Found this post from a crime investigator...

[Herodias]

I found this post from a crime investigator... .really makes you think! I have been in this situation as many of us have... .we need to be grateful we are way from them... .This man posted this on another forum hoping to help someone... .

"Usually I wait for awhile before I post this "poem" I wrote that's a true story from being a crime scene investigator:

I'll never forget that look in your eyes, forgot your name,but not your eyes: by gary

You used to call me on the phone crying.

I would always rush over to see what was wrong.

You would invite me in to your torn up home and you would show me the red marks and teary eyes.

So we would sit and talk and you never took me up on my offer to spend the night with a relative or just leave with me right then.

You would tell me that it would be ok and tell me to leave so at that time I had no choice but to leave. The laws didn't permit me to just take you with me back then just for a few red marks or I would have. I promise ,I really would have.

Then you called me again and again and again. Again I would look into your red eyes and even held you a few times while you cried on my shoulder. Even did talk you into leaving once but you went back that same night , said you loved him and he loved you and you were going to work on it.

I didn't like him and often got in his face but you would attack me from behind for trying to defend and protect you. You would yell at me and call me names and make me leave again without you. I would see you as I drove away looking out the window at me with his shadow lurking in the background and I would know that I would be seeing you again.

But this last time it was him who called me and said to come over but there was no rush this time. When I got there I saw why.I knelt down and closed your eyes for you for the last time but you couldn't see me.

I'll never forget that look in your eyes.  Ever.

I may have forgotten your name. Maybe you were # 7 or #12 ,there have been so many. But I won't forget the way you looked at me the last time, right before it got dark.

****************

Hope you really take this seriously because it really can be and no restraining order or piece of paper alone can totally protect you against someone with what looks like zero impulse control."

[Lexisdad]

As a veteran police officer/ detective for 29 years this resonates and hits home hard with me. As many scenes of domestic violence that i have been involved with over the years i was with a BPD ex gf for 6 years. I thought i could handle it. How many times of rage was i subjected to, how many times was i subjected her physically hitting me and the very same thing i was telling people in my proffesionsalblife to not accept i was doing the exact opposite. For 6 years i was subjected to her behavior that was beyond abusive and even as i was in fear for my life at times i did not leave.

Yes, i absolutelly loved and adored this woman. Why i continued to put up with the same thing that i had so often seen go horribly wrong and end up with tragic results i can't answer. When she told me she was bipolar i thought i could handle it. As the relationship continued i needed to find how someone could act as she did. Thats when i discovered BPD. Now that i'm out of that relationship and have had time to look back in retrospect how it didnt end worse is a miracle. I'm glad i escaped the relationship with not only my life but as a police officer all it wouldve taken were the police to be involved and my job and career would have been in jeopardy. In her times of rage i would be out the door as quick as lightning only to receive 80 to 90 calls as she raged. To tell me " i'm a piece of sh-t, or how she hates me.

Never once did i ever become physical with her but everyone here knows that sometimes we are all pushed to that breaking point. Thank god i always walked away.

[Herodias]

Lexisdad, thanks for sharing. From what I read, they know how to turn on the charm to make us forgive the bad. Glad we both made it out safe... .I now understand why the last time the police came to my door they told me it was time to divorce. I am sure you know all to well what can happen. It's just too bad these people go on to do this to another person. I wonder, even if "records" are expunged, are there still records of phone calls or records the police keep over time in case they are called for these same people down the road? I always wondered if expungement meant on public record only... .

[Lexisdad]

In this day and age with computer aided dispatch names, addresses and phone numbers are all kept on file. In the case of arrest where the records are sealed the average person would not have access and a court order would be needed to unseal the record. Bottom line, if you have had interaction with the police in that jurisdiction there will be incidents on file. All it takes is punch your name in the computer and all interactions are at your fingertips.

The one person that i know she was in a relationship before me was a police officer as well. I know for a fact that she was involved in a physical altercation with him while he was in uniform at the police station where she was a civilian employee.

[sweet tooth]

As a veteran police officer/ detective for 29 years this resonates and hits home hard with me. As many scenes of domestic violence that i have been involved with over the years i was with a BPD ex gf for 6 years. I thought i could handle it. How many times of rage was i subjected to, how many times was i subjected her physically hitting me and the very same thing i was telling people in my proffesionsalblife to not accept i was doing the exact opposite. For 6 years i was subjected to her behavior that was beyond abusive and even as i was in fear for my life at times i did not leave.

Yes, i absolutelly loved and adored this woman. Why i continued to put up with the same thing that i had so often seen go horribly wrong and end up with tragic results i can't answer. When she told me she was bipolar i thought i could handle it. As the relationship continued i needed to find how someone could act as she did. Thats when i discovered BPD. Now that i'm out of that relationship and have had time to look back in retrospect how it didnt end worse is a miracle. I'm glad i escaped the relationship with not only my life but as a police officer all it wouldve taken were the police to be involved and my job and career would have been in jeopardy. In her times of rage i would be out the door as quick as lightning only to receive 80 to 90 calls as she raged. To tell me " i'm a piece of sh-t, or how she hates me.

Never once did i ever become physical with her but everyone here knows that sometimes we are all pushed to that breaking point. Thank god i always walked away.

I find your story interesting. Have you ever wondered why you had such a discrepancy between your professional role (enforcer) and private role (victim)?

[gotbushels]

Wow. This poem scared me a lot. It really makes you think. Stay safe everyone. Thanks for sharing Heron:)

[Lexisdad]

Looking back i think i became addicted to her. Like a heroin addict, you knows its killing you but you need that hit. If you get a chance, read the thread "our health". I think you will find how truly detrimental being in this relationship was to me. Why i ever let myself be so disrespected, manipulated and absolutelly abused i liken to so many domestic calls i responded to over the years. Sometimes i'd go to the same address and finf a woman once again the victim of physical abuse. As she would be there with a black eye or lacerated lip i'd ask why are you still with this man. The answer " i love him"!  I became no different in my relationship then the same people i saw becoming victims everyday. Yes, i was physically hit by my pwBPD ex, yes i suffered severe verbal and emotional abuse and i stayed like so many others. Never again will i let someone distrspect me and abuse me sgain.