.
I have to add when I met with my probate attorney he asked me how far I had gone in my education. I know I have the capacity to be an attorney myself. My brother is actually preparing to take the LSAT... .It makes me so sad to talk about all this stuff.
My parents had no idea it is possible to be both mentally gifted and have a learning disability. They were so caught up in mainstreaming my visually impaired brother that I got totally neglected. I already said it breaks my heart to talk about it now... .
I also see the parallels between your childhood and your daughter's. Your daughter is gifted too, mentally and athletically gifted as you've mentioned in other posts. Yet your daughter also has certain struggles now. I am glad you are trying to do your best to be there for your daughter and break the cycle. I can also imagine how going through this with your daughter can be quite triggering as it's reminiscent of your own experiences during your childhood.
Yes I went back on the sleep medication that worked for me and noticed I lost weight which was ironic because the whole reason I stopped it was because it was making me gain weight. I guess the sleep is what my body needed. At any rate I feel a bit spaced out today but I see my psych in a week so I'll talk to her about it then. I can't afford to be waking up at 1, 2 and 3am thinking about the past.
Anyways to get to my topic, well, my daughter is reading 1984 and its been really interesting to see her wrestle with difficult material. I tried to read that book as an adult and couldn't because it was so depressing.
I actually re-read that book last year and I too find it rather depressing. Near the end of the book the central character looks in the mirror assessing the damage done to him and says to the person who had been abusing him something like 'Look what you've done to me'. That part really resonated with me and in a way is similar to the damage disordered parents do to their children. It's a tough read.
Hmm, interesting. I didn't get that far. I think I stopped where the main character was in a room and a voice was speaking to him through an intercom. That was enough for me.
Heck, I'm so sensitive these days that the dystopian world of Cinder (a cyborg Cinderella story) depressed me and I just had to put it down.
... .
I don't know if any of you are familiar with the Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer .
I have not read those stories but do know they are a re-imagining of classic fairy tales.
I love reading too!
Cinder is a dystopian Cinderella. Cinder is a cyborg android mechanic who also finds out she is not who she thinks she is. Its interesting up until the point that the Lunar queen comes down to earth. She is so oppressive.
I also bailed on Eclipse, the third book in the Twilight series. I stopped at the passage where Edward was holding Bella back from talking to Jacob, physically holding her back. That was too much for me.
I should modify this topic to A dystopian life... .
