husbend with bpb

[orvokki]

Hello!

Dont really know what to say? But here I am crying in my bed cause my dear husbend left with slamming doors tonight.

First time but  made me realize we have a problem. We have togetger diagnosed he has BPD but haven't been at a doctor yet. Tonighs fight was caused by my son and my ex which is the to him like red to a bull... .If I need to disgus anything with my ex... it's a trigger big time. He "hates"my kids and is jealous for them... .and more jealous of my ex without any reason. Maun problem is I love my husbend so much and I'm doing everything to make things better though I know the best for my kids and me too would be divorce. Horrible situation. I'm so tired and like you all know... very hard to excplain to your friends and family... .Btw I'm from Finland but my hubby is from South Africa... .that's why searching help from english sites. Happy to find this site. I'm gonna most probably read yr stories whole night.

with Love: Orvokki

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hi orvokki,

How old are your kids, and how is your relationship with your ex husband?

Discussing issues with the other parent, especially if the children are minors, is normal. A person who has traits of BPD may react with something like jealousy, or anger due to their fears of rejection or abandonment. It sounds like this is happening. How often are your children with you?

Have you taken a look at the lessons to the right of the board? To start, valdation can help. If you and your H have discussed him having BPD, it might be wise at this point not to share information about what you can do on your side to help communication. Rather, just try it.

Communication using validation

People with BPD (pwBPD) often feel shame about who they are. It can be covered up by lashing out at others, or projecting feelings they are unable to cope with. How have you been discussing things with him thus far, which is resulting in him dysregulating?

Turkish

[lbjnltx]

Hi orvokki,

How are things going now?  Did the info Turkish gave you help?


lbj