She has my book and I want it back

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

NC for two months. Her decision, not mine. She told me not to contact her again. Anyway, she still has a book that I let her borrow. Should I request that she mail it back to me? I'm convinced that she's using it as a possible re-engagement ploy down the road.

The book is out of print. I could find another copy for $20 bucks online, but I don't want to spend the money if I don't have to. It's one of my favorite books, too.

[sweet tooth]

NC for two months. Her decision, not mine. She told me not to contact her again. Anyway, she still has a book that I let her borrow. Should I request that she mail it back to me? I'm convinced that she's using it as a possible re-engagement ploy down the road.

The book is out of print. I could find another copy for $20 bucks online, but I don't want to spend the money if I don't have to. It's one of my favorite books, too.

[Fogclearing]

She has my savings. I want them back. 

We will see neither savings or books. This is their way to keep us and have power over us.  The sooner we give it up the better. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey sweet tooth, Is it worth $20 to pull on the tiger's tail?  Concur w/Fogclearing: let it go, which is liberating.  LuckyJim

[Dhand77]

She has like 6 books of mine. I too think they were withheld for eventual re-engagement.

She can keep them. I bought replacements.

[sweet tooth]

She has my savings. I want them back. 

We will see neither savings or books. This is their way to keep us and have power over us.  The sooner we give it up the better. 

Do you mean she WANTS me to beg for my book back?

[sweet tooth]

She has like 6 books of mine. I too think they were withheld for eventual re-engagement.

She can keep them. I bought replacements.

How did that work out? Did she re-engage? Or do you not know because she's blocked from everything? To my knowledge, mine hasn't blocked me from anything. In fact, I think she's keeping tabs on me.

[Fogclearing]

If I ever get my savings back from her I'll buy new books for all of you! 

[cherryblossom]

mine owed me £350 -£50 for virgin bill that came out my account by accident and £300 from deposit -------silent treatment about it when was initially polite about it---- wouldn't respond until I had to literally text bomb him -----anyway £329 was returned to me through deposit refund scheme ---didn't have decency to text me that he had returned it -I let him know he still owes me £21 -but I personally can let that slide! the £350 -that wound me right up---but I know what you mean it's the principle more than anything

[JRT]

Mine kept her engagement ring, garage door opener and an expensive hard drive... .I texted her to get it all back after a year of NC... .she contacted a lawyer and threatened me with a PPO for the effort! Having no other recourse, I filed a small claims case against her... .she hired an attorney to defend her and moved it out of small claims and into general court for trial... .I had to have a lawyer friend help me out: it was an involved process with her and the attorneys and in the end they settled for the sum that I had requested... .

In the end, I received a check but I am certain that she still has the stuff... .especially the ring. I think that they are totems to them or prizes of some sort.

[sweet tooth]

So the general consensus here is that unless she reaches out to me, I'm f***** regarding the book... .and if she DOES reach out to me I will probably be f***** in all other ways... .

Here's the thing, I'm still DEEP in the FOG. I've been betrayed, emotionally abused through silent treatments, given mixed messages, and carelessly discarded. I KNOW this and that my ex-whatever she is has major emotional issues. However, I still care deeply about and deeply miss her. The situation hurts like hell. I never cared about anybody so much. The two months of NC have been hell, and I'm still expecting her to say "Abbracaddaba" and reappear out of nowhere as if nothing happened. I'd take her back in a heart beat because of the emotional reasons I've mentioned and because I'm sick in the head. Either I'm an extraordinarily forgiving person, a complete moron, or both. This sucks... .

[Dhand77]

She has like 6 books of mine. I too think they were withheld for eventual re-engagement.

She can keep them. I bought replacements.

How did that work out? Did she re-engage? Or do you not know because she's blocked from everything? To my knowledge, mine hasn't blocked me from anything. In fact, I think she's keeping tabs on me.

I work in the same building as mine. Today at lunch was the first day I saw her in weeks because I changed my lunch hour. We crossed paths at a red light on opposite street corners, so we HAD to walk by each other. I acted completely normal, and pretended like I didn't even know her. She on the other hand almost stepped into traffic staring at me.

I'm painted soo black it's almost hilarious at this point. But I do think she was surprised that I seemed like my old self, although with some improvements. So yeah, I don't think she'll re-engage just yet.

But, I've got her blocked on everything. So if she wants to re-engage, she'll have to do it person and honestly, I really do think she'll have those kind of balls.

Sweet Tooth: Buddy, I know. In a lot of ways, my brain is still kinda broken about it, but it's getting better. Think of how strong you'll be after this. You're doing great with 2 months no contact. Keep that up. Myself, I went out and bought new clothes and a new haircut. I look and feel different. People tell me how much "brighter and happier" I look and seem. But inside, I STILL feel like I lost "the one", only thanks to this site, I know she WASN'T "the one".

You're doing great. Keep up the no contact. Replace the book. The book gives her power over you. If it's replaced, that's one less thing she has power over and sometimes, we just have to cut our losses. Like half of my Philip K. Dick collection. Lol

[Confused?]

So the general consensus here is that unless she reaches out to me, I'm f***** regarding the book... .and if she DOES reach out to me I will probably be f***** in all other ways... .

Here's the thing, I'm still DEEP in the FOG. I've been betrayed, emotionally abused through silent treatments, given mixed messages, and carelessly discarded. I KNOW this and that my ex-whatever she is has major emotional issues. However, I still care deeply about and deeply miss her. The situation hurts like hell. I never cared about anybody so much. The two months of NC have been hell, and I'm still expecting her to say "Abbracaddaba" and reappear out of nowhere as if nothing happened. I'd take her back in a heart beat because of the emotional reasons I've mentioned and because I'm sick in the head. Either I'm an extraordinarily forgiving person, a complete moron, or both. This sucks... .

My ex replaced me and after two months I took her back after her cheating. I love me ex with all my heart and always will but to not have to worry about someone 24/7 that can clearly give two turtle farts about you is a lot better than being in a relationship with pwBPD. Yea the loneliness, deceit, lies, and everything that has happened sucks dealing with it, but we are lucky to be out of this. Believe me.

[WoundedBibi]

So the general consensus here is that unless she reaches out to me, I'm f***** regarding the book... .and if she DOES reach out to me I will probably be f***** in all other ways... .

Here's the thing, I'm still DEEP in the FOG. I've been betrayed, emotionally abused through silent treatments, given mixed messages, and carelessly discarded. I KNOW this and that my ex-whatever she is has major emotional issues. However, I still care deeply about and deeply miss her. The situation hurts like hell. I never cared about anybody so much. The two months of NC have been hell, and I'm still expecting her to say "Abbracaddaba" and reappear out of nowhere as if nothing happened. I'd take her back in a heart beat because of the emotional reasons I've mentioned and because I'm sick in the head. Either I'm an extraordinarily forgiving person, a complete moron, or both. This sucks... .

Apparently you haven't reached your limit yet. Haven't had your fill. Haven't had enough of the betrayal and the abuse. So if she reaches out for a recycle you'll gladly be recycled. And after that you'll be here again. Maybe that time you will have reached your limit. Or maybe not. Maybe you need more recycles. Everybody has their own limit. You haven't reached yours yet.

[sweet tooth]

Thank you, everyone, for being supportive. It's VERY hard not to reach out. I think about her constantly.

Dhand77: I don't know what her thinking is. She sneakily went "private" on LinkedIn after viewing my page every day for a week. Now I get a "private viewer" once a week or so. Also, she signed up for a MeetUp event that my friend, who introduced us, would definitely be at if we weren't going to a wedding. He probably would have invited me, also. It's hurtful and confusing. I don't know if she's intentionally trying to create drama, put out feelers, or what.

Bibi: You got me figured out 

[RecycledNoMore]

just.let.go.

[sweet tooth]

just.let.go.

If it were that simple it would have already been done.

[Hadlee]

just.let.go.

If it were that simple it would have already been done.

I agree.  Letting go is the absolute hardest thing to do.  It takes such a long time to get to that point!

[sweet tooth]

Instead of getting easier it's getting harder. I feel like I have a monkey on my back. I'm laying in my bed , trying to sleep, and have a temptation/inner voice telling me to contact her. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and depression. I'm an addict.

[sweet tooth]

This is the worst emotional pain I've EVER been in... .and a "friend" of mine molested me for a year and a half when I was a teenager... .this feels worse... .

[RecycledNoMore]

just.let.go.

If it were that simple it would have already been done.

Im not trying to trivialise your situation

Ive been where you are,we all have,and I know its not simple at all...

please know that this

it will get better in time

read all you can about BPD,really absorb the information.

Spend time learning about you ((sweet tooth))

baby steps.

What im trying to say is,that its not about the book.Start with letting go of the book...

Im sorry your in pain,this will get better.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey sweet tooth, It sounds like you are contemplating a recycle, which is OK -- we've all done it (including me).  Keep in mind, though, that instead of alleviating your pain, it's likely that the recycle will make it that much more painful to detach somewhere down the line.  Believe me, I spent 16 years of marriage with my BPDxW.  You have a chance to get out now, which may make a big difference in your happiness as time marches on.

LuckyJim