So, on Saturday I happened to be in the city of my ex (we live 250km apart), since I went to the birthday
of a friend of mine who lives there (and who is completely unrelated to my ex).
This friend happens to live 100 meters away from my ex's place; before reaching my friend's place,
I stop by a bar nearby, since I wanted to buy some chewing-gums. I enter the bar, pick up the chewing-gums and... .
guess who calls me from behind? My ex. I was in complete shock (and her as well).
She was there, relaxing and drinking a cocktail after a day of work. She materialized after 13+ months of NC (if
you're interested, you can read my story here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=274152.msg12598157#msg12598157).
Anyway, few seconds pass and my ex tells me "sit here with me, let's talk!", in a very polite
and happy way; I nod, smiling, and reach her at the table. The first thing I observe very
carefully is her face and her body-language: everything tells me that she's very happy to
see me after such a long time; it seems she painted me white again, somehow. Mind that she proclaimed
herself a "cut-off" type in the past.
Anyway, we start talking about our lives since the NC started: I tell her about my work and all my
work trips around the world during the latest year; she tells me about the
3 jobs she changed when we broke up (obvioulsy, it was always NOT her fault... .she always
has to do the victim and appear the most competent person in the world). She also
makes 2-3 quick references about my replacement, without naming him by name directly... .she just tells
me he's an "ex" now. I didn't investigate the matter, since I didn't want to appear interested in her
(i.e., be a narcissistic supply), but it seems that the break-up is very recent (or on-going, she gave me very few details).
Our conversation ends with a "boom", that is, she asks me to blow off my friend's birthday and spend
with her the evening; I politely refuse, with a smile, since I was committed to go to my friend's
birthday. So, we greet each other, and she asks me to come by to her work-place in the following day,
before going back to my city. I accept.
Overall, we had a very pleasant 40 minutes talk; I have to say that I was very happy in the end, since I've
seized the (completely unexpected) opportunity to have some kind of further closure and remain on good terms with her.
During the conversation I was quite hyper-vigilant about her body-language and her words; in general,
I noticed the following things:
- She still possess this "HPD" charming body-language and way of talking.
- She seemed truly happy to see me again, especially given the fact that all of this happened completely by accident.
- From her facial expressions I noticed, somehow, some sort of melancholy when making references about our past togheter.
- She didn't apologize in any way for the horrible way she treated me towards and after the end of our relationship. In truth, she didn't make any reference about it (and neither I did).
- The dynamics through which she lives her life didn't seem to have changed a bit: she changed three jobs and my
replacement became an ex (or he's close to become an ex). It seems that she always has to play the "victim".
- When she asked me to spend the evening with her, it seemed to me the usual "rash", impulsive decision.
So, the following day came: I went to her work-place. Mind that she works in a very little restaurant,
and they had a lot of work to do in that moment. As a consequence, she didn't have much time to spend with me.
Also, she seemed colder with respect to the previous day, yet she was still kind. After about 1 hour, during which
we had some time to exchange some words, we greeted each other and both said "see you".
So, what do you think about it guys? I'm happy that things went as it went, it was a pleasant conversation and it seems
we remained on good terms. Yet, I have to recognize that she didn't change a bit the dynamics through which she lives
her life, hence I really don't know if it's worth trying to establish a friendship and make some contact with her again in the
future. For sure I'm not interested in having a relationship with her again, given all the knowledge I have now... .and considering I'm dating a wonderful girl at the moment. Howewer, I know that, deep down, she's not evil. That's quite a conundrum for me.
