remembering my 1st red-flag and my own poor boundaries

[cherryblossom]

3rd dateish -we were having deep discussions about types of people, psychology etc... ,... and he said one of his favorite sayings is "empty vessels make the biggest noise" -he is younger than me and -he reminded me a lot of myself before I had decided to live life with a more compassionate optimistic view of people -but that saying used to be a favorite of mine back in the day -I should have thought there and then -this is a highly negative judgemental person-but it drew me in - it was like I was returning home -but that home was highly dysfunctional and caused me problems -I should have known it would not work in a positive way -I was at a point when I was highly positive and at ease with myself and others-it had taken me years to get there-I felt huge empathy for him . (poor boundaries)

[Fogclearing]

My first red flag was when still long distance with the woman who still seemed like ms Perfect and I visited her in the country she lived in. Her toilet was overflowing because of plumbing problems and she went into a total rage. I mean bummer when that happens, it's annoying but RAGE? And instead of just see the red flag telling me something isn't right with this woman I took upon me to be the hero and the fixer that calmed her down and took care of the bathroom mess. Poor boundaries and hero complex.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey cherry blossom, Who knew?  I ignored a ton of red flags, too, and didn't know what a boundary was.  I took a detour for 13 years until finally separating from my BPDxW (we are now divorced).  I almost destroyed myself and learned the hard way about red flags and boundaries!

LuckyJim

[JerryRG]

One of our earliest conversations went like this "Jerry you don't want nothing to do with me because I will f up your life"

4 years of happy ever after since that first tiny red flag that I ignored. Looking back I had no bounderies either, still learning that people need to share my values or they don't get to be in my list of close friends let alone lovers and partners.

It's just me but I expect honesty, empathy, love, caring, sharing, dignity, hard work, accountibility, respect, just a few things I value.

Great post CB