My now ex has recently been diagnosed with BPD

[Vana]

Hello everyone, I'm not sure how to start this... .I have been in a realationship with someone who has BPD. We just ended our relationship jut recently, he has been diagnosed with BPD just a couple days ago. He has been diagnosed with depression and PTSD but I always suspected that there was much more to it. I'm a psychology student and I was the one pointing out to him that I suspect that he might have BPD. He has always  been somewhat unstable emotionally and irrational for the past five years, but the past five weeks have been a living hell for all of us. I have three children, two of them are teenagers and understand what's going on. He now blames everything negative he has said or done on having BPD. He's extremely cruel and verbally abusive now and blames that on BPD. He just told me today that he has been watching porn for the past three years without my knowledge, knowing how I feel about that, and claims it's because he has BPD. This diagnosis has become the reason for everything negative he does. I just need some help to understand what's going on? Thanks

[Yaryar87]

Sorry you're going through this.  Blaming you is part of what they do.  It helps them feel better.  They make you the monster so they don't have to feel bad about themselves.  He is projecting his anxiety or hurt onto you.  He is blaming everything on BPD so he doesn't have to take responsibility.  Maybe he is scared of or in shock from his diagnosis.   Either way this has nothing to do with you. You are not at fault.  He has an illness.  The more you learn about BPD the better it will help to realize why he does what he does.  These boards will help a lot. Many people suggest no contact in order to get away from the chaos.

[gotbushels]

Hi Vana

Welcome to the boards! I look forward to hearing about your story:)

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through that time with your ex. It's also difficult for the partner when the pwBPD decides to blame the condition for what seems to be a laundry basket of his problems. You aren't alone, but you might be able to see yourself as more "fortunate" too--some of us on this board have had experiences with pwBPDs that outright refuse any questions concerning mental state topics.

Here is a basic description that might help you answer "what's going on?":

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=67014.msg12716532#msg12716532

This list of acronyms might help you on the boards:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=26601.0

Beyond the relationship specific boards (where this thread is), the general set of boards to find out about BPD is the The Learning Center here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php#6