How do you view your exBPD?

[cherryblossom]

also frustrated that he cannot grasp the concept of having to develop a self he can genuinely be at peace with without looking for external validation

[cherryblossom]

also Jerry BPD -Borderline can mean the border between psychosis and neurosis -some people with BPD do end up on anti psychotic medication -they can suffer with transient stress related psychosis / dissociation

[JerryRG]

I am sorry you're going through this cherryblossom

I can relate all too well, a few days ago I was hating my exgf and a good friend who is very healthy said, really? You've waited this long?

I'm a Christian and hating people is not an option, God knows my heart so I can pretend how I feel but He knows.

I'm am and was far too trusting and I need to be shrewd as a viper and innocent as a dove.

You feel what you feel, someone here said don't deny our emotions whatever they are?

Hope things get better for you cherryblossom

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

I see her as an immature girl that acts 18 still (She is over 30). I used to hate her. Now though. I actually feel sorry for her. Her life is going to be full of drama and betrayal.

I know that eventually I will find a compatible person to be with. She is living a lie of her own self. Either she knows it or not she will always have turmoil in her relationships

[MapleBob]

I'm still very sad about the loss, and I miss her dearly ... .on a good day.

On a bad day, I realize how immature and incapable of true partnership she is. I realize how recklessly selfish and self-centered she is, and how challenging a longer-term relationship with her would have been. I see that she is incapable of accepting that a misunderstanding can just be a misunderstanding and not some bigger indicator of an underlying problem. (She takes nothing lightly, apparently, and makes vast leaps in logic based on her emotions.) And I see that her ex-husband will always be in her life, and that she will freely triangulate everyone else in her life based on him - and that's not what I want. I want a full partner, not someone who is halfway partners with somebody else. While my capacity for forgiveness is very healthy, she has said things to me about me that I can't let slide. It's not that she hurt my pride (although she tried, and admitted to trying!), it's that it's disrespectful to myself to allow her to treat me in these ways - and despite any glorious honeymoon period that we could have in the future, it would inevitably return to this.

It's awful, and it hurts, because the girl I met was not the girl that she really was. THAT girl I would have moved mountains for.

[JerryRG]

I'm at work and reading these post is tough, I'm crying for her, for all of you and for the children who will be brought up into this chain of suffering we here all endured and are fighting so hard to move on and survive.

[Confused108]

I view my ex now as nothing but a sneaky lying individual who will stop at nothing to get what she wants or who she wants. When she is done she throws them away like a piece of trash with no remorse what so ever for what she just did.

Yes!

What's interesting is that from what she has said to me about herself - she views herself as :-

Victim of her exes

People person

Rescuer

Helper

Calm

Hard done by

Let down by her mother (who she hates)

Let down by her father (who she mainly ignores)

My view of her

Wants the best for people, but just can't help looking after number one! (no empathy)

Selfish

Gets what she wants at the expense of or without thinking about anyone else.

Can't see how damaging to herself and others her actions are, seems astonished when her insults / actions hurt me, and always saw herself as acting well. Because of this, always blames others when things go wrong. No self awareness.

Unable to resolve conflicts.

Provocative - to get an emotional reaction. Needs me to be emotionally hyped up, then she can be rescuer/persecutor

One thing that really shook me, was that if I was ever ill or injured she just didn't know what to say or how to react. Almost like she thought it was ok to insult / punish me for having let her down. No empathy I guess.


So to me, I now view her as a 3 yo girl, unable to make sense of the world, and unable to take responsibility for her actions.

YES! Omg same thing with my ex! Everything you just mentioned! Does your ex live in Canada by any chance? Lol! But all kidding aside everything you said same thing with mine! I sometime feel that half if not all the BPDs graduated from the same school!

[Confused108]

I'm at work and reading these post is tough, I'm crying for her, for all of you and for the children who will be brought up into this chain of suffering we here all endured and are fighting so hard to move on and survive.

Hang in there buddy! Your gonna be ok!

[Confused108]

I'm still very sad about the loss, and I miss her dearly ... .on a good day.

On a bad day, I realize how immature and incapable of true partnership she is. I realize how recklessly selfish and self-centered she is, and how challenging a longer-term relationship with her would have been. I see that she is incapable of accepting that a misunderstanding can just be a misunderstanding and not some bigger indicator of an underlying problem. (She takes nothing lightly, apparently, and makes vast leaps in logic based on her emotions.) And I see that her ex-husband will always be in her life, and that she will freely triangulate everyone else in her life based on him - and that's not what I want. I want a full partner, not someone who is halfway partners with somebody else. While my capacity for forgiveness is very healthy, she has said things to me about me that I can't let slide. It's not that she hurt my pride (although she tried, and admitted to trying!), it's that it's disrespectful to myself to allow her to treat me in these ways - and despite any glorious honeymoon period that we could have in the future, it would inevitably return to this.

It's awful, and it hurts, because the girl I met was not the girl that she really was. THAT girl I would have moved mountains for.

I agree with you Bob. Do I miss my ex. Yes very much. But not the woman she has become. I was friends with my ex since 12yo. At 14 we started to date and my mom found out and broke it up. My ex was a wonderful loving caring person. After our breakup she became what she is today. I always loved her. All these years. Now she came back and is worse then when we were teens. I would have died for my ex. It really is sad that they are so blinded to who really loves them . Life goes on... .

[JerryRG]

I agree with you Confused108

My exBPDgf was killing herself when we met, I cried and cried and begged God to allow me to give up my life for her. I knew how she felt but I had to save her (CD).

I told her many times, I died for you 999 times, but God in His wisdom and grace saved me from the last time, He gave me a new life. Now my life is better and I finally have hope, my future is what I make it.

Without my relationship I would have stayed away from AA and Alanon and for this I am grateful. I have to believe God has a sense of humour and I take things way too serious at times. He's always caught me and though my ex tried her best to destroy my self esteem and worth she failed.

I say let the dead burry the dead and we move on

I want to thank everyone for your heartfelt posts, it grounds me in the reality of my exs mental illness.

Hope you all have a great day! I hope your pain diminishes