Trying to heal ...Do BPD's have Radar on you?

[JayReader27]

Hi,  I haven't been on in a while. But, I have new tea to spill. I have been doing very well and I have healed a great deal looking within myself and finding the things that I should fix. It seems like everytime I am doing good my BPDex just pops up, with something new, and I have to take out extra time to cleasne myself of him. This time I am not sure what I should do.


Recent Back Story: My Ex has recently got into trouble with the law and is currently in a probation program(rather than serving a full jail sentence) that is suppose to help recently released inmates back into the regular population. This program is specifically for fathers called Fathers and Family. My ex was currently wearing an ankle bracelet that was supposedly taken off. The woman who put him in jail is the newest baby mother. She messaged me frantically about the things he had done to her. I gave her advice about staying safe, and listened to her worries being sympathetic. She shared the two police reports, and protection order she filed on our ex and said that after the protection order was placed he vandalized her car with her daughters and her inside, and was caught breaking in to her house.  He was originally facing a drug charge.

She told me that he was on his way back to California. But, he left the state of California because he has misdemeanors here and the police have come to my door asking if i knew where he was, or if he lived with me. So, being extremely skeptical called one of my ex's sisters asking if it was true. And... .boy was that a mistake.  tongue she cursed at me as if I was the problem and then proceed to bully me into bringing little one over for a visit... .Yeah buttering right  rolleyes.

So the next day a little shaken up, because I do not know the truth. My mother calls me while I was at school. She stated that a guy from the program Fathers and Family called. He said that what my ex's name is and asked if she knew him. The man said that "he knows my ex is not suppose to call you but, he claimed that he has "WORKED" with you before. Let's see how we can help him  out." My mom who is a therapist who does intake/screenings at a prison asked one of the officers what to do if he calls again. His advice was great. He offered to run his name and send any info of him here in California to Indiana. He also stated that if he shows up at our house t o call and they will come pick him up. Please keep in mind that when ever my ex gets into trouble with anyone concerning the law he calls my mom. Each time she either ignores the call or tells him that she can not help him. I myself and my father (as crazy as my dad is) have told him not to contact any of us at all. I specifically asked him not to contact me unless he was planning on visiting. But, he continues to do so.

I am wondering is there a way that he can get my mom fired from claiming that he did sessions with her, or that he got some false diagnosis from her? He has no way to prove it the only thing he would have are emails between him and I trying help him to get counseling, offering books for reference at the library and guessing at what the butter is wrong with him based on how he feels. I offered to do sessions with him if he exhibits better behavior but, we can see that ship has sailed.

I also want to know what form of attachment does he feel like he has with my mother? They never talk, and we have not talked in almost a year. He literally called out of the blue. Has anyone dealt with a BPD who attach themselves to someone and imagines a different kind of relationship with that person?

I often wonder if it is some form of mild psychosis that he suffers from. It is one thing to make up a lie. But it is a completely different thing to believe the lie and continue to operate off of it.

[Kwamina]

Hi JayReader27

I am sorry your ex's behavior is affecting you so. He still seems to be getting into a lot of trouble.

You called one of his sisters, but that call unfortunately did not go so well. What kind of relationship did you have with his sisters when the two of you were still together? Do you believe his sisters and the rest of his family acknowledge that he has certain problems or would you say they are in denial about his issues?

I am wondering is there a way that he can get my mom fired from claiming that he did sessions with her, or that he got some false diagnosis from her? He has no way to prove it the only thing he would have are emails between him and I trying help him to get counseling, offering books for reference at the library and guessing at what the butter is wrong with him based on how he feels. I offered to do sessions with him if he exhibits better behavior but, we can see that ship has sailed.

Why do you wonder about this? Has he perhaps ever threatened to try and get your mom fired? Has he as far as you know ever told anyone that your mom was counseling him?

I also want to know what form of attachment does he feel like he has with my mother? They never talk, and we have not talked in almost a year. He literally called out of the blue. Has anyone dealt with a BPD who attach themselves to someone and imagines a different kind of relationship with that person?

It does seem strange that he keeps calling your mother whenever he has problems. When you were still in a relationship with him, what kind of bond did he have with your mother then? Was he then already contacting your mother whenever he got himself into trouble?

I often wonder if it is some form of mild psychosis that he suffers from. It is one thing to make up a lie. But it is a completely different thing to believe the lie and continue to operate off of it.

It is of course difficult to tell what exactly is going on with your ex. His behavior definitely is quite concerning though. What is the lie you think he believes is true? Are you talking about his claim that your mother did sessions with him?