Really dropping into depression

[JerryRG]

Thinking how my exBPDgf could lie about me raping her when I saved her life, she overdosed and I called 911. I knew she was sick but this is so unreal. She never mentioned this to me in the past so I don't know where she dreamed it up.

I can feel my mood falling into the floor, I know I will be ok and being around her was pure hell, I was nc until she got our son back.

People telling me she's only keeping our son to torment me. Can anyone really be that sick? I've never dreamed of anyone so horrible.

She did say she was raped by 5 different guys in the past, again I never seen any real evidence. I know how much danger I put myself in just being around her. Now she says she's changed, she's a new person and happy.

If she were new would she make these crazy claims to get people to feel sorry for her? Would she tell me she's giving our son up for adoption and yet refuse to sigh rights over to me?

I don't see any change, she's still doing the same things she did with me and her last bf and her ex husband.

Can pwBPD change?

I hate to leave my son with her, he cried so hard when he knew he was going back to her. Is she a demon? Possessed with evil?

[LingeringNoMore]

Wow Jerry Rg - That is Brutal!  Illigitimi non carborundum.  I hope you are taking care of yourself - actually your post is evidence that you are.  You are strong and can be a protective factor in your boy's life. 

These people are sick f*(ks.

[warhar]

Hey Jerry - your use of the terms ':)emon' and 'Evil' struck a chord with me.

They are terms I've used myself when the psychological equivalent seem too mild, too caring and just too damned understanding with regards to the amount of trouble BPDs are capable of - and seem to take pleasure in - creating

Coming from a Christian background I find that the ':)emonic' connotation is very useful to me in maintaining NC. (All those stories and cautions about avoiding Satan and his minions!)

I have no advice for you, all I can do is extend heartfelt support. We are all on similar roads. Be strong, keep it cool, you will make it through.

God bless you.

[JerryRG]

Thank you

I am at a loss especially when she says she's now a Christian and saved, she says when she was with me the devil had her blocked. Do Christians lie about people and slander them?

I can't imagine anything more serious than claiming I raped her.

One thing that did enter my mind, I grew up in horrible abuse, both emotional and sexual and I'm thinking when I was a child I could not see or understand why people who were suppose to protect me, abuse me and harm me. Maybe the same dynamic is working here? I know the facts about my exBPDgf but on some level I will not except them?

I do not understand how I continually placed myself in serious danger to be with her yet I found myself doing just that.

I also feel this relationship was an addiction.

Strange and facinating and very frightning

[JerryRG]

Just spoke with my pastor and he said she's just pushing my buttons to hurt me, why she wants to hurt me when wounding me defeats my ability to properly care for my son.

Her bf said she's getting well so why can't she take care of him and not threaten to give him to a family? She's healthy and well so step up and take care of your son.

Threats and manipulation is all they know, She thinks I want to be around her after telling people I raped her and took advantage of her? Seriously? She is doing everything to sabotage my relationship with my son and expects me to comply to her demands that I take her abuse and lies?

In the past she accused me of stalking her, stealing her internet, cheating, slashing her tires, stealing her stuff, all of which was completely untrue. She just cannot live in reality.

My son wants to be with me, he needs a stable safe environment and she is out of her mind.

God help us!

[steelwork]

I'm so sorry about all this, Jerry. I don't have kids and know nothing about custody. Is there a custodial agreement? How is it that your son's living situation is being set?

Your pastor sounds like a level-headed person. Glad you have him as a resource. You have so much going on. Do you have other sources of support?

Maybe the best way to think of her actions is as manifestations of a thought disorder? Seems to me that Christians and non-Christians alike behave in all kinds of un-Christian ways as it suits them or as a result of their personal limitations.

[JerryRG]

Thanks steelwork

I have church, AA, Alanon, family, friends and therapist and my faith so I'm in a good spot to deal with this chaos.

I just got home from meeting with the pastor of the church my ex attends to clear up any of my exs crazy accusations, the pastor assured me he is well aware of her mental state and the she need more professional care then they are able to provide.

He monitors her fb status and just last week she posted that she was going to take a dirt nap. Another suicide gesture.

Her new bf has serious issues of codependency and alcohol and legal issues so same old story of BPD relationships, they have warned him to stay away but he will have to find out on his own.

He asked me to document everything she does and says and report the suicide threat to CP.

This has been a nightmare for my son, I hope she realizes that he and I are not pawns for her to play and that he needs and wants me. She is so unstable that maybe shes unaware?

I so appreciate all your kind words and concern, this site is truly a blessing.

[JerryRG]

Sent this to my exBPDgf mother and brother just so they are aware of the current situation. I didn't consult my sponsor and I'm sure he would deeply disprove but I felt I should defend myself and show them I'm well aware of exgf behaviours and motivations, and her mental issues.


This is JerryRG,

Mother is telling her bf that I raped her and took advantage of her. She's doing the same thing to him she did to me, saying ex husand beat her up, forces sex, pushed her down a flight of stairs.

I will not be around her for this reason, she's building yet another relationship on lies and self pity. I cannot stop her from hurting me or our son or anyone else.

Just wanted you to know she hasn't changed one bit and she will continue to destroy everyone in her path. Borderline Personality with Narcissistic and Socialpathic traits.

If you ever wish to discuss things with me feel free to text me.

As for our son, after last weekend I had him and had to literally drag him kicking and screaming all the way to mother, I recorded his behaviour so you don't have to listen to my word alone.

When I got to mothers he clung to me with all his strength.

Later on mothers bf text me with the rape eligation and telling me everyone is angry with me, I told him mother claims to now 6 rapes by 6 different individuals and he was going to suffer our fate.

He won't listen anymore than I did at first.

He like me and all the others in her path will have to experience before believing.

I am forced back into No Contact until mother gets help, I will not be around someone who behaves so dangerously.

[WoundedBibi]

Just spoke with my pastor and he said she's just pushing my buttons to hurt me, why she wants to hurt me when wounding me defeats my ability to properly care for my son.

She wants/needs to hurt you because she is mentally ill. That takes precedent over thinking logically, or thinking 2 steps ahead, like if a hurt Jerry can take care of your son.

Her bf said she's getting well so why can't she take care of him and not threaten to give him to a family? She's healthy and well so step up and take care of your son.

She is not healthy and well she's mentally ill.

Threats and manipulation is all they know, She thinks I want to be around her after telling people I raped her and took advantage of her? Seriously? She is doing everything to sabotage my relationship with my son and expects me to comply to her demands that I take her abuse and lies?

She's mentally ill. She does what her feelings tell her to do. She doesn't put any thought into it.

In the past she accused me of stalking her, stealing her internet, cheating, slashing her tires, stealing her stuff, all of which was completely untrue. She just cannot live in reality.

She doesn't live in reality. She is mentally ill.

My son wants to be with me, he needs a stable safe environment and she is out of her mind.

God help us!

You need to help you Jerry.

Listen to your pastor. Record everything so you can get sole custody of your boy.

[WoundedBibi]

This has been a nightmare for my son, I hope she realizes that he and I are not pawns for her to play and that he needs and wants me. She is so unstable that maybe shes unaware?

There are no maybes about it. She does not realize anything Jerry. She is mentally ill. You need to realize that.

[JerryRG]

Thank you WoundedBibi

Not sure why I always forget the most important fact of this whole situation, yes indeed my ex is MENTALLY ILL!

I do need to put this fact front and foremost in my thoughts, actions, interactions with her.

Thanks again, this gives me a great deal of comfort and understanding. Everyone I know tells me she's extremely mentally ill, eventually it will sink into my being and acceptance will bring peace.

[LingeringNoMore]

The "dirt nap" needs to be reported to child protective services.  Protect your boy.  He needs you desperately or he will be the next generation of BPDs.  I pray that things resolve for you in a good way and that your son is loved and safe.

LMN

[JerryRG]

Hello LingeringNoMore

I reported this to our local police along with her claim I assaulted her, the officer said he recognized her name and they get lots of calls regarding her comments on fb.

I will call Child Protection again, I've called them at least a dozen times over the last year.

Thank you, I will keep reporting her.