Do they single us out for the chaos?

[AG]

Havent been on here a while but do check in here and there for a post that catches my eye. Ive been absolutely no contact at all since last August 2015. That was around the time of the last recycle. Today I took a peak at my ex BPDgf facebook. I saw new friends. Back in August she had none because all her friends left at the same time... .They left because... .Well I dont even think I need to explain why Ill just say BPD happened. Why I thought of this is that I was pondering if myself and her old friends were somehow singled out for her antics and plain piss poor treatment. Like how the f does she do certain things to her close friends and me who was even closer but others can be so kind. I do not know why the hell this even is something in my thoughts but it is. I mean do they single us out for these abusive,raging, lying behaviour. I feel like how could these people not immediately back away? Its baffling and for some reason makes me doubt myself. I know facebook aka fakebook isnt truly reality and people put theyre best foot foward when posting things. However I cannot stop thinking of these thoughts today for some reason. Feel like I took leaps and bounds backwards with these thoughts even popping up with so mucg time expired.

[GreenEyedMonster]

I doubt it.  A calculated plan of manipulation is more consistent with something like NPD or AsPD.  pwBPD, on the other hand, believe that the next relationship they have is going to be the PERFECT one and that this person will finally accept them for who they are and not cause all of those problems.  The endgame of devaluing and discarding isn't in sight when they first meet you.  If they manipulate you, it is more out of fear or a sense of being in an immediate personal crisis.

[C.Stein]

It can be easy to feel like you are being singled out, especially when your ex has such contrasting personalities.  The people that a borderline gets emotionally close too are in a way "singled out", but not intentionally.  I know it is hard to not take it personally because it feels VERY personal.  Be reassured you were not singled out anymore than any other person that has gotten emotionally close to her.

[AwakenedOne]

Hi AG,

I think we were singled out more to be the one who would save them. That's why we were called stuff like "the white knight" and "the prince on the horse" blah blah blah etc... .

I understand the urge to look at FB. I have a bit of a temptation to check my ex's FB. I don't think I will ever do it though. Has she begun having her dream babies yet or even is she alive or dead? I hope she doesn't bring a kid into this world along side of her disordered family. It's disturbing imagining her with kids. I wonder whether that's a bad thing though to hope that the babies don't happen? I guess who cares about any of it is being more dettached though.

[blissful_camper]

I'd also offer that we are singled out to 'save' and within that 'fantasy' the pwBPD reinforces their own belief that external events/persons/exes are the source of their problems, not the disorder. In my experience he seemed partly driven to 'prove' to himself that his issues weren't destroying his relationships.

[GoingBack2OC]

Havent been on here a while but do check in here and there for a post that catches my eye. Ive been absolutely no contact at all since last August 2015. That was around the time of the last recycle. Today I took a peak at my ex BPDgf facebook. I saw new friends. Back in August she had none because all her friends left at the same time... .They left because... .Well I dont even think I need to explain why Ill just say BPD happened. Why I thought of this is that I was pondering if myself and her old friends were somehow singled out for her antics and plain piss poor treatment. Like how the f does she do certain things to her close friends and me who was even closer but others can be so kind. I do not know why the hell this even is something in my thoughts but it is. I mean do they single us out for these abusive,raging, lying behaviour. I feel like how could these people not immediately back away? Its baffling and for some reason makes me doubt myself. I know facebook aka fakebook isnt truly reality and people put theyre best foot foward when posting things. However I cannot stop thinking of these thoughts today for some reason. Feel like I took leaps and bounds backwards with these thoughts even popping up with so mucg time expired.

I can't say I felt singled out, but I will say I was likely easy prey. I was in a 4 year relationship which ended 7 months prior to my exgfBPD and I meeting. I take a long time after a relationship to honestly feel ready to date again. I go through a long period where I no longer want them (which I am starting to feel come on now, where I don't care anymore. It's not worth it. It's never going to work and I'm falling quickly out of love). But at the same time I also want no one else.

I may have started dating too soon last time, as a result of hearing how my back then ex had a new guy... .I kinda jumped into the scene, maybe to early, I wanted to not be the one who was still alone. This, perhaps, relates to being singled out. Perhaps I sent signals, not intentionally, tried to hard, pushed to fast towards "us" being a "couple". Subconsciously then, but in hindsight... .

[Mutt]

AG,

Like how the f does she do certain things to her close friends and me who was even closer but others can be so kind.

A pwBPD split people that they care about most.

[MapleBob]

AG,

Like how the f does she do certain things to her close friends and me who was even closer but others can be so kind.

A pwBPD split people that they care about most.

... .and they're perfectly willing (subconsciously) to sabotage those relationships rather than be vulnerable in any way.

[WoundedBibi]

I was singled out, or chosen, because at that moment in time I was weak.

We had worked together for months but not really actively. I had noticed he was handsome and sometimes the troubled brooding misunderstood type I normally go for but I steered clear. I was busy with, well... .not a relationship as such but an emotional involvement with a guy with full blown BPD with some psychosis mixed in or schizotypical stuff (hearing people crawling under his house in the night). It left me very vulnerable on the verge of a breakdown and then I had a week of training together with ex and 'all of a sudden' he noticed me.

As I later understood before then he found my communication very to the point "this is the way it is going to be" and that scared him off.

So I ran from a pwBPD right into the arms of a pwBPD. Two weeks in between. I just didn't make the link because #1 behaved more schizophrenic as I then thought, I had not brushed up on my BPD knowledge (looked into a little years before because of my misbehaving out of control cousin but forgotten after going NC before I knew what NC was) and #2 behaved all soft and tender and sensitive and funny.

But that doesn't mean I was the only one involved in his drama of course.

After he pursued me for weeks and weeks I was about to cave in. I was at work and he wasn't. I was in his part of the building. I turned around and in 1 glance I saw the girl from his team HR had accused him of having sex with, the girl from his team HR had asked him if he had had sex with, the girl from another team that had been on my case for weeks giving me the death stare as it was obvious he was into me and she wanted him, and another girl who had some kind of role (don't remember now which) and I remember literally thinking "are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want this man? There is always drama surrounding him"

It was my gut. And I should have listened.

[WoundedBibi]

I should write a bl**dy soap serie about this. We all could. We could write one together  and get stinking rich! Or make this a real well kept site... One problem: nobody would want to produce it as it is too far removed from real life to be believable 

[JerryRG]

LOL WoundedBibi

Fact is stranger than fiction, one of my favorites is Aliens do exist!

I'm silly I know but dang, years of stress, chaos and drama? I need to catch up on a few laughs.