An early mother's day card for you all

[claudiaduffy]

I saw this today and thought of all of us.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/262944876/raising-yourself-card-mothers-day-card

My uBPDmom was killed in January, and the reality of it is still not quite solidified in my mind. I had gotten a mother's day coupon from my local fabric store and experienced that inward yank of pain and irritation that I always got when remembering that The Day was coming up and I had to decide what exactly to try to do to express appreciation for my mom despite her toxicity. The fact that I don't have to do that anymore is a little surreal. BUT ANYWAY. For me, for all of you, Happy You Survived Despite Your Mother month!

[HappyChappy]

Hi claudiaduffy,

I’m so sorry for your loss, days like today must be difficult for you. Love the link it is very apt, it is for us kids of BPD. How are you managing in general since January ?

[claudiaduffy]

Hey, HappyChappy,

Thanks for the sympathy. For me, the loss is a positive one, not a negative one. It's a really weird feeling, because it IS still a loss - but it's a loss that brings peace instead of hurt. I am doing well, but experiencing moments more frequently than I expected where I realize that it is going to take a long time to get used to her being gone.

A couple of days after she died, my dad and I were talking on the phone. He told me he had a sense of freedom - not from my mom, but from the always-constant feeling of her neediness and disapproval that had been like a shadow over all of us, even though none of us lived with her anymore. All he had left, and all I have left, is the sense that she is no longer able to hurt us and, furthermore, is no longer hurting herself. That feeling has continued, and this will be the first Mother's Day since I was a very young child that I will approach with joy instead of dread.

[Kwamina]

Thanks for the card claudiaduffy  I have always found Mother's Day a very tough day with strong conflicting emotions.

I am doing well, but experiencing moments more frequently than I expected where I realize that it is going to take a long time to get used to her being gone.

I can imagine that on an emotional and mental level, your mother might still have been a huge part of your live so I can understand that getting used to her not being around anymore will take time. Though you did your best to shield yourself from the problems your mother had, it was probably still always at the back of your mind and something that perhaps always caused you to be on guard a bit. As unpleasant as her behavior might have been, this was still what you were used to and now you need to get used to a new reality.

Your mother's struggle is now over. I do find it sad that she lived her life the way she did as a result of her disorder and that things ended in such a tragic manner. It is what it is though.

Wishing you strength, peace and joy as you transition into this new phase of your life

[unicorn2014]

My mother thought I wouldn't make it to my 18th birthday but it never occurred to me that she was the greatest threat to my survival. Having a daughter who engages in some high risk behavior I too have had to face the thought she could die however I know it would not be because of something I did or didn't do. I can acknowledge  Mother's Day with no problem, not because I have a warm feeling towards my mom because doing so is the standard I wish to live by. I've forgiven my mother because I know she didn't do enough  to heal from her own childhood and therefore perpetuated the family dysfunction by how she parented me.

[busybee1116]

I LOVE that card! Why is it so hard to find a card that just says "It's Mother's Day!" I'm sending you this card out of FOG, in honor of the fact you did bring me into this world and I'm grateful for my life. It's getting easier for me mainly because she now lives states away and sending a card is now enough. When she lived closer, it was expected that we make a big deal out of the day and spend it together 

[Forever to Roam]

Thanks for linking that card, it is perfect!

We are all in this together, you are not alone. I am glad you can start looking at Mother's Day without dread.