I need help with this relationship

[TheMan68]

Hello!

I am in love with a women with BPD,bipoler,adhd,posttraumatisk stressyndrom and alout more.

I just had my first "splitting" and it crushed and broke my heart really hard and she flirted with another man

witch was very brutal to me... .I have gone though alout with her since the beginning of the year.

We were actually freinds as a start and then it touched love alout of times and she had feelings for me.

I miss her so very much now!

As i said the first time I went through a splitting and I was not preperad for that so i got both extremly sad

and very angry fro everything a did in my power in over time to support her... .

So now I am reading very much about BPD just to make myself ten times stronger and I have a strong drive to

try and win her back... .I feel comfterbal that she will do that after a while after all people i talked to and

read alout on the net.

So please people... .Dont say give her upp. I already know that its tuff... .i just want to have the best advice how

to deal with it and know it is going to happen again and learn to be much stronger... .

I mean love can really make you climb a mountain for a women... .and I am willing to do that. Please help!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[TheMan68]

I most also say one positiv thing that she sms,d me her new mobil number so she does not seem to totally want me gone... .

[Bpdsupporter]

Heartbreak always sucks! I feel your pain. The advice I give you may not be the most popular but it really helped me the most. I began to pray. Pray that my partner be blessed I prayed for their well-being that he will find peace. Prayer develops empathy and really helped me heal. Which is my next advice to you. It's so important that you get some much needed healing. Use his time to really focus on your happiness. Heartache can bring depression and anxiety. If you focus on getting the help you need emotionally spiritually and physically you will be better  equipped to deal with what ever comes.

I know where you been when you love someone so much. So just be patient take care of you and know that you are not alone. I would definitely seek the advice of a therapists or a pastor or counseler someone you can trust who can help you during this rough time.

Because if you are going to be in a relationship with someone with BPD your well-being is going to have to be a priority for the challenges you will face in this special but sometimes stressful relationship. But I will tell you there is hope that you can have a rewarding and fulfilling relationship with someone with BPD. I'm living proof. But take care of you first OK! One thing at a time. You be well... .and just know you are not alone. Peace!

[TheMan68]

Thank you so much Bpdsupporter!:)

yes Ill do what ever i takes for me to get stronger in myself and I´m willing to learn

how to (if there is a chance) to minimise the risk o splitting... .to gain her trust and

that she feels the comfort of me always... .

Btw! witch button do you press to answer

in this forum?hehe... .this inboxxed answer to i wrote does not look right. hmm?

[TheMan68]

And now I am even planning/thinking and reaserching... .even taking my time listening to old

sound clips from her on the mobile of things she said to me what she likes and so on... .

I am trying to sync with her and trying to make her feel happy with me... .I almost get tears

to my eyes that she almost always said that i make her happy... .

But now I am going to giver her space and I must have patence untill she wrights to me again.

If it takes to long I am planning on sending a nice card to her and telling her that I understand

what is going on and you are forgiven even if you hurted me realy bad but I am stronger now

for you and I will be more prepared of you" and also buy something nice for her, thinking about

buying something for her dogs" its like her children so I think that could be smart... .well Im just planning.

[Bpdsupporter]

Your welcome! sounds like your staying positive and optimistic. I know you miss her so just be patient and like you said give her space. Try and keep busy too so your mind won't be so occupied about your relationship. Do something special for yourself something that will make you happy. Also one thing that really helps me is journalling. It's a great way to release all your feelings. Keep your head up and please take some time to do something you really really enjoy. Buy yourself something nice, take a nice walk, go get a message, go for a bike ride

Make sure you get plenty of rest too. If you have trouble sleeping passionflower or camamile tea is great to sip on before bedtime. Also there's a fantastic all natural supplement that my pwBPD and I take called Inositol also known as vitimin B8. It's really helped us both with anxiety. Check with your Dr of course but you can get it at any health food store. These are just a few self care suggestions that will help you as your waiting to see what happens next... so no matter what the outcome you can get some healing. You deserve happiness and I really hope that things will work out for you.

Be well and Peace!

[once removed]

hi TheMan68 

can you tell us a bit more about the circumstances leading to the breakup, and whats going on now? are the two of you in contact?

this will help us better understand how we can help

[livednlearned]

So please people... .Dont say give her upp. I already know that its tuff... .i just want to have the best advice how

to deal with it and know it is going to happen again and learn to be much stronger... .

I mean love can really make you climb a mountain for a women... .and I am willing to do that. Please help!

Hi TheMan68,

You're in the right place. This board is safe board to express how you feel and focus on the skills needed to move forward. 

Like you said, the fact she messaged you is a sign she isn't likely to disappear for good.

Can you tell us a little about what happened to lead to the split? The note you're planning on sending might not be a great idea, it's hard to tell without the details. If it feels like you are appeasing her, that gets a whole loop of bad behavior going that you want to avoid.

We're here to listen and help you through this.

LnL