If anyone can help. . . then please do..

[Bushido]

i really think i´m starting to use this as my personal diary . . . or something...

anyway...

well . . the kids are at the inlaws this week ( where my wife is staying with all our 4 kids and the dog )

so i guess my mind will be set on . . keep your self busy. . so  you dont think too much.

i mean. . . i just can´t see what my wife is aiming at... .well . . when i think about it . . then this is

actually her way in. .everything i think... at least very very many things.

Seems like the decisions she makes are more driven by emotions then cognitive thinking.

i called her the other day . . .and she was real busy with finishing an application school. . so i said " sure we can talk later , it´s no problem "

but then i started thinking. .  .

okey . . . she lives at her moms with 4 kids and our dog and i just thought . . . what!

this makes no sense!

i mean i can understand her wanting to finish her education and all that... .but i´m not really sure she´s looking at the big picture here.

who is going to take care of everything around the kids when she´s in a full time school.

I did it last 4 years. . .  but things are changing ( by her choice. . if i may ad )

i´m just. . .what!   this makes no sense! 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Bushido]

and another thing... .

she asked me to " babysit" the dog today while she and the kids went to a birthdayparty.

so i said " sure i can do that "

so she picked me up at work, had the kids with her and all that...

no problems. . . good comunication. . .you know . . just. . .normal!

but then late in the evening when she came to pick up the dog then she was like really in a hurry and i really had a sense that she didn´t

feel very comfortable around me when we were alone ... .

it was like . . get the dog . . take a few kids stuff. . .and run out again.

i mean what is that? what is she avoiding? she really doesn´t seem very calm when she acts like that.

i don´t know. .

[livednlearned]

If she is about to start full time school, it could mean that you have the kids more often, when it's convenient for her.

Are you ok with that?

Keeping yourself busy is understandable because you don't want to feel the full effect of what is happening. I can understand! Be careful, though, about stuffing your feelings. They have a tendency to build up and make a real mess, in my experience. Lean into them and let yourself grief until the feelings feel truly resolved.

One of the engines of anger is unresolved primary emotions, like sadness, fear, loneliness, grief  :'( 

It is much easier to coparent with someone who has BPD traits when you yourself are able to feel centered. You will feel less triggered, for one. And you will find it easier to be the emotional leader, knowing that she struggles to resolve her negative feelings.

LnL

[Bushido]

If she is about to start full time school, it could mean that you have the kids more often, when it's convenient for her.

Are you ok with that?

Right now. . . i´m just not ok... .but i will be!

[Bushido]

If she is about to start full time school, it could mean that you have the kids more often, when it's convenient for her.

Are you ok with that?

Right now. . . i´m just not ok... .but i will be!

allright. . . feeling a bit better now. . .took a sick day ... .and was sick actually and literally felt like crap!

well ... .after being a sleep most of the day then i´m feeling just okey...

regarding that... .

"when it's convenient for her. " comment ...

i´m i okey with it?

well... .yes and no...

yes... .as in i´m very used to it because she is very self centered (in a way that she doesn´t know it, it´s like some kind of a blind spot effect ) and most of the time things like that end up on my duty list.

No... .as in would i like things to be different . . . yes!... .But trying to make a change in a other persons behavior and how they make their life choices . . . well . . . that is not up to me.

But i am no stringpuppy . . . and she will find that out if she tries to go that far...

we will see...

[Bushido]

well . . . tomorrow is the day. . . divorce is suppose to be signed.

lets just hope my wife doesnt keep up those threats like to day...

i mean really !

who in the hell starts a fight and threats this and that if one does not just jump up and down and say . . .yes . . yes . . YES . . .YES

i´ll do and sign everything you want my dear . .!

Come on! what the hell is she thinking!

Threats me that this will be a war if i dont just agree with everything!

and that via TEXTING!

who the hell threats that if i don´t do so and so than this is going to court and the gloves are of...

via TEXTING!

yeah . . that´s gona look really good for her in court when i show them a text from her declaring  a war if i don´t just obey !

what the f... .is she thinking ?

anyway. . . wish me luck . . .

and i´ll let you guys know how it goes ...

and thanks for everything

[Bushido]

hi . . thank you all for your help...

But since my stbexBPS has found her self a replacement. . .then i need to move to

the ":)etaching from the Wounds of a failed BPD Relationship" forum.

18 years together

and it didn´t take 2 weeks for her to find a new one...

yeah  . . . that makes one feel really good...

This relationship is done...

for good!

[Bushido]

a dialog from yesterday...    ( you may need to read my other posts to understand the hole story )

04/26/2016

Hi...

You must really tell me how you see this.

Yes ... .We are going to divorce...

Yes ... .you moved out...

It is difficult to say that this is your home when you do not live here.

But you are the partowner of it with me. . . until I buy you out.

all I'm trying to do is find a solution that works for everybody ...

I have to be at work as much as I can this summer. . and in the meantime the apartment empty.

You get my point ...

Yes I know. you want me to be "at home" in the summer?

I'm just trying to find a solution through cooperation tho we are going our way.

We are, and always will be a family and these circumstances require to do things  differently than most people I guess ...

We are in a financial crap situation that limits good options.

We can either work  us through this section jointly by going a unusual way. . .Or you´ll be stuck at your parents house all summer. . . with all the kids!

Let's just meet the "coffee" and discuss this how it sounds?



We should do that ...

... cos I do not think like most people.

sure... .it would be very convenient to sell just our apartment and start everything fresh again.

But it is certainly not the best I can do for my children in this bad situation.

I just hope that even tho we are finished. . . . . thet we can work together as much as possible ... .for the kids.

"Coffee" is a good idea ...

If you have any better ideas or have anything other in mind

Then do tell ...

No it was always what I envisioned. Just thought you didn´t want that

Think in solutions.

Despite sh... conditions.

---------------------------------------------

[Bushido]

and just to clearify . .

ME

SHE

ME

SHE

ME

okey ...    

[livednlearned]

Are you offering her to stay at the apartment over the summer?

Where will you live?

[Bushido]

Are you offering her to stay at the apartment over the summer?

Where will you live?

Yes...

It's the only way so the kids can be home and with friends during sumervecation.

And i can work like a racehorse. . so that we can possibly keep our home.

I will figure something out. .   i always do.

[livednlearned]

It's also ok to not always feel like the strong one who holds everything together. 

I hope you are taking care of yourself through this difficult time, feeling the grief and processing it.

LnL

[Bushido]

It's also ok to not always feel like the strong one who holds everything together. 

I hope you are taking care of yourself through this difficult time, feeling the grief and processing it.

LnL

thanks...

the only way i can (or know how) to "take care of my self" is by doing what has to be done... .

i have a responsibility. . . and there is nothing more important then my kids.

This is hard on them already. . . But i must insure (at least try) that my kids can be with there friends.

if i have to leave the house to do that. . . than that is what i will do.

[Bushido]

this is what she sent me. . . .

----------------------------------

"I now have had this quote for a about a year or since what happend with T. It has always had a very deep impression on me and touched me deeply.

Now, i feel  I'm i ready to send it you, but I never found the right time and the right conditions. But they are now."

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/193865958931250117/

------------------------------------

i mean . . . what kind of a mind game is that !

she´s not that to much hurt . . . since she found her self a new guy!

[Bushido]

or is it like so many times before . . .

this is my fault . . . because i can´t forgive... .

i´ve heard that many times before!

[Bushido]

what is it called when a BPD is so unable to take responsibility that a dialog goes like this...



ME:  (Sent her a pic of our daughter in a very emosional mood)

SHE: oww. . . she just isn´t feeling very well

ME:  She is not the only one...

SHE:   no, WE are all wounded, how are the other kids?

[livednlearned]

What was the purpose of sending the emotional text of your D?

[Bushido]

What was the purpose of sending the emotional text of your D?

my wife asked . . " shouldn´t you be at work right now?"

and i just answerd with a picture and the text " yes . but someone is being a bit rebellious "

no purpose. . just an answer with a picture