His birthday is coming up next week too, I can't get it or him out of my head either. It was me who ended it for us after a really heartbreaking time and NC for four weeks. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I feel bad for writing some things which he probably thought were cruel, but I did explain why I felt that way and did have good reason to.
I've been going mad with thoughts of breaking NC to wish him happy birthday and also to wish him well. I know he wouldn't reply but I'm beating myself up because I don't want HIM to think I didn't care, why do I feel this way? He broke MY heart
I always said I wouldn't be able to be just his friend but now it's killing me not having him in my life and being the one person he'd want to be with that day.
Remember BPD's ONLY look after themselves. They only contact us after a separation when:
1. It's time to recycle (His benefit)
2. He needs something (His benefit)
3. To apologise for everything he did, saying he is now in therapy and wants to be accountable for his actions(Oh yeah hell also just froze over)
Don't feed the narcissistic supply!
I'm equating this recovery as running a marathon. Every time you reach out to him, it's like strapping 10kg's of weights to your belt. You can still run but man on man that weight is going to stack up and it will take you forever to reach that finish line.
Stay strong!