Pain and doubt can creep in

[bus boy]

It's been a long painful journey recovering from an abusive R/S with a pd person. I can say life I a lot better than it was. I have s9 more, I have my mental health, my insides don't jump when the phone rings, I have my health back, it suffered to the point of near death. After all the hedious forms of abuse I suffered, especially stealth covert emotional abuse, I still doubt my self, the roll I played in the demise of my R/S. I was her first serious committed R/S, she kept her past tightly tucked away, never shared. I have no back reference to go on. All I was told was her past BF's treated her very good and no one ever treated her as horrable as I did. That's a lot to carry. No matter what I did, I was met with some kind of a mean, belittling response. She never said I love you or complemented. Always ram rodding my morales and my character. It is difficult bc on this board I read of the love bombing, although coming from a BPD means nothing, the no affection makes me feel that there was something wrong with me. Ex BPD has no problem showing and expressing affection to s9, or her immediate family. I made mistakes in our R/S but nothing any R/S couldn't recover from. It was an endless supply of demoralizating and belittling. I am not going to go into a log of her deep sinister ways. In the past year I grew a lot also went through heart wrenching pain. Last May ex, s9 and I went away, we slept together, first time in months. I thought ok, if it's going to be like this she is going to have to loosen her grip off of my access to s9. I pushed it, she did a horrid in human thing to me and that was it, I realized after sinking years into trying to show her I was s good person, I had enough. The killer to me was, in no time she had a BF, in no time he was living with her. So it's almost a year for them and they are like two peas in a pod. I guess what hurts is why wasn't I good enough to love. She really seems to have found true love. I knew she would never give her self to me bc even after we were married she got some of her mail at our house in her married name and some of it at her parents house in her madin name. It's like she was only ever half way with me. Always one foot out the door.

[Mutt]

Hi bus boy,



That is good to hear that you are feeling better and past the paralyzing pain, but this probably feels like a set back? Did something happen that triggered these painful feelings?

[bus boy]

I am suffering a big set back. Especially today. I am very depressed today.

I guess the set back is, I was treaded so bad, talked to like a nothing, she went out of her way to make me feel like a nothing, to belittle me all the time. She found someone new and she treats him with respect, like a human. It makes me wonder what was wrong with me? What did I do. I don't have a word to describe her heartless behaviour especially since I took her back to court and was awarded lots of extra time. She's recruiting her BF as well and I feel it's not his business but he seems to be getting more involved. A brutal devalueation and discard and she seems more ruthless than ever.

[Mutt]

That's great that you're being rewarded with extra time. I'm sorry that you're feeling down. Depression is tough. How long have you had depressive symptoms? Here is a link on depressive symptoms.

Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

I can relate with that, my ex had intense anger directed at me when she left me for her boyfriend and he was put on pedestal and couldn't do any wrong and I was devaluated and couldn't do any right. The pendulum swings both ways with splitting, your exe's boyfriend is idealized for now but he will be slowly split back.

Don't be hard on yourself bus boy and blame yourself for the entirety of the relationship, a relationship are transactions between two people, she has her share in the relationship as well.

[bus boy]

I've had depressive symptoms for a long time. I took addavin for a while. I do a lot of deep work with my T. Thank you for the link.

I really wrestle with her ruthlessness, especially when I've done everything to be a good father and she turns ar around and tells family court I'm never there as a part of his life. It must be part of her mental illness, she was preventing access, so I wasn't there and maybe in her mind in a twisted way she's not lying. I wasn't there as a result of her in her mind there is no gray. I wasn't there. Does that make sense?

[bus boy]

You know the pain I feel of being replaced. It was done in a most vile way and when I actually found out it wasn't just one of her no talking to me phases but a new person in her life, I was devastated and the way I found out was through s9. He told me on his bday that mommys new friend was coming to his party. Did your ex new BF get a bit to involved in the affairs between you, your ex and children? My ex's BF seems to be involving himself. I dropped s9 off a little late, I'm never late. And he met s9 at my car and told s9 he was late. I feel that's crossing a line. He's known s9 for 8 months. If I was a dead beat dad than he has the right to step in but I'm a very compentant father. He looks at me like dirt. I see how she's manuplating him. That not the foundation of a true relationship.