Hi, adult child of BPD mom

[Depression = 72% of members]

   I'm a mid 30s male who had an easy life so far with the exception of the effects my BPD mom has had on me I'm continuing to discover.

Left me with a distorted view of relationships. Meaning friends and lovers are about fun; I was modeled differently. Must have gotten the message friendship is about helping somebody wade through difficult waters (basically codependent?) . While simultaneously feeling hypervigilant to never dump on my friends with my own problems.

Thus, I see people loving friends having fun... sometimes I can get there. But my subconscious seems to believe relationships should feel heavier than that.

I came here to:  hopefully find my way to relate to others from more of a distance.  Given my natural gifts (compassionate and intuitive) and my nurture (exploited by my mother as a therapist when parents divorced in 2nd grade)...   it's hard to see people's struggles and let them be THEIRs.

Additionally to help reframe how I relate to her now. She's not severely or overtly abusive.  SHE HAS AN UNCANNY ABILITY TO TUNE OUT, INTERRUPT, OR CHANGE THE SUBJECT (back to her) ANYTIME I GET TO TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING MOST DEAR TO ME.  I suppose all the neglect as a child, paired with my adult awareness of how rude her behavior can be, and I've taken to straight up yelling at her well thought out rants about how it's not loving to treat me this way.

That and... .though never overtly sexual, she always wants to get up in my space and might touch my arm as she walks by. Makes me furious. 

Sorry so long, but I wanted to sum it up.

Tl;dr:  wish I could develop a normal pattern of relating...   and my BPD mom continues to disrespect and neglect me emotionally, which makes me want to hate her sometimes even though she has many likable qualities and truly loves me.

Anybody?

[Ardy45]

   I'm a mid 30s male who had an easy life so far with the exception of the effects my BPD mom has had on me I'm continuing to discover.

Left me with a distorted view of relationships. Meaning friends and lovers are about fun; I was modeled differently. Must have gotten the message friendship is about helping somebody wade through difficult waters (basically codependent?) . While simultaneously feeling hypervigilant to never dump on my friends with my own problems.

Thus, I see people loving friends having fun... sometimes I can get there. But my subconscious seems to believe relationships should feel heavier than that.

I came here to:  hopefully find my way to relate to others from more of a distance.  Given my natural gifts (compassionate and intuitive) and my nurture (exploited by my mother as a therapist when parents divorced in 2nd grade)...   it's hard to see people's struggles and let them be THEIRs.

Additionally to help reframe how I relate to her now. She's not severely or overtly abusive.  SHE HAS AN UNCANNY ABILITY TO TUNE OUT, INTERRUPT, OR CHANGE THE SUBJECT (back to her) ANYTIME I GET TO TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING MOST DEAR TO ME.  I suppose all the neglect as a child, paired with my adult awareness of how rude her behavior can be, and I've taken to straight up yelling at her well thought out rants about how it's not loving to treat me this way.

That and... .though never overtly sexual, she always wants to get up in my space and might touch my arm as she walks by. Makes me furious. 

Sorry so long, but I wanted to sum it up.

Tl;dr:  wish I could develop a normal pattern of relating...   and my BPD mom continues to disrespect and neglect me emotionally, which makes me want to hate her sometimes even though she has many likable qualities and truly loves me.

Anybody?

[Rock Chick]

The BPD in my life is my bf's mom. She always finds ways to make things about her and she thinks everyone should give her what she wants and i think she feels entitled etc. She also I think is mentally stunted but i hear BPDs can act or revert to childlikness or something i forget the term. She is also inappropriate at times towards her son. He tells her to stop and that he is not okay with whatever she said or if she tried to grab at him or touches him. From what I read I think someone on here said its emotional enmeshment and like spousalfication/parentification of adult child. If you look on this site you can find posts and web links. Bpd in my life also doesnt respect boundaries, gets into everyones business and is emotionally mentally abusive towards us esp. my bf. Sorry rambling on just few things said could relate and wanted to comment. Welcome to the forum.

[Turkish]

It sounds like she's sending you mixed signals. Verbally and emotionally, she's been invalidating; yet, touching is intimacy. Do you view that on some level as all about her needs? If not that, then a mixed signal which is confusing?