FB Friend Requests Tonight

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

She moved out over two years ago. She married the affair patrner last summer. He moved in at the same time. October, she expressed regret to me. This March, she called me, sobbing, aplogizing, they had a huge fight. At least I got apologies and regret.

Tonight, I get two FB friend requests. I had blocked her while she was still living with me, the winter of 2013. I deactivated my old account about a year ago, for reasons unrelated to her, though maybe some thought it was because she got married. No.

I started a new account, under my kids' names. Mostly as an onlne scrap book. Tonight, I got friend requests from one of my ex brothers-in-law, and my Ex. I accepted his (he wasn't one of her enablers). She may have seen his, then sent hers.

I'm a 45 year old father of two, a professional, and it feels immature even posting this.

Wei've had more contact recently due to issues with S6. If I had to sum our r/s, she likes me a lot more than I like her (because she needs me). I don't have anything to hide, but I really don't want to see her silliness. If I friend her, then her husband might... .they have no shame.

[Turkish]

She moved out over two years ago. She married the affair patrner last summer. He moved in at the same time. October, she expressed regret to me. This March, she called me, sobbing, aplogizing, they had a huge fight. At least I got apologies and regret.

Tonight, I get two FB friend requests. I had blocked her while she was still living with me, the winter of 2013. I deactivated my old account about a year ago, for reasons unrelated to her, though maybe some thought it was because she got married. No.

I started a new account, under my kids' names. Mostly as an onlne scrap book. Tonight, I got friend requests from one of my ex brothers-in-law, and my Ex. I accepted his (he wasn't one of her enablers). She may have seen his, then sent hers.

I'm a 45 year old father of two, a professional, and it feels immature even posting this.

Wei've had more contact recently due to issues with S6. If I had to sum our r/s, she likes me a lot more than I like her (because she needs me). I don't have anything to hide, but I really don't want to see her silliness. If I friend her, then her husband might... .they have no shame.

[Hadlee]

It's incredible how they have the nerve to do these things after the pain they have caused.  I really don't think they know any better.  Just shows their mentality.  It's actually quite sad.

[Sunfl0wer]

It sounds like u are saying the only reasons to accept are FOG?

[gotbushels]

Hi Turkish!

I'm supporting you. I admire your usage of FB to scrapbook. I think it's a convenient place to share things you want to share with people you care about.

You didn't ask about the brother-in-law acceptance, but I think I would have done the same as my quarrels weren't with him.

I think she has some nerve trying to elicit sympathy with you. What she did was terrible.

I think it's just fine to not accept friend requests from people you don't want to link to. As far as I know, it's the usual practice. Moreover, people I know (where this topic has come up in conversation) all have lists of people they don't accept requests from. I've refused connections with people if I don't feel comfortable with accepting the connection. The original purpose was to scrapbook, and that was on your initiative. So why should you share it with your cheating ex? You ex was big trouble, so is anything other than "no" healthy for you? If she's persistent in person you can just discard it with a ziplock bag response, "Hmm. No." (The ziplock is a special one because the response is infinitely fresh.)

I think this is my first thread of yours that I'm replying to that's not on the Stayers board? Therefore I think it's not against board rules for me to say:

Well done Turkish!!! You dump that h*!!!

Yes, I've taken the "feels immature conch" from you:) I'm so glad to see you took the healthy choice and can afford more time for yourself and your kids:)

[Turkish]

'bushels- thanks for the colorful morning  

It sounds like u are saying the only reasons to accept are FOG?

Yes. Sometimes I fall into it. At D4's party last month, she put me on the spot to take a family pic with her and the kids. The kids were right there. I couldn't get out of it without looking bad in front of the kids.

Aside from her new life, the constant self-validation and personal power memes drive me nuts (IMO, the overuse of them is indicative of lack of self-esteem, or maybe even emptiness). It's bad enough I have to "deprogram" S6 when he parrots the odd stuff that she says. S6 told me the other day that Thomas Edison failed 100 times to invent the light bulb but in the end he succeeded. My Ex doesn't read that stuff, she she got it from her personal power group or whatever. I told my son that that was pretty much true, and he invented a lot of other things as well. Then it went weird, "God was happy that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb so he took him to heaven without dying."  

I asked him who told him that, and he said his mom. I'm tempted to ask her... .or probably better to just correct the kids when needed.

I offered to take her to breakfast for Mother's Day, since it's my weekend with the kids. The first year I didn't offer. The second I did, and never heard back. This year, she accepted. We do lunch occasionally, never one-on-one. The kids there keep it "safe."  

Next year, she gets them for MD for the first time after she left. Just the way the calendar coincides with the schedule.

[JerryRG]

Hello Turkish

I just got another friends request from someone with no friends, no pictures and very strange profile. Usually the spam is half naked women but this one is unusual. I'm thinking it's nothing from my exgf though. Had a friend request last week too, my exgf used to stalk me but maybe she's growing up?

This request is a widow in Australia? ?

[Hadlee]

Hello Turkish

I just got another friends request from someone with no friends, no pictures and very strange profile. Usually the spam is half naked women but this one is unusual. I'm thinking it's nothing from my exgf though. Had a friend request last week too, my exgf used to stalk me but maybe she's growing up?

This request is a widow in Australia? ?

Widow in Australia?  Yeah that's weird!

I've now changed my privacy settings, so only friends of friends can contact me.  I'm rather burnt out after thinking about this rubbish due to the number of friend requests I have received.  And I'm glad to have gotten to this point.  It felt great blocking the option for anyone to send me a request

[JerryRG]

Hello busygall

Checked my ego at the door and set my security to allow only friends of friends to be able to contact me. Am I safe from my exgf? Maybe just a little more. The only thing she has not done is stab me, shoot me and burn my body.

Lol, I'm going to have a good life until she does... .

[Hadlee]

Hello busygall

Checked my ego at the door and set my security to allow only friends of friends to be able to contact me. Am I safe from my exgf? Maybe just a little more. The only thing she has not done is stab me, shoot me and burn my body.

Lol, I'm going to have a good life until she does... .

Haha humour keeps us sane in these situations, Jerry

If I'm being honest, I think my ego was in the way of changing my setting for all that time.  Looking for validation from someone with a mental illness just isn't right, and I totally get that now.

It takes time, but we get there in the end!

Happy Friday, Jerry

[JerryRG]

Happy Friday busygall  

[Sunfl0wer]

I asked him who told him that, and he said his mom. I'm tempted to ask her... .or probably better to just correct the kids when needed.

Or... .

An opportunity to validate suggestion:

"Humm, that is interesting. I guess there are people who believe that. What an interesting belief."

Or if appropriate:

"I wouldn'the have guessed anyone would believe it that way. How interesting. How do you imagine that is when xyz... .?" (Validate and ask question to see if he can explain his own thinking or question his own thinking in validating way. Although my example didn't demo really well)