Feeling worthless

[Chelsea 69]

Hi I don't no where to start other than I'm a wreck we have been broke up for six months now but for five of them I done  nowt but begged to be taken back ... .I no in my heart if we did try again this would only happen again. ... I gave her the tools to control me which only played into her hand ... I'm made to feel worthless  I've been blamed for walking away from her daughter whichI've got all txts where I've begged to let me see her so now I'm made out to be a monster to her family and friends which I'm finding very hard to take on board  the girl I met is not this girl now I feel a fool to be taken in by the act ... .feeling lost

[SoMadSoSad]

Does she have a replacement?

[Chelsea 69]

On many occasions she has said she is seeing someone. .then the next minute she will say she is not ... think it's all part of making sure I suffer long after the split up  ...  

[SoMadSoSad]

Yea well my ex BPD has new/better friends for her and her new replacement is an upgrade from me. I haven't heard from her for a while now so I guess she is having fun with replacement while I'm still struggling with the fact of how she replaced me so easily and fast. In right there with you on feeling worthless. I no doubt know that their relationship will last year's because of her new "family"/support group. I wonder all the time of she is actually BPD or if I was just some filler she dated till she found The One.

[Caley]

Hello Chelsea,

I can totally relate to your feelings.

It might not give you much in the way of solace but, given some space away from her, things will fall into place and make sense.

For the time being try to resist reacting to any feelings that arise. Your head is a mess and your emotions are rampant.

There is a space within you that is untroubled by all that has happened ... try, quietly, to find it ... it is there.

Try to put yourself beyond her reach ... for the time being. You need some rest and respite. This is going to be a battle and you need to recover some strength. You can recover that strength through non-engagement ... for a little while.

You are not worthless.

You are only accountable for your own actions and reactions.

If you feel she is playing emotional games ... then she most likely is. You can decide, whether or not, you want to play them.

She is painting you to be the monster because that takes the spotlight off her behaviour ... which would be viewed by many in a negative light. She needs to do this because she has lost control and fears being exposed. It is easier to get people to look at your faults than to admit hers. It sticks in the throat and you will drive yourself bonkers ... but this is not about you and you will understand, eventually, it is not a 'personal' attack against your character. She has done this before and will do it again. It is her way. It hurts ... but it's true.

Come here ... read ... write ... share ... and be with people that have a shared experience and can relate.

You are not a fool ... you were perhaps duped but not for the reasons you suspect ... it goes deeper than that.

We're all here with you for chinks and repairs.

Best regards,

Caley.

[Chelsea 69]

Thank you all for  the replys I no none contact is the way forward. But it's made a little harder as we also have a 5 year old son who I get to see once  a week as long as I play by her rules... now  I'm so glad I've found this place I'm going to read and use the information I get off here to build myself back up