Our Health...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was listening to a u-tube video about the effects of living with "toxic people". Health was hugely affected. I hadn't thought about it, but since my separation, I have lost weight, stopped having to use ant-acids and reflux meds... .I don't have severe anxiety and am beginning to sleep better. I was so scared of him and his moods. He deprived me of lots of sleep. He hated certain foods and demanded to eat and/or not eat others, which affected how I ate. He laughed at my back problems and talked in his sleep saying horrible things at night which would wake me up (maybe he did this on purpose) I never really knew if he was really asleep when he said them or not! I would pretend to be asleep and not hear him. They were awful things. His Dad said he would say horrible things as a kid. This was just another thing he did to keep me awake. Anyway, I think I do feel better health wise and hope some of you are starting to see some changes for the better with yours.

[Herodias]

I was listening to a u-tube video about the effects of living with "toxic people". Health was hugely affected. I hadn't thought about it, but since my separation, I have lost weight, stopped having to use ant-acids and reflux meds... .I don't have severe anxiety and am beginning to sleep better. I was so scared of him and his moods. He deprived me of lots of sleep. He hated certain foods and demanded to eat and/or not eat others, which affected how I ate. He laughed at my back problems and talked in his sleep saying horrible things at night which would wake me up (maybe he did this on purpose) I never really knew if he was really asleep when he said them or not! I would pretend to be asleep and not hear him. They were awful things. His Dad said he would say horrible things as a kid. This was just another thing he did to keep me awake. Anyway, I think I do feel better health wise and hope some of you are starting to see some changes for the better with yours.

[Lexisdad]

In November just prior to the breakup went for my annual physical. I was suffering from thyroid eye disease which is caused by stress, high blood pressure, pre diabetic and overweight. I went for my physical monday. Ive lost 44 pounds. I no longer have thyroid eye disease which i didn't receive treatment for. My blood pressure is 116/72. Ekg is perfect. Blood glucose was 92. Towards the end of the relationship the stress was literally killing me.Everyday my heart felt like it was gonna blow up not knowing what was coming next from her.  I now hit the gym 6 days a week. Im eating right and stress is dramatically reduced. I don't think i wouldve lived another year without having a heart attack or stroke with her.

[peace74]

I have read some of your posts and I feel so bad that you went through all you did  

I know I've been through some crazy stuff and have been disrespected but I can honestly say that it was more like dealing with a child.  Your ex just seems so mean and nasty!  You deserve so much better and I truly hope you get it.  

[Lexisdad]

Thank you peace. Honestly what ive put on these boards is a small fraction of the craziness i went thru with my BPDex gf. It was complete torture and actually sadistic behavior i went thru. I like every one else on these boards was in a bad place after the breakup. If i can offer any advice it s to find something to occupy your time and don't dwell on the past to much. I have found the gym and working out is my way of dealing with this. I've met some very nice women and as of right now i'm certainly not looking date but it's restoring my confidence to be able to have a conversation. When your beaten down to the point you can't look at yourself in the mirror because of the abuse from our BPD ex's it strips you to your core. Funny how you say my ex was mean and nasty. I just finished speaking to my 74 year old mother on the phone and her exact words were" she is a mean and nasty woman for the things she has said alone to you never mind her behavior. Thanks again.

[JerryRG]

The heath issue is extremely important, I lost so much sleep with my exBPDgf, on constant alert waiting on her tantrums.

I lost a lot of weight as well but that turned into a blessing. I posted earlier about how the sleep deprivation started very early on in the r/s. Text and calls all hours of the night with crisis and chaos.

I also had cancer and faced a promising treatment with a very high success rate, 85%. At the time of treatment I was not fully involved in AA and Alanon and hadn't learning enough skills to deal with the stress of the r/s.

The treatment failed, I now have to undergo chemo for the rest of my life. I'm very aware how stress plays a significant role in our ovrrall health. This may have shortened my life expectancy and the chemo has serious side effects which compromise my ability to work and take care of my son.

We do indeed pay a significant price by choosing to be under constant stress in toxic relationships.

[Lexisdad]

Oh yes the sleep deprivation. Getting off work at midnight going home and unwinding and getting to bed at 2 am only to be blown out of bed at 6 am as she drives to work. How many mornings i awokened to a full blown rage over who i talked to at work last night. Did you go right home? Did you have a female partner last night?  How many mornings i would be told im a piece of sh-t for simpy going to work. It was to the point i was laying in bed at night awaiting to be blown out of bed by her accusations. I don't drink and she knew that. She knew i'm not a bar person. But absolutelly insisted i went out everynight after work. Craziness!

[HurtinNW]

During the last four years I've developed horrible stomach problems and other issues. Since my ex broke up with me (again) my stomach problems are suddenly much better. I've lost a few pounds, my figure is back, and my PTSD symptoms are rapidly retreating. I'm still in a lot of emotional pain but my body feels a thousand times better. My skin tone is better, I am sleeping better, I feel great at the gym.

The effect of stress on the body is very real.

The sleeping issue is interesting. I was the one who sometimes didn't let my ex sleep, when I was having a bad panic attack, triggered by his rages. I need to own that. I would get flooded and sleep was off the table. I would want him to "fix" it by soothing me, and apologizing, but that just made him angrier. We had some really horrible nights.

Stepping back, it was two sided. (using clarity here). Once he started raging and being abusive there was no way I could sleep.

I was hypervigilant for most the relationship. That's a long time to be hypervigilant. Those stress hormones wreak havoc on you.

[sweet tooth]

During the disappearing acts I was under severe stress and wouldn't eat. No energy to exercise. After the discard I became physically ill for several weeks. I still have little energy, but it's coming back.

During the good time I felt like Superman. During the bad times (and after the discard is a bad time and I'm waiting for a Charm) I feel like a zombie.

[Dimmy]

Oh health... .

When we were arguing about something terribly with my ex outside at 5 am in the morning after going to a club, I, being irritated, shouted angrily at some strangers who asked for directions and they attacked us. As a result I had an open forearm fracture for which I have already had two surgeries and which has not healed in 7 months yet. I know it's not his fault but this would never have happened were I not so constantly irritated, angry and not myself.

I gained about 20lbs by trying to eat myself numb.

My immune system was hardly working at some point - I would constantly get colds and flus. When I was down with a terrible flu, I had to attend to his needs and got a complication of a very bad wart on my face (caused by a virus, but only active when immune system fails).

Acid reflux, mood swings, depression... .- I had everything.

And an STD of course, which he had but failed to disclose... .

My failing health was one of the main reasons I decided to call it quits.

[gotbushels]

WOW. Guys I'm so happy to hear about your recovery stories. Lexisdad it feels like your ex was a clone of mine. You have an awesome recovery story. 6 days a week is SO impressive. That is so far and above even "normal" people, it's definitely worthy of praise.

Good health to you all, God Bless, and may you all have proper rest! Oh gosh the sleep deprivation... .I feel like I'm in a room with fellow POWs though my relationship was nowhere near 6 years+.

Some of the horrors you guys have been through is unspeakable. May you find peace from the suffering and peace from the memories of it.

[Lexisdad]

One of the most significant effects this stress had on my health was low testosterone which can be caused by stress and decreases cortisol production. I suffered no sexual side affects but constantly fatigued. My T levels were down to 95. I'm happy to have learned this week from lab results that my levels are almost at there normal levels and i ll be off my testosterone therapy shortly.

Looking back at this complete sh-t show i put up with and the dramatic effect the everyday stress this was having on my health her ending the relationship was a blessing.There is only so much emotional abuse we can take. In my case i can honestly say that the 4 or 5 days a week of her full blown rages,her extreme verbal abuse and gaslighting caused my health issues. How often do we hear of 49 year old men dropping dead of a heart attack or stroke these days. I think we can all i agree that there is no price we can put on our health, physically or emotionally. In my case, obviously the emotional damage was causing my body severe physical damage. Our bodies are only made to handle so much stress. As my doctor told me at my physical these people with BPD dont change and the prize is not worth the pain. Stay strong everyone and heed the warning signs your body is telling you im convinced my BPD ex almost cost me my life.

One of the things that i have gotten into that has helped my recovery is ive taken up spinning classes at the gym. I spin 5 days a week sometimes twice a day. Your in a room with 24 people and you interact. Those 45 minutes take me into another world. If your like me who believed that your ex pwBPD was one of the most beautiful women you have ever been with realize that when you get into a gym you see just as pretty woman. Just remember beauty is only skin deep and doesnt always last forever. What matters is what lies beneath the skin. When my ex told me she had bipolar i sat her down and said to her, if you came home today and told me you had breast cancer and needed a mastectomy do you think i would love you any less. I tried to think i could help her after i discovered BPD. Just remember we owe it to ourselves to take care if us.