Triggered.. it's his birthday today.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all.  It's been about 3 months since the discard.  I relapsed after he contacted me a few weeks ago but we have faded back into no-contact after he was cruel and totally indifferent to me last time we spoke.  It's almost as if I never existed to him.

Anyway, I am triggered because today is his birthday.  I am not going to reach out, because I know he wouldn't respond and that would make me feel worse.

To make matters worse,  I went to a party this weekend and ran into his ex-girlfriend (whom he was obsessed with our entire relationship), her new boyfriend (who used to be his best friend), and one other friend that no longer speaks to him.  He has burned a lot of bridges.  I know them and they know me because they all play in the same orchestra as he does and I used to go to all of their concerts.  It was horribly awkward... .these people never particularly liked me.  They did not even know he and I broke up (guess he didn't tell anyone).  I never thought I'd see these people again and I was shocked that they were at this event.  It's like I can't escape him.  I'm feeling awful and don't know how to get him off my mind.

[whispy90]

Hi all.  It's been about 3 months since the discard.  I relapsed after he contacted me a few weeks ago but we have faded back into no-contact after he was cruel and totally indifferent to me last time we spoke.  It's almost as if I never existed to him.

Anyway, I am triggered because today is his birthday.  I am not going to reach out, because I know he wouldn't respond and that would make me feel worse.

To make matters worse,  I went to a party this weekend and ran into his ex-girlfriend (whom he was obsessed with our entire relationship), her new boyfriend (who used to be his best friend), and one other friend that no longer speaks to him.  He has burned a lot of bridges.  I know them and they know me because they all play in the same orchestra as he does and I used to go to all of their concerts.  It was horribly awkward... .these people never particularly liked me.  They did not even know he and I broke up (guess he didn't tell anyone).  I never thought I'd see these people again and I was shocked that they were at this event.  It's like I can't escape him.  I'm feeling awful and don't know how to get him off my mind.

[findingmyselfagain]

Hi whispy,

I can understand how you feel. I've had days where I was just getting through the day. The important thing is to keep moving forward. It does get better over time. NC is your friend. I haven't had any contact with my ex fiancé in almost 4 years. If I saw her anywhere I'd run the other way as fast as I could. Luckily we're a long way from being in the same social circles. She's not the type who likes to get out and socialize or has more than a handful of friends anyway. Hope that you feel better soon!

[steelwork]

Much sympathy to you. My ex's birthday was really tough for me, too. So sad not to be able to wish him a happy one.

[HurtinNW]

I can relate. My ex's birthday is coming up, and same with Mother's Day, and my daughter's B-day. All are going to be profound, sad triggers for me. I have so many awful memories of these days after the idealization. And hopeful memories too.

 

[Peterpan]

His birthday is coming up next week too,  I can't get it or him out of my head either. It was me who ended it for us after a really heartbreaking time and NC for four weeks. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I feel bad for writing some things which he probably thought were cruel, but I did explain why I felt that way and did have  good reason to.

I've been going mad with thoughts of breaking NC to wish him happy birthday and also to wish him well. I know he wouldn't reply but I'm beating myself up because I don't want  HIM to think I didn't care, why do I feel this way? He broke MY heart

I always said I wouldn't be able to be just his friend but now it's killing me not having him in my life and being the one person he'd want to be with that day.

[Ahoy]

His birthday is coming up next week too,  I can't get it or him out of my head either. It was me who ended it for us after a really heartbreaking time and NC for four weeks. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I feel bad for writing some things which he probably thought were cruel, but I did explain why I felt that way and did have  good reason to.

I've been going mad with thoughts of breaking NC to wish him happy birthday and also to wish him well. I know he wouldn't reply but I'm beating myself up because I don't want  HIM to think I didn't care, why do I feel this way? He broke MY heart

I always said I wouldn't be able to be just his friend but now it's killing me not having him in my life and being the one person he'd want to be with that day.

Remember BPD's ONLY look after themselves. They only contact us after a separation when:

1. It's time to recycle (His benefit)

2. He needs something (His benefit)

3. To apologise for everything he did, saying he is now in therapy and wants to be accountable for his actions(Oh yeah hell also just froze over)

Don't feed the narcissistic supply!

I'm equating this recovery as running a marathon. Every time you reach out to him, it's like strapping 10kg's of weights to your belt. You can still run but man on man that weight is going to stack up and it will take you forever to reach that finish line.

Stay strong!

[whispy90]

I caved and sent a short email simply saying happy birthday. Of course he did not respond. My phone number is also still blocked. It makes me physically I'll thinking about all of the awful things he did to me and how he so easily just can pretend I don't even exist anymore.  I really think he is evil,  or soulless. I feel so angry that I had to experience such degrading and devaluing treatment... .even to this day.   I really feel like I have completely lost my ability to ever love again. I feel filled with hatred and rage that he can just be happy, have sex and have fun with my replacement while I wander around like a sad lost puppy.  Why do the bad people always seem to come out on top?