Very very trying

[Giggy]

My BPDs does not take responsibility in making decision.  He constantly critisizes everything that I do.  He tells me how I should respond to him.  He says he doesn't feel supported.  But when I try to tell him what he wants to hear he changes the criteria,  so I cannot possibly do anything right.

One thing that I wonder is no matter how much I try to support, encourage, validate it's never enough, he's like a bottomless pit.  Are they addicted to these scenarios?

No matter what I do or say... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdmom1]

Sounds like he wants the control.  My BPD18 controls us all.  She dictates the rules and we comply as not to upset her or deal with her wrath.  I can give her the world and she keeps on taking. 

I believe she thinks she is the center of the universe and no one else really exists unless she wants something from them.

[Giggy]

The situation today:

He has back pain as a result of a car accident (nit his fault, rear ended, and is very bitter about it).

He needs to go to chiro or physio but says I do not encourage him the right way to go and therefore he won't go (like he is punishing me).  I told him I cannot make him go but if he wants to feel better the logical thing to do would be to go.

[Giggy]

Bdpmom1,

Yes I think that plays a part in it.   He often does stuff to spite me too.

He is highly intelligent but I think he is manipulative I'M not sure it is deliberate but I do get very frustrated.

[lbjnltx]

We want so badly for our kids to WANT to seek help and improve.  We want it more than they do. 

When we make decisions and take action based on FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) we are not in control of ourselves.

Have you read the article on FOG?  If not here's the link:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog