Intro

[colorfysunshine]

I met N in August of last year. We literally moved in together a month later despite my reservations about it being a little fast. I began noticing her "mood swing" like up and downs before she even moved in though. I am a nurse and I work in psych so I have some familiarity with the symptoms/behaviors she was exhibiting and I immediately thought perhaps bipolar or something of the like. She would have extreme highs and lows, very impulsive spending (like buying a brand new car in November) for no reason other that it was something to do. In November we were engaged. In January she attempted to kill herself. I was the one who found her OD'ed on our bedroom floor. She'd taken over 100 Xanax and 20 or so trazodone. It was while she was hospitalized that myself and a therapist and her doctor connected the dots to the BPD diagnosis. Since January things have been rough. I have always had anxiety and depression but they have increased significantly and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I have nightmares of finding my fiancé dead on my bedroom floor. Because N was off work for close to a month bills piled up and we are still even though it is almost May we are still playing catch up. N is horrible with money and I can't mention anything to her about being more responsible without her automatically going on the defnse. We have a car in collections and I am at trying to get a personal loan so that I can pay off debts, but I am seriously stressing and questioning my sanity as well as my relationship. I love her very much, but I don't know if I can handle her irresponsible spending. I feel like I can't get through to her and I am literally "walking on eggshells" as the one BPD book is called. I do have a couple books about BPD that I've been meaning to read, but I've just been so stressed that I really can't bring myself to read them. Any input would be greatly appreciated... .I feel totally lost

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Kwamina]

Hi colorfysunshine

I am very sorry you are going through this. It is horrible when people we care about try to commit suicide. You were the one that found her which must have been very tough, I can see how this could lead to PTSD.

Are you being treated for your PTSD?

Being in a relationship with a BPD partner can be very challenging and really take it's toll on you. The fact that she has suicidal tendencies makes it even more difficult.

You have some books about BPD but haven't been able to bring yourself to reading them yet. We have some shorter material here that you could read and I encourage you to take a look at it. The resources and lessons in the righ-hand side margin of this message board can be very helpful when you're in a relationship with someone who has BPD. For instance this workshop:

What does it take to be in a relationship with a borderline?

She wasn't able to work for close to a month, did she get any targeted treatment during that time for her suicidal ideation and BPD? is your fiancé currently getting any help for her issues?

We have a thread in which we discuss how to deal with threats of suicide, suicidal ideation and actual suicide attempts of our BPD loved ones:

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily